Wedding Etiquette Question.?

Question

My fiance and I live in Texas but will be gettting married in Michigan because that is where all her family lives.

After the wedding we are flying from Detroit To Cancun for the honeymoon and then from Cancun back to Dallas. We will have no way to get wedding gifts back home.

Is there a proper way to let our guests know that we don't need wedding gifts...and instead of gifts, they are welcome to donate cash?

Thank you in advance.

Answer 1

Just have the gifts sent to your residence in Texas (as per your registry)

I just got married 3 weeks ago and I only had 5 gifts out of all the 150 people we had there. Most people give cash anyway.

One other thing too: I wouldn't plan on taking ALL the cash and checks you get with you to Mexico! Put someone you trust in charge of all that loot!  :o)

Answer 2

I'd say.. because we will disembark on our Honeymoon immediately after the ceremony a wishing well will be placed at the reception, however if you'd like please send all gifts to our residence..123 Sesame Street... you get the idea.. that way they will know that you are not going to go home and if they'd like to purchase a gift they can send it to your home or they can donate to your wishing well.

Answer 3

I stumbled upon a site that's called www.http://myregistry.com

you can register for any store that you can think of or restaurant and you can also set it up for cash donations.

Answer 4

We are having a destionation wedding as well in Florida. Not only did we not want to have to worry about taking gifts back, we didn't want people to worry about bringing gifts to the wedding. Therefore, we didn't register anywhere! I think that this sends the hint very well because if you aren't registered then most people don't want to go ahead and pick out something for you, so they won't get you a gift, or they will send cash or a gift card. So far we have recevie in the mail (all of which have been to our address) two monetary gifts, and a box which had wedding flips flops in it and a small ornament and a wedding card with money. That might be an option for you guys as well if you don't want to have to bluntly say we would like cash! Good luck!

I also think this helps spread by word of mouth because people will say "where are they registered" and the reply will be something to the effect of they aren't registering for specific gifts but we are sending them money, or a target gift card, etc.

Answer 5

We are in the same situation, our wedding is in Florida and we wanted to avoid having to ship gifts home.  There is never a polite way to tell people to give you money.  We registered and told our families that we would prefer any gifts that are bought to be shipped to us directly rather than brought to the wedding.  It has worked out well so far.

Answer 6

You can say something along the lines of " A cash donation is welcome" "Due to travel we are unable to except traditional gifts"

Answer 7

You spread word regarding your registration wishes via word-of-mouth, through your families and attendants.

Answer 8

On your invitations, make a small note at the bottom that says "no gifts necessary." Let your families spread the word that you won't be able to pack anything because of your travel plans.

Most people will ship gifts to your home if you are registered somewhere that has your address on file.

There is no way to ask for cash without sounding tacky. If you don't care about sounding tacky, you can say whatever you want.

Answer 9

ask for gifts to be mailed to your home instead of bringing them to the wedding

you can make mention of this on a wedding website and spread the word amoung family and close friends

register for gift cards

Answer 10

through word of mouth...

have your maid of honor and your mom send out the message.

Answer 11

Asking for cash isn't appropriate. You should ask them to send their gifts to your house in Texas. That would be OK.

Answer 12

Will anyone be at your wedding from Dallas?  Successful weddings are about delegation.  Can you assign someone [from Dallas] to be in charge of the gifts?  I know that is a burden, but maybe that can be that person's gift to you....to make sure your other gifts get back home safely whether it is in their car, shipped via greyhound, etc.

Answer 13

Well they should know this, since they are your family and close friends.  My sister is getting married this weekend, and everyone knows not to get them any big gifts. The wedding is on Ohio, they live in Arizona, and they are flying to their honeymoon straight after the wedding. So anyone who buys them gifts knows to send it to their house or to just give cards.

And I hear that at Weddings, people mostly just gift money. It's the bridal shower that people gift actual gift, gifts.

Answer 14

You can spread by word of mouth but you're going to have to pick a family member to take them home and ship them to you in Texas.

