Wedding issues with MOH

Question

Ok, my MOH sent me a text message over my cell phone saying she doesn't want to be my MOH, she is pregnant and due in dec but my wedding isn't til early april next year, i asked her about 3 months ago to be my MOH and she was happy to do so, she told me she had even arranged a friend to look after her baby for the day, it has made me very mad at her for doing this as she now wants to be just a guest at my wedding, i just told her back that if she can't be my MOH then i don't want her as a guest as children won't be welcome to my wedding.

So what would anyone here do in my situation?

Just to clear my last question up, she also cheated on her husband with her current boyfriend and is pregnant to him.

I don't believe that children should attend weddings and i told everyone from the start that no kids will be welcome.

And her kid will be 4 months old by the time my wedding comes around.

Answer 1

You are being a horribly mean friend.

She quit rudely- yes.

Just accept it and tell her you are happy to have her at the wedding.

She can still get a sitter for a 4-month old!

You sound like you just want to "get back at her" for quitting on you by uninviting her,talking about her personal problems and her income  behind her back!

Stop acting childish and be nice.  NICE!

Answer 2

I think it was rude for her to tell you the way she did.  Have you tried to talk to her about the situation and what exactly has made her change her mind?  Maybe she has some very good reasons.  Maybe you might find that she deserves a bit of slack.  And isn't it better for her to back out now than to wait until a month or two before the wedding?

BTW, her cheating on her husband has no bearing on being your MOH.  Bringing that up on top of telling her that if she won't be your MOH she can't attend your wedding is quite immature and if I was her I wouldn't want to attend anyway.

Answer 3

I'm sorry to hear this.  I had problems with my MOH too.  It all ended up working out but it was very stressful.  I would ask someone else to be your maid of honor and let the girl know that you have found someone else that is happy to be your MOH.  Tell her that she will still be invited as a guest but she better keep the babysitting arrangments because you will not be having children at your wedding.  Her relationship issues shouldn't affect your wedding plans.  Sounds to me like you are going to need someone that will be more supportive and helpful during this time anyways.  She's got her own issues to deal with.  Pregnancy can be difficult so don't be rude about it, she could have many reasons why she's changed her mind.  Like I said, I would try to find someone else.  Good luck!

Answer 4

It's expensive to be a MoH--that may be part of what's going on here. Pregnancy is expensive, kids are expensive; your friend may be worried about also paying for a dress, shoes, travel, etc. If it's really important to you to have her in the wedding party and you can afford to pay for these things yourself, I would advise you to reach out to her and talk about it directly.

Answer 5

   There's a lot more going on here than this story is telling us.  What does cheating on her husband have to do with being your Maid of Honor.  And nurses are the lowest paid professionals, so don't be saying she has lots of money.  You also need to realize that she will just have come off two months of maternity leave without pay, so money could be the issue.  Maybe it's the added stress.  Maid of Honor's have a lot of responsibility to the bride.  Perhaps she feels like she can't handle that during a pregnancy and subsequent birth.  Her child will be four months old, which means she will have been going without sleep for months.  Maybe she doesn't want to stand up in front of all of those people looking like death warmed over.  Or maybe she is being a good friend and doesn't want to let you down.  And what is this she's good enough to be your maid of honor but when she ticks you off you don't even want her at your wedding?  You already said she has a sitter for the day, so it's not like she was planning on bringing the baby.  Her hormones are going wild and she is stressing about the impending birth, so she probably doesn't need a friend bailing on her right now.

Answer 6

First of all, try not to stress over this (also try not to stress over stupid answers - people don't realise you're in a different country. I'm in Oz too!)

Has she given you a reason why she doesn't want to be your MOH anymore? I understand your disappointment, I actually have had the opposite. I've had to revoke one of my BM's for trying to control my wedding, but if my MOH decided she no longer wanted to be my MOH, I would be pretty disappointed.

Personally I would try speaking with her to try and find out her reasons. If money is the issue, then perhaps you could see if you're able to pay her way? (if it really means that much to you). Whatever her reasons, there may be a solution.

Otherwise, if she simply doesn't want the drama of being a MOH (it is a full time job for a few weeks before big day, and so is having a newborn!) and just wants to just be a guest, let her be a guest, and just make sure she knows that her baby is not invited.

Good luck with it all :)

Answer 7

I understand not wanting kids at the wedding if she knows this then why is she throwing a fit sounds like she's not a good wife nor a good friend find a better MOH

Answer 8

Maybe you should ask her about the reasons why she doesn't want to be your MOH- it could be because she doesn't feel that she'd have enough time to do all of the MOH tasks with a new baby.

I'd still invite her as a guest and politely ask her if she can still use that friend as a babysitter as the wedding is an adult-only event.

Answer 9

A few months ago, you didn't want her to be you MOH.  Why is that a problem now?  You still have plenty of time to find someone else.  

Answer 10

ahhh firstly its very rude of her that she told you in a text message and didn't have the guts to tell you in person or in a phone call.

and secondly; do you really want a lady in that situation, obviously messed up herself to be standing beside you on your wedding day and to be handling a few very important responsibilities?

i'm sure you will have a better replacement; a sister, soon to be sister-in-law, good friend from work or school, a cousin, etc. i'm sure you will find someone to fill her spot. just think of someone you can trust and will not give up on responsibilities.

as for kids not being at the wedding, no drama, its your wedding, and a crying baby in the middle of your vows isn't really romantic.

good luck and all the best.

Answer 11

Just tell her you've decided you don't want her to be your MOH and leave it at that.  If you don't want her to come to your wedding don't give here an invitation.  Simple really!

Answer 12

Your Matron of Honour is meant to be the woman to whom you are closest. If my MOH (my closest friend of 33 years) wanted to bring a camel to my wedding, never mind her own new baby, I would have agreed in order to not hurt her. You are unworthy of her friendship, and she has realised that and bowed out of your wedding. I would have done the same.