Wedding Gift Etiquette?

Question

I'm a bridesmaid in my older sister's wedding in August. Unfortunately, I'm also a poor college student who lives across the country and already spent a fortune on transportation and accomodations to attend the wedding. Because of the distance, I'm not able to make it to the bridal shower. Since I can't attend the shower, I was planning on skipping the bridal shower gift and just getting a nice wedding gift instead. Given my situation, about how much money should I expect to spend on the wedding gift? I don't want to cheap out, but I can't afford to spend a fortune either. Also, the bridal shower invitation stated where the bride and groom are registered, but the wedding invitation did not. Should I get them a wedding gift from the registry list, or is this reserved for the bridal shower?

Thanks for your advice! I'm kind of new to this whole wedding thing. :)

Answer 1

Don't worry about a shower gift and give a $20.00 gift certificate to one of the places they are registered.

I am in a wedding wear the bride is having everything back to back. The shower, bachlorette party, and the down payment on the freakin dress. Her wedding isn't until February but wants all this done by September! Trust me she may not even get anything. She did that at our cousins wedding. She said she was "too poor" to buy her anything but expects everyone to pay for hers.

Answer 2

No registry information should ever be included with the wedding invitation: it's asking for a gift.  So that's why it wasn't there.  Doesn't mean you can't get something off the registry for the wedding.

As far as what to get... Staying in your budget is a must.  You can do two things: pick an amount to spend and go shopping for one "big" gift in that range or buy a lot of little things.  (A laundry basket full of detergent, dryer sheets, fabric softener, etc)

Another option is the cheap-but-from-the-heart gifts.  A framed picture with a nice hand written poem, a bottle of wine and two glasses for the bride and groom to share, if you're ever heard the "candle" poem you could do that (colored candles to be burned through the years for different occasions).

Most people give money at weddings.  But if you feel you'll get more 'bang' for your buck by giving a gift, I'm sure it will be most appreciated!  (When you give money, the recipient knows how much you spent.  With a gift you can get great deals and sales...)

Answer 3

I was in the same situation at my brother's wedding....after plane ticket, time off of work, bridesmaid dress, alterations, I had absolutely nothing to spare so I didn't get him anything.  I told him before and told him why and he understood.  She should too.  It's expensive.

Answer 4

I'd simply send a nice card for the bridal shower. As far as the wedding gift goes, why not suggest that you wait till after the wedding so you can see what they received? That way, you may have some extra time to save. Gifts don't have to be from the registry of gifts, they are simply suggestions, but you can have a look at the list and perhaps choose something from there as far as the idea goes.

With all the expenses you already have, I'm not sure that your sister would expect a gift as well. She must know your situation.   Are you able to have them stay with you if they were to visit? You could always do up a card and offer  free accommodation at the best place in town...your place... dinner, bed and breakfast provided. This way, you could give a unique gift and have some fun at the same time.

I hope it is a very special occasion for you, don't be tempted to spend more than you can afford.

Answer 5

The registry is for the wedding but people purchase from it for the shower too. I think that $50 is enough.

Answer 6

Just buy a small gift that you can afford and don't stress. A wedding is a celebration and I  am sure your being there means more than a gift to her

Answer 7

Do what's in your budget.  The bride will surely understand all the costs you've shelled out to be in her wedding and not complain about any gift you give.

If you feel that you're really in a tight bind, why don't you try to do a joint gift with other bridesmaids?

Answer 8

It's not the gift that matters, it's the thought behind the gift that will be appreciated.  I think you should personalize a gift for your sister - that will mean more to her than a store bought gift!

Answer 9

You don't need to spend a fortune and you can always offer a gift of your time.  Can you put together a scrapbook or something for your sister?   That could be done relatively inexpensively, but it does take quite a bit of time.  

However, your sister would have to be the type to appreciate that kind of gift.  You know her best, so perhaps that wouldn't work.  I gave a scrapbook of wedding photos to my fiance's sister a few years ago (I found undeveloped rolls of film while cleaning out his apartment) and although she claimed to like it at the time, I later found the book damaged in her garage.  It upset me a little because I had put so many hours into that book and there it sat ruined, but I never said a word about it.

Best wishes!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 10

The registry isn't reserved for the just shower, so you could go with that.

I would spend between $100-$200 on my sister, especially if I'm in the bridal party BUT there are a lot of things you can do for her that can be 'worth' a lot

You could make something for her (pesonalized photo album or scrapbook, collection of recipes) or offer her services for the wedding day (got any gift for massage? nails? hair? make-up?). Something personal she might appreciate and remember more than if you bought her a blender (unless she loves blenders of course)

Answer 11

Personally, I think the expense & sacrifice of your participation in the wedding is more than enough!  Surely, your sister understands the great lengths you are going to in order to be a bridesmaid & does not expect additional gifts from you.

Etiquette dictates that it is also okay to send a wedding gift within one year of their marriage.  So if you aren't able to afford something now, sending a gift later is perfectly acceptable.

Answer 12

You can buy a gift from the shower registry and have it deliver to them or here is a place where you can get good value for your dollar.  They can ship the gift directly to the newly weds too: http://www.memorablegifts.com/wedding_gi...

Answer 13

The registry list will not be reserved for the shower, this will be available for everyone. Buy a gift from here.

Answer 14

I know where your coming from, but I would not skip out on the bridal shower gift or the wedding gift.  Check her shower registry, usually registries have small gifts in the 20 dollar range (like a can opener, a bottle opener, a hand mixer).  For the wedding, either work off the registry again or give a small cash gift that you can reasonably afford.

Answer 15

Yeah, typically people just send out where they are registered thru the bridal shower and not thru the invite. I'm doing it reversed since people already know where I'm registered by word of mouth.

Anyways, it's your sister so I would say you need to buy a gift for both occasions. You technically don't have to "buy" anything though. For my brothers wedding, her sister made her a pillow using fabric and markers. She drew a picture of her and her sister on the pillow and wrote something cute on it "sisters for life." You can do some sort of thing like this too - ask your parents for a childhood picture of you the two of you. Buy a cheap frame from a craft store and decorate it with markers, glitter, paint, feathers, ribbon, etc. Send this to her for her shower gift and write a nice heartwarming letter to her. She'll love this more than any coffeepot.

Answer 16

Their wedding registry is for the shower and wedding combined. Hopefully your sister and her FH have been insightful enough to include a big variety of items on their registries that also are a wide variety of prices...

Obviously your sister knows your situation... only give what you can comfortably afford, if anything. If nothing on their registries is within your price range, why not just get a gift card in the dollar amount that you can afford at the store or one of the stores they are registered at?? That way they can later use it toward something that they may not have received from their registry...

Good luck! :)