Wedding Gift? How Much Should We Spend?

Question

my cousin-in-law was supposed to go out with me the night before my wedding, but her fiance didn't want her to go (we were going to go to a local bar for appetizers and a drink, nothing else), so she concocted a story for me about why she couldn't go. i had just made plans with her, so i was alone on that night until my fiance came home from his dinner with family.

anyway...

now they're having their wedding. my husband and i are still peeved about me getting stood up the night before our wedding.

this is going to be a big deal wedding at $100/guest for 300 people (they're middle class. don't ask me how they're affording this).

i'm giving them a juicer for the bridal shower, and we're going to give them a gift card for $100 for their wedding. are we being too cheap? should we just let bygones be bygones and spend a couple hundred? we are both only going out of social responsibility and respect for the entire family, not to celebrate a marriage we're against anyway.

i know we sound mean, but wasn't it mean to stand me up?

my question isn't if we should go, because we've determined that we will. my question is about what kind of gift we should give. should we be more generous since they're spending some money?

they spent about $100 on us for our wedding, and we got married in city hall with a small family party afterwards.

Answer 1

hey

sometimes u just gotta let these things go anf try to forget-its in the past and show uv moved on-ur be the bigger person :-) $100 is fine! actually its alot, so go have a gd time n enjoy the $100 she spent on u!

hehe

xx

Answer 2

i think ur gift amount sounds perfect even if they werent rude to u before. it was their option to spend that much on a wedding u are not obligated to spend any certian amount. however i do think u should let by gones be by gones.  

Answer 3

It was crummy that she stood you up for sure, but that is an issue completely separate from her wedding, and should be addressed separately.

The amount spent to put on a wedding has no bearing whatsoever on how much guests should spend on gifts. So, whatever you feel comfortable with is fine.  $100 and the juicer is a very generous gift, and more than enough.

Answer 4

depends on the gift  or you could give money in a money card

Answer 5

If you just want to attend the wedding and you don't want to make a statement about your feelings or get anyone upset, then the general rule is to get a gift equivalent to the amount per person.  In this case it would be $200 total for the both of you.  A juicer (or an equivalent $100 item) for the shower and $100 gift certificate for the wedding is fine enough.  

Answer 6

I think $100 is plenty! I'd be more than happy to receive that amount from anyone - let alone someone who totally baled on me before my own wedding!

Answer 7

y

Answer 8

Are you positive her story wasn't true? If is isn't, it's her loss for letting someone push her around like that. In any case, you are being the bigger person by putting on a happy face and doing the right thing.

Most people have no idea how much their meal is per person, so I don't think that should be a factor. My cousins are coming to my wedding with their children - that's a family of 4 - their meals are $400 total. I would never expect anyone to spend $400 on a wedding gift!! I think $50 per adult is perfectly reasonable, so your $100 plus the juicer is more than enough.  

Answer 9

make it 200.00 on the gift card-. Forgive her.

Answer 10

$100 and a juicer sounds fine for their wedding, specially since they managed to insult you on the day before your wedding.

Good luck

Answer 11

You should spend what you can afford. Spending the amount that the couple spent for your meal is just a rule of thumb. Most guests cannot afford that. If you can afford $100, then that is still a very generous gift and I would go with that.

Her standing you up the night before was very wrong. But have you ever heard the saying, "Having resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die"? It's very true. The resentment is probably bothering you and your husband a lot and she probably doesn't even know you're upset with her. So let it go, give them what you can afford (not pay for your plate), and have fun!