Wedding Invitations - Asking for Money?

Question

Okay, so I know that people often say it is rude to ask for money for their wedding-- why?! I have no idea. I've been to a wedding where they asked for money, and I didn't think it was rude at all. Yet at some weddings it traditional to give money? I have no idea.

Anyways, my fiancee and I are having a very small wedding- we are paying for everything ourselves and do not need any household items.

Everyone comming to the wedding is very close family and friends, so it's not like we'd be asking random people for money-- no one would be offended by this.

I would like to add an insert in my invitation with this information on it,

something casual saying we are going to have a 'cash basket' at the recpetion and people can give as little or as much as they feel compelled - they can write a check or make it annonymous.

What would be a good way to word it?

Answer 1

you can just charge admission or you can put in a cute poem that says something like

We've got no couth

We've got not class

So give us money

Or kiss our @$$.

Answer 2

Umm, if,as you stated,everyone coming to your wedding  is close family and friends,than why do you feel the need to state anything about $$ in the invitation. Shouldn't they all know your situation enough to realize you don't need a blender or toaster? "Cash Basket on an invitation insert!  All I can say is Holy inappropriate on so many levels. There is no good way to word it because it is super rude and presumptuous to tell guests what to give you as a gift. The choice of the gift is up to the gift giver,not receiver. Sorry.  

Answer 3

No matter how cute you put it or how creative you try to be, it's NEVER okay to ask for money.  WHY???  Because as a host, you should really not be telling people what they should be giving you.  A gift is optional and you should not make guests feel like they are obligated to give you money.

It's tru that many give money as a gift, but that's because they CHOOSE to and not because they are told by the bride and groom.  If you are going to have a "cash basket," you might as well go and rent out an ATM to put in the middle of your reception for guests so they can take out money and give it directly to you.  Adding an insert to your invites is like adding insult to injury.  YOU may not think people are not offended by it, but they won't tell you if they are anyway.

Answer 4

I find it hard to believe that no one would be offended by a couple asking for money in their wedding invitation.  I find it hugely offensive, and so do many people on this board.  When you invite people to an event, you are inviting them to celebrate with you.  There should be no presumption that they will be giving you gifts, thus it is quite tacky to try to direct them to give you any particular type of gift.  If they ASK, you can tell them your preferences or direct them to your registry, but only if they ASK.  

Answer 5

Why don't you rent an ATM and put it in your reception?  That would get the point across nicely.  I suggest on your engagement party registry that you ask for an Emily Post etiquette book.

It's rude to ask for money because you don't dictate a gift.  You don't include the registry invitation because it's tacky.  Word of mouth is best.  You are inviting your guests to a special occasion and they don't have to bring a gift.  Their presence is gift enough.  

Answer 6

I agree that it's tacky to mention anything about a gift on the invitation.

However, there are banks around the country that offer "bridal registry savings" accounts.  The cool thing about these is you can use the money for whatever you want, and the bank notifies you when somebody makes a deposit.  

I wouldn't let this be the only registry option, because some people have a big problem with giving money as a gift (my father-in-law being one of them), so make sure you register at a store too for cool stuff you don't already have at plenty of price points.

Hope this helps!  Word of mouth would probably be the best way to let your guests know about money being your first wedding gift choice, but appreciate and show thanks for whatever you might receive as a gift.

Hope this helps.  

Answer 7

why don't you do a money dance. that way you and your new hubby get a chance to talk privately with each guest. also they get something, to talk with you, and to make you look silly by pinning the money on you.

you only dance w/ each person for a minute. so it doesn't take long and its fun

Answer 8

If you want money, that's totally fine. But I wouldn't put that in the invitations themselves.  

Answer 9

Under no circumstances should you put anything in or as part of the invitation that discusses money or gifts, whether it's a registry or otherwise. Even if it's a casual wedding.

The only proper way to inform guests that you would like cash (which is fine ... whatever you guys want) is word of mouth, or on your wedding website, if you have one. Same goes for registry information.

I'm pretty sure the reason guests don't like to give cash is because they would prefer to give them something physical and they'll use for the years to come. It makes them feel like the gift is actually worth the effort of purchasing, shipping, etc. Which I agree with. But I'm also not opposed to giving cash, either. It's not my favorite thing, but whatever makes the couple happy.

Answer 10

People who have gift lists are asking for a specific gift, asking for money is similer and least you can buy what you want.  If the money is for something in specific then maybe state that.  People always feel obliged to give a gift and if you dont give clues to things you would like you could end up with 3 toasters, 2 kettles, 1 wok, 3 bales of towels and so on!  

Answer 11

I disagree.  Your idea will be seen as tacky & in poor taste.  Many couples want and need the cash, but it's rude to ask people to give it to you.

In some families, cash is the expected gift, but it is still not mandatory.

Now, if a good friend of yours, or an older close relative, were to spread the word among the family and friends that you would appreciate money, that's fine.

You may get cash, or not.

Why anonymous anyway?  Guests want you to know they bought you a gift.

A cash basket would make me uncomfortable.  Everybody looking and watching to see if you add money.  

BTW, who's going to guard the cash?

Please, cut back more on your reception, rather than ask for cash.

Answer 12

It's rude because you're not supposed to ask for gifts at all!  It doesn't matter what kind. It's like you're assuming people going to give you gifts.

If someone walked up to you on the street and asked for $20. Would you find that rude? Why is it any less rude to ask the same thing of family & friends?

What you can do is let your parents know you'd like cash and they spread the word to those who ASK.  

Answer 13

It's suppose to be a celebration of you marriage and having guests is wanting them to feel a part of your happiness. Expecting something from them is like having a wedding so you can get all the cool gifts and you don't care about the ceremony itself. Asking for money is TACKY and i don't care if you were my sister if you EXPECTED a gift from me and told me specifically you want that to be money... i would not attend your wedding. Not only are you telling those people that you are also telling them that you don't trust their judgment in finding a gift that you would want. What do you think you're gonna have the guests pay for your wedding and some. This is the most ridiculous thing i have ever heard and you have the guts to ask if its ethical like you don't know better.

Answer 14

The reason it's rude to ask for money is because by asking for a specific type of gift, you're assuming that you're going to get a gift. NEVER presume a gift, even if it's an occasion where you'll most likely get gifts.

There's nothing wrong with giving cash as a gift, though.

Don't put the insert in. If you plan on having a cash basket, tell your wedding party and parents, and they can pass the word on.