Wedding bells clashing...?

Question

My wedding is less than a month away, and I have a close friend (she calls us best friends and I considered her a best friend until this, now i'm not so sure), anyway she says she doesn't want to go to my wedding, which is fine, but then she turns around and tells me that I'll be planning her wedding after mine is over. I tried to tell her I wasn't really interested, but she said she wouldn't take no for an answer. I'm frustrated, because she's pretty much demanding me to be at her wedding AND PLAN IT AT THAT, but she doesn't want to be at mine. I'm not sure what to do. any ideas?

I did ask her why she didn't really want to go and she said that her bf and her were together longer and she's jealous that i'm getting married first. Frankly I think its childish, but I'm trying to do the best thing and be nice so I am torn.

Answer 1

Well you don't really have to plan her wedding, I mean, she isn't going to lock you in a room with floral arrangements and silk until it's all planned.

I think you just need to tell her how hurtful her behaviour is.  I'm sure when it comes down to it, you two are best friends and you will be thrilled and excited to help her with her special day.  But I think you need to explain to her that despite her jealousy (which I agree is childish) you would appreciate she be somewhat excited for you and your special day.

Maybe remind her that in 5-10 years you both will only remember the great memories of your days, and the few months apart your weddings is going to be inconsequential, but not having each other's friendship in 5-10 years might be heartbreaking for both of you.

Good Luck!

Answer 2

Be nice, but tell her that you are not planning anybody else's wedding. It's a shame she's not coming, but if she is that childish, no loss.

Answer 3

With friends like that, who needs enemies?

You're right.  She's being childish.  Tell her that while you've always loved and respected her, her new behavior really has you questioning where you stand.  Inform her that you are really saddened that she can't be happy for you and that you wish she'd change her mind about coming to the wedding.  

Also, inform her how daunting it is to put together a wedding, and that you're not a professional.  Say, "I looked up some wedding planners in our area, and here's their numbers.  You might try them" because once your wedding is over you just want to enjoy married life with your husband.  The last thing on your mind is wedding planning.

If she's unyielding, I suggest you join a church group or knitting club and make some new friends.

Answer 4

Be completely blunt with her and ask her why you should be planning her wedding when she cant even attend yours ????

You need to be honest with her or she will keep trying to walk over you.

Answer 5

sounds like u need a new friend....cut ur losses with her...u dont need a 'friend' like that...

Answer 6

To put it simply she is being very immature.  How does she know this boyfriend will ever want to marry her.  Maybe he has cold feet or is not ready yet.  The bottom line is if she doesn't want to go to your wedding, maybe she isn't your best friend.  I'm not saying she isn't a friend, just maybe there is a better friend that would like to be your maiden of honour.  You don't have a lot of time, figure it out.  You could always tell her too that when she gets married, maybe you could help her plan it, but since you are married, it wouldn't be a good idea to be in the wedding party.  That is for single people.

Answer 7

Just enjoy your wedding and don't worry about who did and didn't attend.

You are under no obligation to plan her wedding.  Keep declining the opportunity to do so.

She doesn't sound like a good friend to me.

Answer 8

She IS being childish.  It's not only childish to not come to your wedding for those reasons, it's childish to ask--no, demand--that someone else plan her wedding for her.  Children have people take care of them, children have no responsibilities.  She is behaving like a child, maybe because she never learned not to be one. I can't believe she's getting married! Yeah, that'll go well....

This doesn't have to be the end of your friendship.  But you do need to tell her you will NOT plan her wedding.  If you are hurt she's not coming to your wedding because she "doesn't want to" I would tell her that too.  Express YOUR feelings to her and express how important it is that she acknowledges them and lets it be. You don't need a big scene right before your wedding.  Tell her that you love her but you need her to acknowledge how you feel (it doesn't mean she has to change her mind or feel the same way), and if she wants to discuss it, it can wait until after the wedding.   This will probably be difficult, but stick to your guns.  Reiterate and repeat.  Walk away if you need to.  She's already expressed HER feelings, so all she'd be doing is arguing.  Don't let her childishness distract you from this very important time of emotional, mental, and physical preparation.  

I wish you the best in your marriage!!!

Answer 9

She is childish and you need to forget her. Stop being nice, she's walking all over you. Jealous? That's a horrible reason for not going to your wedding. If she doesn't go to yours, forget hers. Tell her you are too busy and have no time to help her. If she is a true friend, she'll understand and will grow up. If not, you don't need her!

Answer 10

I agree, she is being very childish and immature. I understand being jealous that you got married first, but if she was a true friend she would support you on your special day and not let her feelings get in the way. I would not plan her wedding for her. To not only turn her back on your day and than come out and basically command you that you are going to plan hers is rude and you don't need "friends" like her.

If you feel up to it, give her a chance after the wedding to grow up. If she is still acting like this, then cross her off your friends list and do not give in to her demands that you are planning her wedding. She has no right to do this and you do not have to take her c**p. Congrats on your impending marriage.

Answer 11

Yes, if that is the real reason, then she is being childish. Enjoy your wedding with or without her and don't feel that you are obligated to help her plan hers. Do it only if you really want to be involved.