Wedding dilemma about semi-estranged Dad?!?

Question

I have a dad and step-dad. My real dad has been involved in my life, all my life until I turned 18 (I am 25 now). When I was 18 my real dad and I had a falling out and my dad basically disowned me. My real dad and I have started to reconcile a little about a year ago, but I still haven't seen him (I lived in Florida.. now I live back in Michigan, where my dad lives). My dad has not keep in touch with me, it is only when I call him do I ever get to speak with him. The last conversation I had with him was when I told him I was engaged and getting married in December, my dad didn't say anything, and I asked him if he was busy doing something and he was so I let him go and told him to call me when he got time: That was in April. All the while, my step-dad has been in my life since I had been 3....and is still a huge part in my life. I am super-close with my mom and step-dad... I see them everyday! I am having my step-dad do all the daddy/daughter stuff for the wedding: walking me down the isle, daddy/daughter dance, etc... My question is: what do I do with my real dad? Do I tell him my step-dad is doing all the dad stuff? Do I even include my dad in the wedding? I dont want to hurt my real dad when he sees my step-dad walking me down the isle. I plan on inviting my real dad, but am not sure if he will even show up. What do I do about my real dad?

Answer 1

If your father receives the invitation and in return calls and asks if there's anything he needs to do for the wedding you could, at this point, invite him to walk you down the aisle along with your step-father. You do have 2 fathers after all, so why not include both of them if they're both genuinely interested? It's actually very common for women to have both their fathers and step-fathers walk them down the aisle because they feel committed to both of them. It also implies an adherence to tradition and family blood but love and respect to your step-father as well. Conversely, If you really don't feel comfortable having your father take part in any of the  ceremony or reception , tell him (tactfully ;) ) that your step-father will be taking the father roles in your wedding. He will most likely not be all-too surprised at this news if he hasn't contacted you in the 4-5 months since you last spoke with him. All you can do is make your choices as gracefully and tactfully as possible so that you have done everything you can to assuage any, possibly inevitable, hurt feelings.

However,  I wouldn't worry about initiating any contact if there is no concern expressed on his end at any point. If he isn't worrying about it, you shouldn't either.

You have ever right to the ceremony of your dreams, whatever that looks like. I wish you best of luck!

Answer 2

He is your real father so I would flat out ask him if he would like to walk you down the isle. You sound really close to your step-dad so if your real dad says yes I wouldn't push step-dad aside you can walk with both. I think it would hurt him if you didn't ask him and he did attend your wedding since he is your dad and shares your blood.

My friend's dad hasn't really been in her life at all. She even found out she had a brother that he never told her about! When she got married he walked her down the isle, he didn't show up to the reception or next day bbq. Now they talk quite often. I don't think they would be talking as much as they do now if she wouldn't have invited him.