Wedding Guest Dilemma?

Question

So my fiance and I are putting together our wedding guest list. We were talking with his parents (my future in laws) about the people we are inviting. They said we need to invite "Sam" because he is a friend of theirs. However, I have had problems with "Sam" in the past. He was a teacher of mine who treated me very poorly, and I would just prefer he not be at my wedding, by my fiance's parents are adamant, even though my fiance doesn't care either way. So I guess I have two questions:

1. Am I wrong for not wanting this man to be invited?

2. If I am right how do I respectfully get across to my future in laws that he will not be invited.

Answer 1

There are 3 ways to go with this.

If he was just a crummy teacher that you never really liked, go ahead and invite him. He probably won't show and even if he does, you should get a gift out of it.

On the other hand, if you have a serious reason for not wanting him there, explain that reason to your fiance, ask him to stand up for you, and let him enforce this with his parents.

Then there is also the passive aggressive route which would be to agree to send him an invite and then "forget"

Answer 2

this is your day.  with as much stress as you're going to feel from the moment you wake up, the thought of seeing someone who clearly makes you uncomfortable should no add to that.  your IL's need to understand.  and your fiance needs to stand up for you!  his indifference shows his parents that he's on their side.  he should be on your side.  tell HIM he has to talk to his parents because the very subject makes your skin crawl.  don't worry about who's paying.  helping to pay for the wedding is a gift...and gifts shouldn't come with strings attached.

Answer 3

Avoid the temptation to listen to advice along the lines of "It's YOUR Big Day and you should have things YOUR way." This day is shared with your family, with the groom and his family, and with your guests; their feelings, convenience, and preferences are important too!

The old rule was HER family chose 40% of the guest list, and HIS family choose another 40%, leaving 20% of the slots for the couple to fill with their own close friends. The percentages may be different for your own wedding, but however they are divided up you need to be gracious about it if your family or the groom's family choose to invite someone that you don't care for.

Don't act like a spoiled brat and use your party as a way to snub people, to "get even" with them by not inviting them. Who you like or don't like, approve of or disapprove of -- these are private personal matter and should be kept private and personal. This is the time to demonstrate that you are NOT too immature to get married.  

Answer 4

first  of  all congrats  for the  wedding !

i  am  getting  married in  2  months  and  our  guest list  includes  a  lot  of  people  who otherwise are  seem  only in my  nightmares ,,,

some of my  really  mean  cousing  who  r  jelous of  me ,  who  would  infact  try  and stop  my  wedding ,,,,,  a lot  of  bitter  souls  who  i  rather  shoot  myself  are  gona  be ther .

like it  or  not ,,,, unwanted  people  will always  show  up ...

so just  stop  worrying  about  them . instead   be  around  people  who  make  u  happy .  you  will have your  husband  by  your  side . u  need  not  think  about  any1  elz !

takecare  

Answer 5

1. it is not wrong, it is your wedding and nothing should make you uncomfortble.

2. Just tell them that you appreciate them helping you,, but it is you wedding and you want to enjoy it without anythhing bothering you and that he will not be invited and that would be the end of the argument

Answer 6

You're not wrong. Why would you choose to have anyone you don't like at your wedding? I suppose it would be different if he were a relation, but even then you wouldn't 'have' to invite him.

Your fiance is the one who needs to get this across to his parents, not you. He needs to stand up for you. You don't want this guy there and that should be enough for him.  

Answer 7

You need to remind people that this is your wedding.  Sam may be invited to gatherings that they have but this is a day where only good feelings should come for you.

I suggest you explain this to your inlaws and do so in a nice way.  Make sure to be calm before you tell them what you would like.  Explain that he makes you very uncomfortable and that you will not be able to enjoy the wedding that you feel you should be able to.

Answer 8

It is YOUR wedding. Who really cares if he is a friend of your in-laws, you don't like him.  Just tell your in-laws that you are concerned that the guest list is getting too long and he will not be invited.  

Answer 9

1. no you are not wrong for feeling that way

2. let it go and allow him there, you will have so many guests, one person you are not crazy about wont make a difference and its keeping your in laws in good graces with you  

Answer 10

It's not your future in laws wedding! Make that very clear, and the guest list will only be compromised of people you both love and care for.... why would you want a teacher who only gave you grief be given that privelige?  he doesn't deserve it!  tell them outright, this is your future! Even if he was invited, you would think he would be gracious enough to decline the invitation anyway, if he has ANY humility at all..right?  Its your day sweetie, surely, you only want good memories! stand your ground on this one!

Answer 11

You have to pick your battles...

You have to take into consideration the fact that you will have these people in your life for the rest of your life...Do you really want to upset them?  It's only a single person and maybe you should negotiate.  I'm not saying they are right by any means but perhaps you could stomach him for a single event...Chances are that he knows your disdain for him and won't even approach you.  If he isn't aware I'm sure you can think of something subtle and yet straight-forward enough to get the point across :)

Answer 12

Your not wrong for not wanting him there, it is your big day.

I think you need to be honest with your in laws and tell them why you don't want Sam there. Honesty is always the best policy. Just be truthful, and hope they understand, and then say, he will not be invited.

Answer 13

The final say belongs to those who pay. If you and your fiancé are covering 100% of the costs, you choose whose invited. If any parents are contributing then, they are allowed to invite a few people.

You could always declare that none of your parents friends are invited – not that  necessarily like that idea. Honestly though, why not let the past be water under the bridge? I’ve found that even teachers with whom I clashed in school were actually pretty nice people in the real world, and you’ve both likely changed the however many years since he was your teacher.

Answer 14

While you really should have who you want there, what it will probably end up boiling down to is, who's paying?

If your future inlaws are footing a portion of the bill, then I would be moreinclined to say yeah, let them invite Sam.

However, what worries me is that he treated you badly in the past. Why would they want someone there you've had problems with? I don't understand. Have you expressed WHy you don't want him there, that it would be distracting and make you very uncomfortable? Say you're okay with any other close friends, but this guys is just someone you really don't like.

Your fiance should be supporting YOU, not be indifferent. Especially when your feelings are involved.