Wedding question--bride and groom as well as guest

Question

so, my friend has been dating this guy for about 10 months, but they were not exclusive, but they did see each other every weekedn and 1x a weekeday for pretty much 10 months, they are NOW exculsive, as of 1 week ago.

problem: the boyfriend was invited to a wedding, but without a guest, so the girlfriend is upset. do you think the boyfriend should mention that he's has a girlfriend now? do you think it was bad that he did not mention that he was seeing someone before? is it in poor taste to call the host (bride and groom) and ask that his girlfriend be invited? what would YOU do?

i believe the wedding is in august, but i dont have the date

Answer 1

If the boyfriend doesnt know anybody else at the wedding besides the bride and groom then I would call and ask if it would be alright to bring someone along. But dont get too upset if they say no, as they've been planning their wedding based on a set amount of people

If the boyfriend does know people that he can mingle and have fun with then I dont see a point in the g/f coming especially since the wedding is this month and the bride and groom may not be able to accomodate her. and the g/f should understand that she wasnt invited because the couple didnt really know about her

Answer 2

It's not his fault, most people inviting guests for weddings invite the person they know, and if they aren't married will allot them a "guest". As for telling them, I'm not sure it will matter because if they didn't allow for a "guest" from the beginning, they're most likely trying to keep the list small.

Answer 3

Well a general rule for brining a guest is if someone is in a serious relationship (ie. living together, engeged or married) they should be able to bring a date.  A new gf is not automatically invited.

He can call and ask, it cant hurt.  It all dpeneds on thier head count and budget I suppose.

Answer 4

Why is it so important that the girlfriend go?  I'll tell you something from my perspective.  I NEVER invite girlfriends or boyfriends to formal family functions where a lot of money is being spent.  Boyfriends and girlfriends come and go.  h**l, by the time the wedding rolls around, they might have already broken up.  Being his official girlfriend for one week does NOT give her the right to be upset over not going to a wedding.  When they are  together a long time or engaged, THEN she has the right to be upset.  

Plus, weddings are boring.

Answer 5

The wedding invitation went out before they were an exclusive couple and perhaps they didn't socialize as a couple with the bride and groom, so they were unaware of her importance to their friend.  I would decide what to do based on my relationship with the couple and their style of hospitality.  

If the couple knew that he was seeing someone casually, had met her previously and got along well, then he could mention that he has a serious girlfriend now and would like to bring her.  However, if the couple has not met her previously and is trying to keep their guest list to a minimum, then he probably shouldn't say a thing.  It's technically in bad taste to call the host and ask them to invite another person.

As a bride, I want to include the significant others of our guests, but I don't really want a ton of strangers at our wedding.  I have cousins with somewhat serious girlfriends, but they (the cousins) have decided that they don't want to bring their girlfriends to a family wedding because it isn't the right time in the relationship to bring them to a family function.  It's not that they don't care about their girlfriends, but they don't want the gals to get the wrong idea.  My cousins are not ready for marriage and don't want their girlfriends to think that this is the next step towards marriage for them.

This may sound odd, but my fiance and many other male friends of mine preferred to attend weddings alone until they had formally introduced their girlfriends to their friends and families in more casual settings.  They wouldn't make the first introduction at a wedding reception because they had gotten into trouble with that practice in the past.  My fiance actually stopped seeing a gal because he took her to a friend's wedding within a couple weeks of dating her and she wouldn't stop talking about getting married.  They were in their mid 20s and the gal was on the fast track to getting married, while my fiance wasn't.

I don't think your friend should get too upset if her boyfriend doesn't feel right about contacting the couple at this point.  It's still fairly early in their relationship and he may not be ready to introduce her to his friends at this wedding.  Although she should be meeting his friends in other settings over the course of the next few weeks, so perhaps she'll get the opportunity to meet the couple at another event and they will invite her directly.

Best wishes!!!!!!!

Answer 6

Just because someone has a girlfriend doesn't mean he's entitled to bring her to weddings or other events if she's not invited.

His girlfriend sounds immature if she's upset over this and yes, it would be in poor taste to phone and ask to bring a guest who was not invited.

