Wedding guests (husband & wife) only were invited but they 'added' their 8 yr old son to the RSVP Card!!!?

Question

I mailed out the invitations and I recently received 1 couples RSVP card back. I addressed the outer envelope as "Mr. & Mrs.___" & the inner envelope as "Paul & Sally" only with NO son name. The RSVP card came back with 3 Guests coming! How rude! Now what???

Answer 1

Are Mr. & Mrs. ________ traveling a great distance to attend your wedding?  If so, it's understandable that they will want to bring their son along.  It's possible that they may be unable to attend if they have to leave him at home.

If that's the case, you should make an exception and inform the caterer that there will be a child in attendance so that the little guy can have some chicken nuggets or something.

However, if Mr. & Mrs. ________ live nearby, you should just let them know (politely!) that this is an adults-only affair and that you'd be HAPPY to pay for a sitter.

It's becoming somewhat common now for bridal couples to organize a party or other event for the children of their wedding guests.  It can be a room at a hotel where your out-of-towners are staying or wherever your reception is held, or you could arrange an activity for the kids.  Just hire a couple of teenagers (and pay them well!) to oversee the little ones while their parents are attending your reception.

It's certainly within your rights to insist on an adults-only reception (I personally would NEVER allow rugrats to get within a mile of mine!), but be considerate of your guests' circumstances.  

Answer 2

You might want to have someone that knows them (best bet your Mom, his Mom, or your MOH) call them to inquire on the situation.  Some people don't understand that the amount of people invited are the ONLY ones that are invited.

It's your Wedding, you can invite whomever you like.

Children are always a touchy subject.  If you are having a child-free wedding, then the person calling "Paul and Sally" won't have much trouble in the call.  Explain that you had a limited amount of space, and that you guys really wanted to invite so many more people, but couldn't find the space.  Mentioning also that the affair is in the evening, and adults were the only ones invited (outside of perhaps a flower girl or a ring bearer) would also help.

If it's not a child-free Wedding, then you'll have a harder time explaining the situation.  But again, I would advise that you have SOMEONE ELSE make the call for you.  Every ettiquite book I've read on the subject says the same thing.

The real issue may be babysitting.  We had an adult-only reception, but aquired babysitting and a house near the reception for the babysitting to take place.  It was mostly for members of the bridal party, because we were on such a tight budget.  Got them party favors, cake, pizza, movies, video games, and two sitters.  Everyone was happy.

The person that threw a fit?  The groom's sister... who has always been a bit of a pest and inconsiderate.  We told them about the adult only reception in November.  They said they weren't even sure if they could attend... because (get this) they were attending a NASCAR event that weekend.  Oy.

So fast forward to the day they get the invitation - she threw a fit.  Calls up my now-husband's Mother to ream her out... because she didn't remember the conversation, she got upset too.  But when we spoke with her, she remembered the conversation.  The sister didn't get upset because of the adult reception - she was looking for an out to not attend, and explain it to the Mother of the Groom.

No worries... she's happy going to NASCAR, let her go.

And if your "Paul and Sally" are the understanding sort, they'll be gracious and it will all work out.  If not... well... you know more about them now.  

Good luck!

Answer 3

that is rude and i would explain..

we're only inviting kids in the immediate family and we dont want other friends and family to feel bad if your child came.

or

We're not inviting children to the reception. We wouldnt want to create an uncomfortable situation with other parents attending if your child came while they had to arrange for a sitter.

The Nerve of some peoplel!!!!!

Answer 4

While I personally don't agree with not inviting children to the wedding, I understand that some people see it differently.

What you have to do now is to call the couple and say, I noticed that you put three guests.  However, the wedding is adults only so I wanted to make sure that you understood that.  At this point, they will have to decide whether they want to attend your wedding without their child and they will inform you of their decision.

Answer 5

While not inviting children is rude only by opinion, as others don't feel that way, to add another guest's name to an RSVP card when clearly that person was not invited IS rude according to proper etiquette....they should have called you first to okay it, not take it apon themselves to make a change in the guest list. So....

...either make arrangements for the third guest or call them up and say that you are sorry but there is no room for the child and you understand if they choose not to attend because of it, but you cannot afford the third plate/fire codes & the establishment will only allow so many people. Good luck.

Answer 6

Call and politely let them know that there must have been a misunderstanding and that their son is not invited. Be prepared that they may not be able to make it if that is the case.

Answer 7

Call them, and say you wish you could invite all the kids you know, but you are trying to keep it to a minimum. Or you could say its an adult-only event.  

Answer 8

How rude of you to not invite their entire family!

If you meant to only invite adults, you should have mentioned that at some point, not just assume they would understand if you only put their names on the envelope.

They probably assumed you meant to invite him as well but wanted to make sure you had an accurate count for the reception and this is why they included him on the RSVP card.