Answer 15

There is never a polite way of asking this.  What you are proposing is rude and there really is no way of couching that kind of request in politeness.

When registering for gifts, you are asked to indicate where you want gifts to be delivered.  With that in mind, simply put your address in Texas.  With guests knowing that you do not live in Michigan, I'm sure they'll take it upon themselves to find an appropriate gift considering the distance.

Answer 16

In my experience, most (if not all) people give a cash gift in a card at the reception.  Physical gifts are usually given at the bridal shower.

Answer 17

I am sure your relatives will ask your parents, "What should I get them?" and, then tell your parents to just say, "cash".  The word will get out.  Just tell a few of your blabber-mouth cousins also that you just want cash, and again, the word will get out, for sure.  You can also register at one of those stores, and on the top of the list write "cash would be fine" and then list a few items and give the addres where you would like something shipped to.

Answer 18

No that's not propper. The thing to do is have your parents spread the word. Just have them tell people how you won't be going straight home & have no way of taking the gifts. Lots of people will ask your immediate family members what they think you'd want.

Answer 19

I think you should simply register requesting gift cards to be mailed or all gifts to be shipped. Won't you have any friends or family from Texas, that could carry some of the items back?

Answer 20

This problem did not arise back in the old days (1900s) when yours truly was a girl. Those clever (and darned costly!) little 'response cards' hadn't been invented yet. The financial role of attendants in those days was to limited to providing their own clothing -- their being called on to supplement the wedding budget was unheard of. Instead, bridesmaids and groomsmen supported the couple with their WORK, mainly dealing with RSVP by PHONE. If your helpers are having a conversation with with each guest (or someone who speaks for that guest) then those guests are very likely to ASK what kind of gift would be appreciated. Even if they don't ask about presents, they can still be politely notified not to bring any "little packages" to the reception as the hosts will have no way to secure them from possible theft or to transport them from the reception site. (BTW, Miss Manners tells us that it is incorrect to bring gifts to a wedding reception; the gifts should be sent to someone's home and can be sent a few weeks AFTER the occasion if that is more convenient to the sender.)

Besides being less costly and giving you (your helpers) an opportunity to direct guests' generosity, there are two more advantages to old fashioned RSVP by phone.

You get more control of your guest list. People can "misunderstand" invitations and response cards, but no one can pretend to misunderstand something like "Mrs. Flintstone I see Fred and Wilma on the guest lest, but Pebbles isn't mentioned. I don't believe children are being invited."

You can convey mess information like driving directions, hints on appropriate dress, menu choices, etc, without cluttering up your elegant, spacious, formal invitations.

Congrats & best wishes!

Answer 21

Choose a place that has online shopping and ask for all of the gifts to be shipped to your house in Texas.

Answer 22

There is no way because it is wrong wrong wrong to ask for cash.  A gift is what the person wants to give if they give.  There is no obligation to bring a gift in the first place.  As to the gifts you need to have someone in her family ( they live there right) keep the stuff and then mail it to you when you get home.   If you do not want gifts you can tell people to make a donation to your favortie charity but you cannot ask people to give you money not in a polite way not in anyway

Answer 23

I would not ask for money.  If you register somewhere you can state on the registration you would prefer all gifts to be sent to your residence.

Answer 24

Hi James -

Unfortunately you really can't tell people to give you money instead of presents. It's considered rude to tell people what to give you. I know that seems funny because there are wedding registries and all, but it's still up to the other person to decide what, if anything, to give you. And when it comes to wanting money, that's an even stickier proposition.

Your best bet is let your family and attendants know that you really don't want presents but cash would be appreciated. If you have a wedding website, you can say on the registry page "no gifts, please." (But not mention cash!)

As for the presents you'll get (and you will... people always send presents), ask someone in the bride's family to pack them up and ship them to you after the honeymoon. Be sure that person leaves the gift cards attached to the presents so you'll know who to send your thank you notes to!

Good luck, and congratulations!