Wedding January 2010?

Question

I am getting married on January 23, 2010.

I have 1 big problem however.

Who will walk me down the aisle?

I have my biological father who wants to do the job but who frankly I dont know as he wasn't in my life until the last 2 years. He is little more than a sperm donor...

And

My step-father who has been there through thick and thin, tears and laughter, who has hugged me and told me how beautiful I am even when I wasn't exactly feeling it at the moment.

My biological father is threatening to boycott my wedding if he is not the one to do the job.

My step-father has assured me that he will play whatever part I choose for him..

Who should I choose? If I choose my step-father my biological father will walk away again, if I choose my biological father my step-father will support my choice..

I am leaning toward choosing my step-father because I consider him my real father and my biological father seems only interested in himself rather than me...

Answer 1

First off, congratulations. I sincerely hope all the family problems work themselves out before your wedding and you have a great day.

If your step-father has been closer to you, then I would choose him. If your biological father chooses to not come to the wedding, that is his problem.

One potential way to diffuse the situation would be to ask your future husband, to make your biological father one of his groomsmen (not the best-man, but one of the other two). This way, he will have some kind of a role in the wedding and feel like he is included. Hopefully you have a very understanding fiance and he will do this to help cool the tensions in the family.

Personally I think your biological father is being quite rude and selfish. The day is suppose to be all about the bride and groom (but mostly the bride since all eyes will be focused on you).

Please try to talk to your fiance and ask him if he would be willing to do this. Then if he says yes, schedule a time to sit down with your biological father (in person) and explain what role he will have (in a firm but settle way you need to let him know his choices are either to accept your wishes or not attend).

Answer 2

Hi no one can give the correct answer because it is your special day and you are the only one who knows how you feel. But i also have a step father who has been through thick and thin and more like a father to me than my actual dad, and my dad up and left with his new wife abroad thousands of miles away and spunked hundreds and thousands of pounds down the drain not thinking about me or my future. So i would say your step dad, because if your biological father was a understanding he would totaly be cool with whatever you decide, and if he goes away again then he's not worth it! Or you could ask your mum to if she is able to?

Answer 3

Whoever ur closer to. Your dad wants all the glory without having to do all the work(by being in ur life).Good Luck!

Answer 4

Here is what you do I'm a DJ and have come across this many times. Have your biological father start you down and about 1/3 of the way have your step father stand up at that point and finish the walk. This works well if they get along.

Answer 5

definately your stepfather...your biological father already walked out once what is stopping him from doing it again. sorry to be brutally honest...pick the man who treats you like a daughter

Answer 6

why dont you talk to them both and have one on each arm... i dont know if they would wear the same suit or whatever but i think it would look nice if they did. tell them gracefully they both played a big part in your life. your step dad for raising you and your dad for...well... sorry that suppose to come out more heart felt then that. but i hope you get my drift. tell them you would not be who you are without both of them and you would like them both to be there.

Answer 7

Well your stepfather saying he will support you either way should be your answer right there.

Your biological father (or any father for that right) does not have the right to dmeand to be one to walk you down the aisle.  It is YOUR wedding.  But if you feel that your stpfather is your real father, choose him.  It is supposed to be the man in your life giving you away to your new man.

But if it really is that big of a deal, dont walk with anyone.  if your father gets offended and leaves with that, then you never needed him in your life anyway and he doesn't deserve you.

But I would chose my stepfather in this situation.

Answer 8

I feel so strongly about this.... Your step father!!  It is your day and you must choose your gut feeling.  Dont try and please anyone because a) you cant ever achieve that, and b) because you will make yourself uncomfortable and unhappy!

  

I am in a similar situation but I am going away to get married alone with my man, so dont need to pick.  My step dad would want to do it if I were here, but I would choose my own Dad despite perhaps hurting another's feelings... That is because he is the one that I would want, nothing to do with obigation etc.

Answer 9

Choose your step father....he genuinely seems concerned about your happiness.

Your biological father boycotted your entire life, will it really be so bad if he misses your wedding?

Answer 10

well if you care about your bio dad and dont want him to walk out on you agian i would have him and your step dad, there is no rule that says you cant have 2 people walk you down the aisle, i understand how you want your step dad and i would say choose him if you dont care about your dad and if he leaves, i would tell him you both are walking me down and if your dad has a problem with it, tel him its your day and this is what you want and if he boycots it, then let him, like you said hes just being selfish and it proves hes not there for you and what you want, i mean he acts like he has to put on this front like he's the worlds greatest dad or something.

good luck and congrats!!

and remember its your day choose whoever or whatever is going to make you happy( i learned you wont be able to everyone else happ, so why not at least make yourself happy!)

Answer 11

Honestly, I'd choose the step-father. He's the one who's been daddy to you over the years. If your biological father really cared, he'd support whatever choice you made. Since he's being childish and making threats on boycotting the wedding, I'd call his bluff. If he doesn't show up then you'll know what kind of man he is. If he does still show, you'll know that he does indeed have the capacity to care about someone other than himself.

Answer 12

Without a moments hesitation i would choose your step father, any one can be a dad but it takes a real man to be a father !

Your father has proved that he is a selfish so and so by putting you in this predicament in the first place, if he truly loved you and respected you there would be no need for this question to be asked !

Your step father though, has proved that he respects you and your decision making and will keep the peace to make you happy.

You said it your self in your question your 'real' dad is nothing more than a sperm donor, and do you really want a sperm donor walking you down the aisle, or a man you trust, love and respect ?

Answer 13

You should choose your step-father.  He's been a real father to you.  

It really seems like the only person your biological father cares about is himself, and if he ends up boycotting the wedding and not seeing you anymore, then take it as a good thing.  You don't need someone like that in your life anyway.

Answer 14

Congrats on setting the day :-) Who says you need to go with tradition? Let them both take you down the isle. If they are both important to you and have made a significant contribution to your life, then I don't see why you can't have both men proudly escort you down the isle. The idea is sweet, no one will get hurt, and both will feel like valued figures in your life. It's a win win situation. :-) Good Luck and best wishes.

Answer 15

Sounds like you want your step-father to do it.

However, what about asking your mom?

My husband and I walked up the aisle together, and it was wonderful - so maybe consider that option, or you walking alone.