Wedding disaster! help!?

Question

my mum and dad split up when i was about 3 years old.

my mum then got with my stepdad after a couple of years and he has helped support my mum, me and 2 brothers ever since.

My dad had nothing to do with us up until a few agos (when i was about 15 yrs- i am now 21) now i see him regulary and have a good relationship. He too sees both of my brothers.

i have recently got engaged to a wonderful man who means the world to me, it's just with the wedding i honestly don't know who to do. My mum and the rest of the family hate my dad and doesn't want him at the wedding as he left us and gave us no support (father relationship wise and money wise) thoughtput my whole childhood. i would like him there though. but the situation of 'walking me down the aisle' my dad talks about it all the time since i have got engaged! and my mum obviously says my step dad should. i really dont know what to do or tell my dad if i decide not too. i was thinking to have both my brothers walk me but both my stepdad and dad will be upset!. How do i go about making the right decision????

Answer 1

Honestly Hon you ask the man who has been the father in your growing up years...the one who supported you, was there when you learned to ride a bike, started school, on Christmas morning, Sunday suppers, etc,wiped away tears, shared your laughter, taught you right from wrong, was there for your brothers and your mother.....

You ask your step-father. It's good that you have re-connected with Dad but when push came to shove it was your step-dad who was there for you when you needed a father most...honor that. Have your father at the wedding, yes, but honor your real Daddy-your step father.

good luck.

Answer 2

Well, number one, as everyone will tell you, it is your day.  So you must be comfortable with what you want.

Stop for a moment and don't think about what everyone else wants.  I don't know if this is an option for you, but if you love both of your dad's equally, can they both walk you down the aisle.  Or, I don't know if this would be awkward or not, but have one of you walk you part way and the other walk you the rest of the way.

Remember, this is your day, and if you want both of the father figures in your life to be a part of it, then you should have it.  At the end of the day, make yourself happy.

Answer 3

it's your wedding, unless your mom is paying for all of it, tell her you want your dad there and she has to deal with it.  You could have your dad on one arm and step-dad on the other and when they ask "who gives this woman away" they could say "we do" in unison or "her father" in unison.  Since they are both your dad in a way.

If you want your dad involved then let him be involved and if you have a good relationship with your step-dad I personally think it would be impreative to have him involved as well, he did raise you and is a father to you.  But your mom has to understand this day is not about her, it is about you and your husband to be and what you guys want.

Good luck! and please try to enjoy the wedding planning:D you only get to do this once (hopefully. lol)

EDIT: what about having your step-dad walk you half way down the isle to symbolize him being there in the beginning of your life and have your biological dad walk you the second half of the way to symbolize him being there now.  Or have your dad JOIN you and your step dad and have them both walk yo the second half to show that both men are now in your life. (just a thought)

Answer 4

Whatever decision you make your family needs to understand it is all your decision. They need to respect that over everything else.

My cousin just went though the same thing like this. she had both dads walk her down the isle. It didn't make my aunt very happy but she respected the fact it was what the bride wanted.

You need to do what you feel in your heart is what you want..not what seems right. 15 years from now you need to be able to look back and say i picked this person to walk me down the isle and i am totally happy with that. There is nothing worse than looking back on one of the most important days in your life and not be thrilled because you did what was right and not in what was in your heart.

Good Luck and Congrats

Answer 5

That's a sticky situation- one I'm facing myself.  At my wedding I'll be having my actual dad, my mom's BF who is like a stepdad to me, and my uncle, who was kind of our "father figure" growing up and we're still very close.  What I'm doing is this:  I am having my uncle walk me down the aisle, as he is the one of all of them who was really there for me since I was a kid.  I am having my mom's BF perform the ceremony (we got him ordained online and he'll be great!) and I'm giving my dad the father-daughter dance at the reception.  Hopefully everyone will co-exist pleasantly and remain civil throughout the ceremony and reception.  I don't know why they wouldn't- they're all nice people in their own ways.  My dad might get disappointed that he doesn't get to walk me down the aisle, but maybe he should have thought of that back when I was 12 and he decided to choose his new family with his new wife and her kids over my brother and me.  

As for my family, I think my mom would prefer that my dad wasn't there, since they had a particularly ugly divorce and custody battle, and because she barely got any child support from him and had to drive herself into debt to support us.  But in the end, she understands that he IS my father and it would be kind of awful if I didn't invite him.  I really wish I didn't have to invite his wife, but they've been married for 22 years now, and I can't not invite her!  My mom and my dad have now both found the person they were supposed to be with in the first place- it's neither of their faults that they weren't compatible with each other.  I think it will all go well.  You just have to lilsten to your heart and see what it tells you about your situation- leave the feelings of your other family members out of it for a second.  The right answer will come to you.

