We would like to foster.?

Question

My husband and I would like to apply to foster young children, we have read the information and found an agency that we would like to use, but they all say we would need a good support network.

We don't speak to many family members (due to fallings out) and only have a handful of friends (but we would like to make more!) my son doesn't see his biological father (due to his disappearence) and my husband doesn't see his son. (although he would like to but at present circumstances won't allow (ex wife)) they do email one another though!

Will this go against us?

We are good parents, and love children. We have plenty of room and would love to foster.

Thank you for your replies.

Pippa x

Answer 1

Most foster parents have their own network. Go for it because there is a great need for people like you and your husband.

Answer 2

GO for it!!

My wife & I have just become foster carers ourselves and we both would reccomend it to anyone with the slightest interest.

Our local social services run an introduction programe consisting of 3 nights and 2 saturdays over 3 weeks. This is very informative and allows both you and social services to see if this is what you want and if you are what they are looking for.

After that , if you decide to go ahead you will be assigned a support worker who will come and speak with both you and your other half and over several weeks make up a profile on you both, you then go to " Panel " this is a team of doctors, social workers, teachers & in our case a local county counciler. This is for a very relaxed "chat " to confirm with the big wigs you are sutable and it is what you both want!!. They will ask you if you want to do long term or short term placements and ask questions regarding your choices, ie male, female and age group and how you feel they will fit into your exsisting family unit.

Once you have passed this stage you are confirmed as foster carers and your placement will follow shortly. Best of luck and go on............ give it a try, after all what have you got to loose.

Remember social services are human like us  ( belive it or not!! ) and they do not expect you to have a text book life style. Good Luck to you both

Answer 3

it wont go against you  and there are foster parent support groups where you can meet others who are fostering

Answer 4

There are many factors that are taken into consideration and the things you mentioned aren't really serious issues but they might be noted.  You don't say how old your son is.. my father in law works for the department placing foster children.. we looked at it but were advised against it by him on the grounds that our own children are still young and might actually be in danger through this. I had not considered this.. as we too would have been looking at children under 6 or so. But the reality is that even 3 yr olds can be mentally so unstable and affected by the time you receive them (often only for a couple of days or weeks) that they may pose a danger to your own children. He mentioned some examples without names and I was stunned. So pls keep this in mind.. also that with MOST of the children you have estranged mum and or dad keeping regular contact, which can continuously upset the children. You need to be able to deal with this emotionally, or the fact you have to return the children. THis can be especially hard if you had them for a while.. even years. But that's fostering.. A large proportion of the children fostered are respite care, which means they are difficult to deal with, have major behavioural issues and their parents are so stressed they need a break.

If you can deal with all this and your own child is not young anymore, then go for it. I personally think I would get too attached to hand them back.. over and over again just to see them returned to the system by parents that really shouldn't be parents.

Answer 5

NO,THEIR ARE ALOT OF FOSTER PARNETS THAT DON'T SPEAK TO THEIR FAMILIES. SO DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT AS LONG YOU ARE GOOD PEOPLE AND HAVE THE MEAN TO TAKE CARE OF KIDS. GO FOR IT. DON'T LET OTHER PEOPLE KNOCK YOU OUT OF THIS. ALL A CHILD NEEDS IS GOOD PEOPLE TO TAKE CARE OF THEM.AND HAVE A CHANGE AT LIFE, BEFORE IT IS TO LATE...

Answer 6

I am a foster parent and I don't have a support system other than the foster parent support group members. I live in a state with no family and I don't call many people friends. I wouldn't worry about it. You will find as a foster parent you may lose some friends and family who are estranged after you become fosterparent. Some people find it hard to accept foster children as your new family member. Check out these two great sites that have forums for you to communicate with other fosterparents and those in the process of becoming fosterparents. My name is tancee on both forums. Hope to see you there.

Answer 7

Go for it.

I think it would be good for your husband to do something about not getting to see his son though. If he and the child have a good relationship then there is no reason they shouldn't be allowed to see each other. The ex thinks she is punshing your husband, but really she's punishing their child just as much.

Try to find a mommy's group to make some new friends. If you belong to a group like that it will show a stronger support network too.

I know how falling outs with family members are, and it has nothing to do with your ability as a married couple or as parents, so dont' feel guilty about that. I don't talk to part of my family either, but my husband and I have a very strong marriage.

Good luck. We're planning to foster after we buy a home too!

Answer 8

Are you involved in a church? I found that my church friends stepped up big time when I was fostering. I had to have  referrence from my church because I taught preschool Sunday school.

I had moved into a house in a new neighborhood when I fostered. I had not met a single neighbor. I did have a lot of acquaintences that were ready to step up. One of my ex-co-workers who I remained in contact with through email was one of my references. We didn't do much outside work (met for lunch once in a while or attended baby showers but she was very supportive of my fostering and knew how much I liked kids because of how I bragged on my nephews all the time. She had volunteered to teach me how to do "African-American hair" if I was placed with an AA child. She even told my case worker that. She was one of my best references not because we were so very close, but because it showeed I was not prejudice and made an effort to keep in touch with people. (that was told to me by my case worker after I had stopped fostering). So I don't think it really matters that you don't have that many close close friends, but that you have friends you can use as a reference.

You'll also find that you will make new friends through foster parenting. You will need other foster parents to use as respite on occasion and will be called upon to respite for others as well. It helps to know who you are leaving "your children" with. They may not be legally yours but you start to see them as yours. If your foster children are like mine they will even call you Mama.

I am not sure though how you will get past the family reference. Typically, you need to have a family member write a letter of reference too. Hopefully, not all of your family members are estranged and can support you in the reasons for the falling outs.

One other point I want to make is in regard to your husband and his son. While emailing is a good start, I would push the ex wife to allow visits. He really does need to spend time with his son. There is more to relationships that written words and the one on one contact needs to be included. Right now his son is paying the price for whatever is going on between your husband and his ex. It is not fair to him. They should work out whatever it is and get visits set up.

Good luck.

Answer 9

My husband doesnt talk to his family at all and we were able to foster/adopt through the state.  We didnt have any of the other issues you have mentioned. If this is something you really want to do appy, the worst that can happen is they will say no.

Answer 10

I would also like to foster 1 day...! We ll i am planning onto...!

Answer 11

i think it might go a against you as you guys keep falling out with others and they just don't look at your house they look into the whole thing and if you keep falling out with others what is saying that you will not fall out with each other and how would the foster kid feel then

Answer 12

then go sign up and get a foster kid ok and have with the kid