Answer 9

If you are not having children attend the reception, have the relatives of that couple (his parents or yours, or you or your fiance if you are comfortable) call and tell them that they are so sorry but this is an adults only affair.  If you invited other children, though, it could get kind of difficult to tell them that other people were allowed to bring children, but not them.    Are they from out of town?  Did they think they wouldn't need to leave their child behind?  Then you could assure them that babysitting will be provided somewhere for their son.  

Answer 10

I really think you are better served by remaining mute about this issue.  The price of one child attending is the price of retaining your friendship with the couple.  I see the "no children" policy as a questionable strategy in human relations; but, your focus is on your wedding.  Sometimes, we overlook the feelings of others in our excitement about a project.  I think you should know that the couple will not come if you enforce this "no children" policy.  It is not a "good guy, bad guy" issue.  You should expect other invitees will not attend due to the policy.  So, I do not think I would fracture a friendship over this issue.  Please do not try to win the argument.  

Answer 11

Now you speak with the caterers and ask them to have a place set for a kid.  The cost for this meal will be a lot cheaper then the adult meals.  It would appear ruder for you to disinvite  this kid sorry.  So guess if you want to retain this friendship you better allow child to come.  If he is the only kid coming though you might want to mention to his parents that there will be no other kids there for him to associate with so he might be better off and have more fun staying aways with a baby sitter.  Best of luck.

Answer 12

We can all admit - weddings are not the best place for kids as they can bring lots of interruption during what you HOPE to be a beautiful ceremony if they are not well behaved (especially if their parents don't give a c**p and leave the leash far from hands reach).

If you're determined to have a kid free wedding, then kindly explain to the wedding guests that it will be an adults only gathering and that's the reason why you only addressed the invitation to them. If they take offense to the fact that their son isn't invited, that's their fault, not yours. If you give in and accept the extra guest, start getting with the caterer and go over child friendly meals. Re-arrange seating arrangements as well. Also, you might want to tell them that their son is the only child attending...so I agree - it would be best if he stayed with a sitter.

It's your wedding, and therefore, it is your choice to make it child free.

Answer 13

they aren't going to leave their kid at home! you think they are being immature for inviting someone. but we all think your immature for bit(hing about a couple bring their child.

Answer 14

First, I don't think it's rude at all that you are inviting adults only - a lot of people do that and it's perfectly acceptable.  It was rude of that guest to assume their child was invited when the name was not on the invite.  You did nothing wrong.  

And yes, they are supposed to just leave the child home - with a sitter hopefully.  It's not your job to figure out what people do with their kids.  It's YOUR wedding - keep telling yourself that.  People will get over it.  

Unfortunately, this could have been avoided by wording the invite to make it clear that it was adults only - but I realize that doesn't help you now.

I suggest finding someone (not you, but maybe your mom/mother in law) to call this couple and kindly explain that it is an adult only wedding and that little Jr. will have to stay home.

When I had my wedding I appointed the parent of whatever family invite list the guests came from - so if it was someone on my side, I asked my mom to call to either confirm if no reply was received, or to say the unfortunate "sorry, so-and-so wasn't invited"  A gentle way to say that a child is not included is to just say "We received your reply and happy that you and your husband/wife will be able to celebrate with us, however we noticed you added Jr.'s name but this is an adult only wedding."  Nice and sweet, but to the point.

This might seem rude, or difficult to do, but think of this:  What if you dismiss it and just let the kid come, and other families who did follow the rule wonder "why was their kid invited and not mine?!"  That would surely cause some hurt feelings and resentment.

Planning a wedding can be the greatest time of your life, as well as the most frustrating!  I suggest getting a Wedding Ettiquite book to help with these difficult situations.

Good luck and Happy Wedding!

Answer 15

To give them the benefit of the doubt, they may have assumed it was OK to bring their son even though your envelope was clear.  Did your invitation specify "adults only"?  Are there any other children going to be there?

In this situation, you did nothing wrong.  Unfortunately, they are probably not going to take this too well.  They did not pay attention to the fact that they were the only ones listed on the envelope, and now you're stuck with the problem.

If you said adults only and/or there will be no other children, give them a call (or have a relative do it).  Tell them you are confused as to the 3 guests as a third person was not expected.  When they say it's for their son, explain there will be no other children there and why.  Tell them you're sorry, but you weren't planning on having any extra people attend, hence just their names on the envelope.  If need be, explain the size of your venue and you cannot have extra people.

As an option, you could try to arrange for a babysitter for them.

Good luck.

Answer 16

It wasn't exactly rude, unless you forgot to spell out that it's an Adult only wedding affair.

There is a way around it, since you're still collecting RSVPs, chances are, there might be people you invited that will probably not attend, thus taking the 8 year old in place of that vacant space, OR you can negotiate with the vendor for about half a price for children's menu. The last thing you want to do is cause an uproar with the invitee.