Wedding is coming fast. Do i have cold feet??

Question

I love my fiance very much. But, here lately i have been feeling like I am spacing myself from him and being totally pissed about something all the time. I hate second guessing everything that I do. I feel that I am walking on eggs all the time and he feels like I never cater to him?? Please help me calm down or something. We start our pre marriage"talks" the 26th of Aug! I just am scared of marriage at times.. My pastor tells me its because i haven't grown up around married people. that marriage is wonderful and yada yada. But, when you tell someone you are getting married it isn't congrats, its oh my god you better make sure its the right one!! I just want to be positive everyday and it is sooo hard to be with all he negative talk about how people change when you get married... Any advise??

Answer 1

Don't listen to anyone who is like "oh when I met my husband perfect Paul, I knew the moment I met him that things were perfect forvever. I never had one ounce of doubt, and you should not either."

That is c**p. We are humans. You are probably overthinking things. Just relax. Don't listen to the naysayers. People have small doubts at times, it's perfectly normal. Some people never question their choices or their existence, but I tend to think those people never really grow emotionally.

I am concerned about the never catering to him thing though, does he think you don't do things to please him?

Answer 2

I know it sounds corny, but there is a specific book called 1001 things to ask before you get married.  It essentially is like self counseling., the two of you sit down together (or separately if it makes you more comfortable) and answer the questions and discuss your answers together.  It gets you to think about the little (and big) things that often aren't talked about prior to making what should be a lifetime commitment. You can buy it on amazon.com, I think borders or barnes and noble might have it too. To address some specifics, catering to your husband is not your responsibility as a wife.  I don't know if you misspoke but that sounds like he has different (and prehistoric i might add...)views on what a wife is to her husband.  I don't want to discredit the pastor either but I have friends(and my own mother) who have horror stories about pre-cana classes and even their marriage ceremony in which the priest had very old fashioned views on marriage(i.e. a woman is now in servitude to her husband etc.) and pushed those on the couple so you may want to seek non-religious counseling if you feel this may be a concern.  I wish you good luck...and it sounds hypocritical but try not to listen to others.  Learn how to listen to yourself, you are the one that has to live in this marriage for the rest of your life.

Answer 3

You have to remember that people LOVE to give opinions about you or everybody else, they love talking, giving suggestions and advices and especially if they feel they have the experience you don´t.

So don´t let their opinions and words get to you. Marriage is a beautiful thing and if people stopped talking about how hard it is versus how great it is in their lives, marriage would start gaining its trust back!

Try cutting people off by talking about something else other than your wedding so you can really enjoy thinking about it!

About you and your fiance, everything will turn out just fine. You are nervous and obviously have doubts about change and how things will be with him, but if you love each other you´ll overcome anything. Once you get married you´ll understand how things work, but right now you´re not, so enjoy your time left as a bride to be and enjoy your wedding preparations and the wedding showers and all the things that you´ve been working on! If you anticipate yourself with what´s going to happen and worry about it too much, you´ll pass the great moments and memories a wedding brings! Believe me, once you celebrate your 5th or more anniversary it´s like...I wish I could go back and get married again!!!

Don´t let your fun be spoiled by people who probably don´t enjoy marriage as much as they should!  

Answer 4

People do not change after marriage.  You seem to be having doubts about getting married, and if that's the case, best postpone it until you feel ready.  At this point you should feel very happy and excited.  It's natural to want to make sure things go right for the wedding, but you don't seem to have those types of concerns.  You should never have to feel you need to cater to your fiance... you're not a maid, you're supposed to be his bride.  Are you sure you want to marry someone who expects you to cater to him the rest of your lives?  Marriage is 50/50 and compromise.  If people are giving you this negative feeling... like making sure it's the right guy and things, they probably sense something.  You need to do some deep soul searching.  Marriage is wonderful, as your pastor says, but only if it's to the right person.  Bring all this up when you go have your marriage talks, write down all your questions, because if you don't talk these things out, you'll be the one who is hurt in the end and having to file for divorce.  Best be sure this is the right man then to have problems after getting married.  It already sounds negative when you said he feels you don't cater to him enough.  That's a big red flag.  

Answer 5

girl , no worries.

i have been engaged since feb. and the wedding is next june.

i feel the same way. well i did. for a looonnnggg time. me and my finacee actually "gave each other time and space" for a while and i realized how my life would be horrible without him.

just take a second, read a couple relationship- help books and love him with all you have!

dont let him go because you do not know what you had until it is gone!

Answer 6

I didn't think twice when i said yes to my husband when he proposed (married in june) But the same thing happened a few months before the wedding, people start exchanging war stories, and giving bad reactions and you start paying attention to others peoples relationships and opinons and i relized i was getting cold feet from it. I decided to block everything out, concentrate on your man and remember that there are couples out there that make it. Have faith, Everything will be fine, I have been married for 2 months now and its amazing. Just remind yourself you are about to marry your companion, which is what some people die trying to do and never finding that. Be happy and thankful, your marrying the man u love!

Answer 7

aw your getting married but no your just getting to be worried things wont go rite so talk to him tell him your scared maybe take tim off and relax with him go on dates like your new love again keep it happy  

26 of august is my birthday :D

Answer 8

Trust in the counseling.  It will tell you if you're doing the right thing.  Don't forget the marriage isn't just the wedding...it's a life long process with ups and downs.  Planning a wedding is stressful and can really prompt a "down".

My husband and I love each other...but we don't like each other all the time.  We have both confessed that at times we've wondered if the other person really wants to be in the relationship.  The answer is of course yes...but we don't always give off that vibe.  Your fiance just might not know that's the attitude he's giving you.

Here's what I did.  This is scary...but it's a telling conversation.  I knew that IF my fiance didn't want to marry me that he would be too scared to say so.  And who wouldn't?  Once you've gone that far you can't really back out.  So I sat him down and I gave him the opportunity to call off the wedding.  I told him that if he didn't want to get married that he could say so now and I would understand.

Of course he was flabbergasted and reassured me that he definitely wanted to marry me.  He asked me what brought this on and I told him that sometimes I get the feeling that he doesn't really want to be with me.  He said sometimes he felt the same way and we both resolved to treat each other better.

It's drastic I know, but after that we both knew we were making the right decision.