Wedding Registry, yeah or nay?

Question

I started off planning a "no gifts" wedding by asking my mother and future MIL to spread the "no gifts, please" word to anyone who asks about gifts and by putting "no gifts please, only your presence" on the wedding web site. The reason is that we are old enough to have all that we truly need and don't want people to think we're finally getting married "just for the gifts." (Why do people think that anyway - it costs a lot more to throw a wedding than any of the gifts are worth?).... However, so many people have been asking and many people don't feel satisfied with the "no gifts" answer - even when we added a few charities to the Web site that they could give to if they really wanted to give a gift in our honor. Soooo.... would it be bad to quietly register somewhere and only tell people we're registered when they insist on getting a gift? Or is that unfair to all the people we've already told not to bring gifts? The wedding is in 2 weeks.

Answer 1

If your wedding is only two weeks away, then don't register. Those that want to get you something will have to suck it up and make a donation in your honor. That's what you really want anyway and they should accept that.

While, personally, I think you should have made a registry of a few small things to begin with for guests (some really just want to get you nice stuff for your house), there's no need to now. Don't stress yourself out over it. What you have is fine, and kudos for the charity registry!

Answer 2

I wouldn't register at this late a date.  For those that keep insisting, I would tell them that a gift card to somewhere like Bed, Bath, and Beyond would be put to good use (which they would probably do anyway).

We were originally going to do no gifts but bowed to pressure and registered for some things in addition to asking for charitable donations instead.

Answer 3

It would not be right, because the people who did not know will see other people bringing gifts, and they will feel crummy.

Answer 4

A registry isn’t a request or a demand. It’s a suggestion for those who want to give gifts. Register without guilt.  

Answer 5

No, don't do it that way. It's all or nothing. You can't tell some people to bring a gift and others not, they will just be hurt, or annoyed.  

Answer 6

I think it's too late to register plus it wouldn't be fair to the people you already said no gift to.  I'm guessing you will end up with a lot of cash gifts (which definitely isn't a bad thing).

Answer 7

No don't register. Like you said, it could make guests who didn't "pry" hard enough to know about the quiet registry feel bad.

In truth, you're going to get a lot of envelopes with money in them. Donate them to your charities or buy some new sheets/towels!

Answer 8

I think most people coming to a wedding would want to bring a gift to help you celebrate. If you are getting married in 2 weeks, that's almost too late to register. We weren't planning to do any registries, but as soon as the invitations went out we started getting calls asking where we are registered. So, we registered at WalMart, Target and Penneys and put things like towels, sheets and dishes on the list. We both have our own homes, but it will be nice to have a few new things.  

Answer 9

I would register if someone ask the refer them to it.  

Answer 10

Saying "no gifts" can seem just as rude as asking for cash (which can be done politely through the grapvine when people ask). The thing to remember is not to presume anyone will be giving anything, so people get offended by having the presumed gift get turned down. People obviously won't listen, and the people that do may feel silly.

When asked, you should give the typical "Any gift would be appreciated" response. People will persist, so I would register since it is nicer than asking for cash or getting c**p you don't need.  Just register for very practical and inexpensive things you need. I am sure you could use some extra towels or sheets, even if you have some. Think about spares here or some things you want that you may not buy yourself. To keep the pressure off, keep things at very reasonable prices.

ADD: Oops, didn't notice how soon the wedding is. SChi is right, it is probably too late.

Answer 11

Well, you seem to be pretty solid on the 'no gifts' department personally, so just keep your ground.  If someone really wants to buy you a gift, they can take a guess and get you champagne flutes.  No matter what, you are more than likely going to get gifts and money no matter how much you say you don't want anything.  You have already given them other options are actually being very gracious.  If they get too pushy, just explain to them that you have all you need and if they would like to make a monetary donation to certain charities, you would find that to be way more beneficial.  

Answer 12

Register  for the gifts you want, and tell the people you want to tell and be done with it. You should not be worried about this sort of thing two weeks before your wedding, there is to many other things you probably should be thinking about! Congrats!

Answer 13

We totally feel the same way.  We are having a private family-only ceremony followed by a huge, fun reception for all our friends and family the next day.  So we have to be careful to now suggest that we're having the party for gifts (which is absolutely NOT true.  We're too shy and don't want the high-maintenance planning of the big ceremony but we still want to celebrate with everyone we love.)

So we didn't register anywhere.  On our web site, we offer a well-worded explanation why.  We also said that if people really did want to do something (since like you said, people almost get frustrated if they have NO idea because some choose to get a gift, whatever you say), there are many ways we'd love help for the reception.  We listed ideas about buying decorations, helping to clean, helping to drive people to their hotels, buying the champagne, etc. etc.  That way they know they're being helpful if they choose and we don't get stuck with items we don't want from not registering.  So you can always ask for help with services or supplies.

We're young, but our apartment is packed as is so we really don't want anything!

So, since you have specific ideas, you can always register for a very small number of items.  Or, you can spread the word through relatives and friends that you'd love sheets and towels.  If you get a bunch of different colors, that just means you have more options!

Good luck!

Answer 14

Some places you can register, and then just put in the comments on the registry. "The couple greatfully accepts the purchase of gift cards to be used towards their favourite charities."

But you should expect some random china and stemware from the elders. Hopefully they will give gift receipts!

Answer 15

you can say in lieu of gifts please make a donation to such and such charity and have a list of causes you would like to support

Answer 16

make a sm registry for the people who insist to give you gifts, tell them though that you would prefer donations to a charity in your name in lieu of gifts