We want to do something nice for our co-worker who adopted a child?

Question

My colleague just returned from Taiwan with her second adopted son. We would like to do something nice for her (like a breakfast or luncheon to celebrate). What should we call it? Reception? Welcome (child's name)? Also, she doesn't really need anything, but I'd like to take up a collection (the costs were substantial). Is that tacky?

Answer 1

How about chipping in for language lessons at Berlitz so he can retain his natural language. He'll need it to be able to communicate with his mother when he searches for her.  

Answer 2

That is very thoughtful of you and I have no doubt your colleague will be very touched.

I don't know that you necessarily need to call it anything, but a get together like you described would be wonderful, as well as small gifts for the little boy.

Answer 3

I think a little party with co-workers, friends, the mom, dad, big brother, and new child would be great. Collections seems ok if she is alright with that.  

Answer 4

I would call it a baby shower. Ordinarily I think baby showers are tacky ways to beg for more than you'll ever need, but since it's not something expected of you and your idea I think it would just be a nice thing to do for another good person. Make it a potluck and consider the event itself a gift and token gifts optional.  

Answer 5

Just give them a small party, or maybe a Congratulations card.

I think that would be very meaningful to them.

ETA - Heather B: You make it sound so cruel..

Answer 6

My hubby's coworkers threw us a shower, post-placement, and they had signs saying "Welcome" and "Congratulations." The theme was a book party, so everyone brought a child's book. It was an excellent way to grow our collection of books, and we received some bilingual ones, too. The food was simple, and everyone got to hold our son and take pictures.

Please note that some adoptive parents would not be in favor of others holding their child. It can cause the parents considerable frustration for days after the party because having so many perceived "caretakers" can cause further trauma and confusion for the little boy, especially considering how he is already three. If you don't expect that the child would be in attendance, this will be a non-issue.

Even if the parent says that she doesn't need anything, she'll eventually run out of consumables and he'll outgrow his current size. A gift card is always appreciated. Some friends got us a Walgreen's gift card; it was surprising but made perfect sense. Every parent needs to develop pictures! Also, we picked up plenty of children's ibuprofen =)

Answer 7

I would call it a shower, but any kind of party is fine. It is something to celebrate. I think gifts for the child would be nice, but giving most of it as a gift card would allow her to decide what she needs for him. Or maybe save it until he needs new clothes etc. Do give her some thing to open for fun.

We adopted our daughter at birth, and had a shower 1 mo later. We wanted to show her to everyone. However with a 3 year old she may not want to expose him to a lot of people yet, to help with the bonding process. It takes more time for bonding when children are a bit older, and they often recommend limiting social situations for a while.

Answer 8

A little party is fine. If her son could come in to the office, a few little gifts for him would be ok.

Regarding the collection - they did that for me where I work and quite honestly I was horrified.  We take up collections when someone's house burns down or an employee's relative gets sick and has overwhelming medical expenses.  You know - giant expenses that were unplanned, unfortunate, and unavoidable.  I was embarrassed beyond words. It wasn't easy getting the money to adopt, but I wouldn't have done it if I couldn't afford it. Some of the people who gave money to the collection make way less than I do.  I ended up making a thank you lunch for everyone later and then asked permission to donate their money to a children's charity.

Answer 9

I think a small party to celebrate your colleague's new addition would be a lovely gesture. I am sure she will appreciate it. I don't know that you'd have to 'call it' anything in particular besides, "a gathering for ____ to celebrate her newly adopted child" or something....

As far as taking up a collection goes: What is the traditional way to celebrate new family in your office? At our office, everyone donates and we get the new mother a gift card to a baby supply store. So I think it would be appropriate in our office to take up a collection for a gift card for a new mother through adoption, too. However, if your office does *not* usually get a gift for new moms, it might not be appropriate.

Since you said your colleague doesn't "need anything" (baby stuff) for the new child, maybe a gift card to a more general purpose store (Target? Walmart?) or a VISA gift card would be nice, so she can get what she needs -- whether that's diapers, clothes, toys, whatever. You always need something! :)

I probably would *NOT* outright ask for money to defray the adoption costs. Although adoption can be expensive, it was your colleague's choice and I don't think co-workers should feel put on the spot to finance it. I think that could be seen as tacky.

Answer 10

Have a "CONGRATULATIONS" party.  The child is being welcomed into a new family.  How wonderful.  I wouldn't take money for a cash hand out, I'd GET/BUY something.  Maybe a gift certificate to a portrait studio?  

Sheesh, according to some folks in here you should have a funeral of sorts instead of a celebration.  Don't listen to the sarcastic answers in here.  They have no right to judge anyone.  They believe they are some high and mighty person who have a right to be rude to others and complain when others are rude to them back.

EDIT

The more I read their accusatory anti-adoption remarks, the more their words turn into blah blah blah.

Answer 11

Yay! yippeee! let's all celebrate a poor little guy losing his entire family, culture and heritage!   P.A.R.T.Y!!!!

Answer 12

i would start a traveling fund for the child to find his roots in Taiwan once he's old enough. After those language lessons he'll be good to go!

Whatever it is, do it when your colleague is alone and don't force the poor traumatized child to come to a party full of a bunch of strangers who don't comprehend how he's feeling. I've seen the pictures of me bawling while everyone is laughing and smiling at the "cute new baby" as they passed me around.

No thanks.

Answer 13

Not tacky at all.  My coworkers did the same for me!  They just had a cake and some small thoughtful gifts.  I thought it was a very nice gesture.  I don't think they called it anything... they called me in for a meeting and kind of surprised me.  

The money collection is alright, but I really enjoyed the small thoughtful gifts...  maybe if you all want to go in on a gift together, buy a gift for the baby, and a big brother gift for the older son.  :-)

If the children are not babies, you could give them something that the kids could do together...  like play-doh; coloring books and crayons; books; puzzles, etc.

Oh, and one thing that would be VERY unique is a kiva.org gift certificate.  The Mom would be able to help out a struggling business owner in a developing country in honor of her children.  It's really a gift certificate to loan a certain amount of money to the owner.  When repaid, they can either keep the money or provide another loan to some one else.  It's really neat.  I've done a few in honor of my son's country of origin.  I haven't been "repaid" yet, but when I do, my son and I will go through and see if there's another person who we could help.  It's really neat.

Answer 14

you might start with telling her to give the kid back to his mother, and donate the money from your breakfast to her.

Answer 15

I think it's very nice, however, with a child who's adopted from another country, he might be overwhelmed with rooms full of people, and the noises associated with a celebration.  Maybe a potluck lunch, and the collection idea is nice.  It is expensive to adopt.  Other people in your office might have a different idea about adoption, so be prepared for negativity both here and there.  

I'd call it "Congratulations  'co-worker's name", so that way, you're open on the ideas.