Answer 7

I am not trying to say this to be rude, but the Bride and Groom for whatever reason sent the invitation as is (without "and guest") added for a reason. Its possible that they can only afford so many people, or they have a limit on how many people the hall may hold. She really shouldnt be upset. That is being rather childish, i think...

Answer 8

I didn't put "and guest" on my invitations because my single friends have complained that it makes them think they have to find a date to come to a wedding.

I'd simply ask the bride/groom if it would be ok to bring a guest.  I wouldn't have cared, but I was doing a pretty simple wedding.  None of us here can guess what they would think.

Answer 9

Him having or not having a GF may have nothing to do with why he was invited without a guest.  I have been to friends weddings before where all the friends were invited no guests - allowed them to invite everyone.

Answer 10

Nope...Only he may go.  Hopefully, she doesn't get upset.  When she becomes a bride, she'll understand wanting to save $15+ by having one less uninvited guest.

Answer 11

It isn't rude for the boyfriend to ask whoever sent the invitation (which could be someone other than the bride/groom) if he is allowed to bring one guest. However, it is up to the discretion of the bride and groom who ultimately goes to the wedding, as it is their big wedding day. If they were unaware of the situation, hopefully they will be delighted to meet his girlfriend. Some people say two people in a serious, commited relationship should be allowed to attend together just the same as married couples or engaged couples. Sometimes, this isn't the case. It's best if the boyfriend politely asks if he can bring a guest. If not, he doesn't have to go without his g/f and they can send a nice gift along and be the better people :-)

Answer 12

We can't imagine what sort of wedding costs only $15 per person.  Ours cost almost $300 per person!  Please consider the entire cost of the event when you are thinking about asking this question, and remember that it is THEIR day of celebration - not yours!

If you do end up taking her with you, you should be prepared to give a cash gift that will at least cover the expense.

Answer 13

They don't know her and didn't invite her PERIOD!  Maybe they can't afford extra guests or maybe they don't know that they are dating.  Its not her place to push herself into someone elses wedding day.  They aren't exclusive.

Answer 14

There are really only two options available

1.  Ask the bride and groom.   Depending on the wedding style it may be as easy as just saying yes.  If the wedding is planned down to seating it may be more difficult.

2. Boyfriend goes alone.   Let's face it.  This is not a huge life blow if the girlfriend can not go.  It is one night.  Maybe this would be a good time for girl's night.

Answer 15

All he can do is let them know that they are exclusive now and just ask if she can come too.  If they say no, then hopefully the girl will be understanding.  

The couple may have had a set guest list so they probably have to leave it that way.

Answer 16

let me explain what we did for our wedding.

because we had so much family that we had to consider first, we had to severely limit the number of friends that we invited. and then we had to be extremely selective in terms of who was allowed a guest. we decided that "guests" would be either spouses, fiances, or very significant others (like in a serious relationship for more than a year). i would have loved to have everyone's BFs or GFs there but we weren't ready to sacrifice family members for veritable strangers. it hurt some feelings, no doubt, but everyone understood that our families were large.

so, the BF can call the bride and groom and ask if he may bring a date. there is nothing wrong with that. but he (and his GF) should be prepared for the couple to say "no." it's nothing personal. and it's not like they were married and only HE was invited.

Answer 17

I gotta agree.  Exclusive as of a week is not exclusive.  See for those getting married exclusive has to mean at least a month to even consider being invitied.  Each guest is very expensive.

Has she ever MET the bride and groom?  Do they even know her?  I mean why would you expect to go to a relationship in a couple weeks when at the time the invite was sent, the relationship wasn't even stable enough to be considered "exclusive".

I know I wouldn't have wanted to pay for her and definitely don't want her in pictures.  I wouldn't get any pictures of my good friend without this random chick and then in another 3 weeks when they have decided to not be exclusive anymore, he'll hate that she was in all the pictures.

She wasn't invited b/c she was not in an exclusive relationship with him and doesn't know the bride and groom.  She needs to get over it.  The guy needs to get a backbone and tell her to stop being a drama queen over something that he can't control.  Yeah I think it's in poor taste to call the bride and groom.  Think if everyone who has recently started seeing someone did that.  You could be adding 50 people or more to the guest list.  That is not fair to the bride and groom who are paying for all of that.