Wedding and bridesmaid problem...need help?

Question

Ok here goes I asked my friend to be a bridesmaid and she said yes we were really close, I babysat her kids, helped her with functions she was envolved with and much more but recently she has distance herself and won't talk to me or if I email her she answers with a short 2 sentence response, she was putting a collage together for me for my invitations and I got her to change 1 thing and she flipped out so I told her that I wasn't going to be treated like ****, I mean I did pay for her to do it I didn't expect her to do it for free...I have giving her time and it has been 5 weeks now...my wedding is in 6 weeks and I don't want it to be awkward so what can I do, I have been nice and tried emailing her but I seem to be getting no where...should I just ask her not to be in it now, I really don't need this stress and I am just heart broken over this whole situation I lost a great friend over something so stupid but I don't think I should have been treated that way...help!!!

Answer 1

Don't ask her not to be in the wedding - your friendship will be ruined. But do let her know that you recognize how busy she already is with bridesmaid obligations, and you don't expect her life to stop for your wedding, so you're going to ask someone else to do the invitations - not because you don't like her work, but because it's not fair for her to have so many responsibilities.

I know you're the bride, but your wedding shouldn't have to destroy your friendships. Be as accommodating and understanding as you can.

Answer 2

This must be very frustrating for you.

I agree that there's probably more to the story so it's hard to give a perfect answer.

Since she's a mom and busy with her own life, your wedding is probably not her priority like it is yours, understandably. Things that are super-important to you are probably not so super-important to her. She may think you have over-reacted and may be trying to step back a little bit for some breathing room. That happens all the time.

I agree with the other suggestions that you take the time to meet with her face to face and just talk. She already knows you're stressed out so you don't need to talk about that. But maybe she needs to talk a little about what's going on in her life. Listen. And be her friend. And then talk about the wedding and come to a mutual agreement on what needs to be done and on what time frame.

I know you want everything perfect - that's natural! But people and friends are not perfect and they aren't going to be thinking about your wedding the way you do. They don't mean to insult you; it's just really way more important to you than anybody else at the moment.

So -- call her up, see if you can visit with her, treat her to lunch or coffee somewhere, talk, listen, and decide together how to handle things.

Best of luck to you!

Answer 3

That's why I never hire/accept the help of my friends, because you'll lose your bussiness AND your friend...and that's a risk not worth having.

With that said, maybe she felt that you were bossing her around... some people are more suceptible than others and perhaps she felt offended by your approach. I understand how tricky it can be to get it "exactly right"  and some people may not be as receptive of how you want things done.

I feel that you are more interested in her friendship than the collage, and to be honesth, that is the correct approach and I commend you for having your hear in the right place.

So, call her, make amends were is due, ask yourself if perhaps you came across as too strong and offended her somehow. You are right, it's not worth losing a friendship for something so small. Apologize if needed and try to get her to talk to you so you can get over this.

Good luck

Answer 4

I'd call her and ask her to lunch-your treat. Talk with her about what is going on, tell her you are sorry, ask what you can do to fix it, and just see what she says. She might be too stressed, etc and want to move on. But talk otherwise you'll never know.

Answer 5

There is more so much more going on here.  I would go to her house, and I would ask her straight up what is going on. If you don't get any answers from her I would then tell her not to bother being in the wedding.

Answer 6

i  personally don't think that you have anything to be sorry for....IT'S YOUR WEDDING...but it is stressful for everyone involved...not just you.By the way congradulations

well if going to her house isen't working then try sending her some flowers to say that your sorry....and after reading your additional details and you said that everything else was PERFECT...then why did you feel the need to pick out the one thing that wasen't...that probably really hurt her feelings.Either way I wish you the best of luck and hopefully your friendship can be salvaged.

Answer 7

I think you need to get together with her outside of e-mail. I think you guys should go to lunch and sit down and talk. The nice thing about e-mail is how quickly it is sent and received. The bad thing about it is that the person reading it can interrupt it in SO many diff. ways that you might be suffering a lot of mis-communication in the process. Good luck!

Answer 8

perhaps she is the one who feels you treated her like ****.  maybe she put alot of work into doing this for you...whether you paid her or not.  and it probably hurt her feelings for you to want to change things.  if you are that specific then its best to do it yourself and spare others feelings.  its also all in the way you say it too.  maybe you think you were nice about it, but really came across as rude.  you also dont sound heartbroken....you sound more like "poor me, my wedding, I'm stressed"  what about everyone else?  your wedding is important to you, but it doesnt mean the world to everyone else.  stop sending emails and go tell her to her face your sorry for hurting her feelings.  if you cant do that then you deserve the stress.

Answer 9

I would actually GO TO HER HOME and talk to her about it.  Tell her you've noticed that she no longer talks to you and want to know if she is going to be in the wedding or not.  Just tell her that her recent actions indicate that maybe she doesn't want to be and you need to know now.