Answer 6

i would go with the brothers. that way your not choosing either of your dads over the other. if they make a big deal about it tell them that its your desision and you just couldnt choose because they both mean alot to you

Answer 7

Its up to you. Its your dad. Your decision. Your wedding day.  

Answer 8

First, keep in mind that this is your wedding. While you need to be sensitive to everyone's feelings, you need to do what is best for you. If your father is not there, will you regret it? From the sound of it, if he wasn't there the wedding day, you probably wouldn't feel right. If you do decide to invite him, he probably shouldn't walk you down the aisle. The tradition of a father walking his daughter down the aisle is to signify that you were once his responsability and now he is giving you to your husband to start your own family with. If your father wasn't a part of your childhood upbringing he really doesn't have the right to "give you away".

If you don't feel comfortable asking your step-father, let me offer another alternative. I had a somewhat similar situation and instead of ailienating two men who were both important in my life, I had my mother walk me down the aisle. She was for me (and it sounds like it is for you as well) the one constant person who throughout my life who was always there.

No matter what you decide you need to sit each party down seperatly and explain to them what your decision is. Make sure when you speak they understand that this is the decision you have made and are sticking to it. Be sure to tell them that this is the most important day in your life and you don't want to look back on it with any regrets. Let them know that if your happiness is truly important to them that they will understand and support your decision.

Good Luck!

Answer 9

Why do weddings always have to make life so complicated? If I were you, I'd elope in order to avoid it all.

If you don't want to avoid it altogether, though, you have several options:

1)Have a small ceremony with no processional. Then no one walks down the aisle at all.

2)Having both your brothers walk you down the aisle actually seems like a wonderful idea. It will probably thrill your brothers, and if both your dads are upset about it, well, at least they can't be mad at each other over it.

3)Walk down the aisle by yourself. In this day and age, I actually think it's ridiculous that we still pretend the father is giving the bride away. You're not a piece of property.

4)Walk down the aisle with your fiance. This is what my parents did at their wedding. It still lets you have a proper procession, without any connotation of the bride being property, and it lets the groom, who, let's face it, is also getting married, walk down the aisle as well.

5)Have your stepdad walk you down the aisle. He's the one who's been your real father. Your biological father, who left you when you were a child, should be happy to be invited to your wedding at all, and, frankly, it's selfish of him to all of a sudden expect a big role in your wedding when he wasn't around before. Just think of it this way: you're disappointing him once, but how often was he there for you when you were growing up? How many times did he disappoint you? I'm not usually an eye-for-an-eye type of person, but if he's disappointed you even once in your lifetime, there's no reason to feel bad about disappointing him once. Have the father who's been there for you throughout the years walk you down the aisle, and let your dad be happy he was invited to the wedding at all.

Answer 10

I think it would be a great idea to have your dad and your step-dad on either side of you, as long as they can get along!  If you think the fuss will be too big, then I love the idea of your brothers walking you down.  Have you thought about the father/bride dance yet?  That one's going to be tricky!  For that, I think maybe the spotlight dance can be done away with altogether, and just dance with everyone throughout the evening so no one feels slighted.  Good luck and congratulations!

Answer 11

Follow your heart.  You really have 3 options:

1. have both walk you (1 on each side)

2. choose who you feel closer to

3. walk by yourself or with your fiance (if you choose this option, just tell everyone that you didn't like the idea of being given away like a piece of property...or walking down the aisle with your fiance is romantic b/c it is the beginning of your journey in life together).

Answer 12

Have your mom do it! that way you dont hurt either of your fathers feelings. .

Then for the father/daughter dance you can dance with your father first then halfway through the song grab your stepdad and dance with him so that they are both included.

For pictures I would also get pics of you, your mom and stepdad and fiance, then a seperate pic of you your fiance and your real dad.

Answer 13

whatever makes you feel the best is the best decision. It's then the job of the older adults to act like it, or to ruin your wedding if they choose.

Answer 14

If your dad and stepdad can keep the peace, have one of them on either side of you.  Or have your dad walk you down halfway, and your stepdad can be waiting there to walk you to your groom.  Have (separate) talks with each of them and explain your feelings.

Answer 15

I'm actually having both my father and step-father walk me down the isle. thy are both dad's to me and they both deserve to do that

Answer 16

when i was growing up I never had a dad he just wasn't there I met him when i was 15 - i put the past in the past and he has been there for me on up!

He is a GREAT guy!  but so is my mom! They both are walking me down..

if you want your brother idea is great! that way both dad's can fight the same battle instead of holding a grudge they will get over it for their sons!

hard choice but as everyone says it is your day!

and your choice!  just remember you can't please everyone and your family shouldn't get up set on your choice!  your the one who has to live with it!

luckly for me everyone in my family get's a long!  my mom and dad are friends but no together!  but my fiance's parents don't talk so this will be interesting!

they don't me and i will not have any issues with running off to do this! My family knows this his don't !  but they will if they push the wrong buttons! :)