Wedding gift...or not even go?

Question

My co-worker, whom I have known for 6 months, is getting married. I will be invited and she made comments like "can't be cheap with gifts" and that kinda thing. She specifically told me that the "greek" way (she's greek) is to pay for your dinner, and then to give gifts of money during the dances (she said $20 was cheap too-people usually give $50s) and then have enough of a cash gift for the couple to buy something. Then she told me dinner is $120 a plate! If I do the calculations is comes up to roughly a $400 gift... Obviously, she is inviting me for the money... Thoughts??

Answer 1

For sure, go, have fun - but bring a gift of your choosing, and which fits your budget!  

Answer 2

Don't go.  I wouldn't!!!  The money thing is rude and I would feel funny about going to someone's wedding I've only known for 6 months.  Decline and send a nice card.

Just don't go....end of story.  Say you have a family obligation that day.

Answer 3

what a snob don't go and just get a gift card. I hope she is not your friend if so please dump her!!  

Answer 4

Don't go. Send something cheap from the registry.  

Answer 5

I would decline going to the wedding.  Weddings should not be an obligation to the guest!

Answer 6

I'm not Greek or anything, but I don't think it's right to ask for money. I'm getting married sat, but I wouldn't think of telling anyone to buy their own plate AND give me cash for a gift. You're their guest, if someone invited you to their house for dinner, you wouldn't pay them for feeding you. If you invite someone to share your day that is what their gift should be. It's not expected that any guest bring a gift, but if they do it's a nice gesture.  

Answer 7

I would not go.  That is very rude to tell someone how much to spend .  I also wouldn't buy her anything.  

Answer 8

My mother's boyfriend is Greek.  

You're being invited for a gift, and an expensive one at that.

I think you should go and take no gift, go and take a cheap gift, or not go at all and send her a note saying you just can't afford the cost of ADMISSION.

Personally, I'd do the first....

Answer 9

Sounds like that RSVP card should be returned ASAP with a "not able to attend" response, and lovely card around the date of her wedding.

Answer 10

Yes you are being invited for gifts. I must say that she has displayed poor taste in many ways. First she should never mention to her guests how much she is paying per plate, never mentioned how much for a money dance, then a cash gift.

She is just flat out rude and greedy. Traditions are fine but when you invite people of other ethnicities you shouldn't expect them to follow your own.

Very classless person I would have to say and I would be embarrassed to say I knew her if I was you.

If it was me, I would decline the invite and simply send an empty card afterwards. Obviously one's thoughts are not enough for her.

Gifts are optional and should be accepted graciously no matter how big or small, she apparently missed out on manners growing up.  

Answer 11

just RSVP that you cannot make it

Answer 12

Sounds like you should turn down the invitation from this greedy bridezilla right away.  You have no obligation to get any type of gift.  A gift card is a nice gesture, but based on what she's already told you, she'll think any amount is "cheap".

She's only known you for 6 months and all she can talk about is how much money people spend on her gifts.  That's really tacky.

Answer 13

If she is requiring that everyone follow a certain set of cultural traditions (and frankly, she sounds like she's being greedy here, and going beyond "this is what is expected at Greek weddings) she should not be inviting people from outside of that culture.

Normally I'd say that you should gracefully decline, and decide whether or not to send a gift based on your relationship. In this case, however, I'd say that you oughtn't even send a gift. If she questions this (as she might, because if she's this interested in gifts she'll point out that you can send a gift even without attending) then tell her that you didn't feel comfortable giving a gift less than she told you to, and didn't want to/have the money to/feel like rewarding greed by getting her an expensive one.

Answer 14

Don't go! She sounds like a total brat. Weddings are supposed to be about beinging united with the one you love in front of everyone who is dear to you...not money. Obviously she has her priorities mixed up. Don't worry about it.

Answer 15

I wouldnt even go.  Anyone trying to make money off their wedding and is that concerned about it is getting married for all the wrong reasons.  Honestly, whe nit comes to people like that  Iwould seriously love to go, eat my dinner and give a card with 5 bucks in it, but honestly, I'm better then that and wouldnt want to stoop down to their level.

Answer 16

If you're close to her, I would get a gift around $100 to $150.

If you could care less what she thinks...don't go and give her a card expressing your regret for not being able to attend.  you can if you want, insert a gift card for $50.

Answer 17

If you are not friends outside of work, I would not attend.  

Answer 18

That's ridiculous.. As an Italian, it's customary to "pay" for the meal by giving a gift that covers your food plus a little extra.. But you don't go around demanding it.  I would have never dreamed of telling people they must give me money and that it couldn't be cheap.  I'd rather not have gotten any gifts and have had people who were close to me be there.  Your coworker just sounds greedy.  

Answer 19

I think I would probably go,but since I'm not "greek" and don't practice the "greek" way, I would give a normal weding present.

Answer 20

I would RSVP in the negative, and then make a donation to a charity in her name and then send her a card with the information.  No need to disclose the amount of $$.

Maybe it would let her see that she's being greedy?  Probably not, but at least you'd be doing a good deed in her name.

Answer 21

I wouldn't go. That's just ridiculous.