Wedding present question: which couple should get a pricier gift?

Question

1. Niece #1 and her fiance are in medical school. Because of their massive student loans, they can't afford a wedding. They elope, so no one in the family attends a wedding. The newlyweds move into in a small, cheap apartment near the university furnished with hand-me-downs from their parents.

2. Niece #2 is a corporate executive, and she marries a billionaire. They invite you, the extended family, and 1,000 of their friends and business associates to a wedding that costs them at least $200 per plate. The bride and groom each own a fully furnished home.

3. Neither - you get them a gift of the same dollar amount.

The genesis of this question is a trend I've observed in the Weddings forum. Brides who are planning to elope have asked whether they can create a registry. There seems to be a groundswell of support for the notion that couples who elope or have very small weddings don't EVER deserve gifts because they snubbed their families by not throwing an event. There is also a growing faction that seems to believe that a guest is obligated to give a gift of sufficient value to cover the cost of their reception dinner. What do you think of all this?

Answer 1

my pick would be #3 as big pricey weddings are not for everyone - i would prefer a very small intimate affair and for the bride/groom to do something good with their savings, that is pay bills, save for home, do something good for the world

Answer 2

Ideally, both should receive the same but to be honest, how close I was to each of the nieces would have some influence on what I gave them.  If I hardly knew or saw one niece, but was very close to the other, I suspect I would be more generous to the latter.  Their own financial circumstances would not have a bearing on the matter and certainly the cost of the meal or whether there was even a reception, would not come into it at all.

Answer 3

3! I think if you are poor it should not prevent you from getting gifts. I would say though that they can have a real wedding later when they have more money.

Answer 4

No Wedding, no gift. It's as simple as that.  

Answer 5

It doesn't matter who has more money to spend on their wedding maybe the ones who eloped didn't want people to have to make a big deal just because they didn't have much.  anyway you should always give something to each of them that you believe has the same value even if the price is different.

             J J

Answer 6

I would get them both a gift card of the same amount. Does have to be big either, $25.00 -$50.00, what ever you could afford.

More than likely the ones that eloped wanted to keep it all simple and make it easy on everyone. They will appreciate the gift card more than you will ever know.

The one that went all out on the wedding will more than likely not appreciate the gift card. After all the plates were $200.00 each. These are the types of folks that don't usually enjoy the simple things in life.

If I was ever to get married again, it would either be a small wedding in a park or I would elope like I did the first time. I also think that both should receive a gift, even if it is just a card with a gift card inside it or even cash money inside the card. I don't care for the big elaborate weddings at all. I like the simple things in life myself.

Answer 7

I would give them the same amount.  Some ppl focus way too much on money.

Answer 8

I have two nieces that got married 2 months apart.

One is doing quite well & one struggles a little.

Regardless, they got equal monetary gifts.  It's only fair.  

Answer 9

I think each niece should get a wedding gift of the same dollar value.  I would give something practical to niece #1 and something sentimental to niece #2.  Practical gifts are easy, they can be anything from towels to a Wal-Mart gift certificate.  By something sentimental I was thinking of a family heirloom or maybe a nicely framed portrait of her great-grandparents.  Both young women deserve a wedding gift.  Don't spend more than you can afford.

Answer 10

None of the above,,, you give gifts according to your check-book and preferences..

Answer 11

If I receive a wedding invitation or a wedding announcement, I treat them the same.  I have a strict spending limit, but I try to choose gifts that are appropriate for each couple. For example, for the med school couple, I would probably give them a check or a gift certificate. And for the corp. executives, I would give them something off of their registry that was within my price range.  

Answer 12

you give them the same gift..../

Answer 13

I don't believe in big fancy weddings, it's a very big waste of money  which could be used for something else  like furniture Etc.  I don't know where you live but here no one feels snubbed because of an elopement or small wedding.  We just go ahead and get up a reception for them, everyone brings a dish and some brings gifts ( gifts, money etc are not necessary  we do "pass the hat" ) so there's plenty of food ( which doesn't cost the couple anything )  someone plays music or  a band might even appear and we dance and have a grand old time.    I prefer this way even though I suppose it's old fashioned  but it's great!   Sooo couple #1 should get  a bigger gift , whatever you can afford, as they can really use  whatever they get and It will be  greatly  appreciated.

Answer 14

There were two weddings recently we weren't able to attend. Both on the same side of the family. We did what WE could, regardless of their financial situations. Sent each couple a store gift card...the value was the same for each.

The style and cost of a wedding shouldn't have any bearing on how expensive a gift is. If I'm expected to bring a gift valued the price of my meal...forget it! It's not about swap-offs, or at least it shouldn't be.

Answer 15

Being a guy, it's c**p. If I got invited to an expensive elaborate wedding, I'd give a $50 gift card to a nice restaurant.

If some friends of mine elope, they are not expecting anything.  

Answer 16

I would do what is in my heart to do. I don't suppose I could help the better off, I'd just be wasting money. The couple struggling and trying to put a life together could better use any support I could offer whether it was called a gift or a gesture. I certainly wouldn't want to try to impress anyone or worry about what someone might think of my actions.