Wedding shower rant?

Question

My MIL took me today to show me the place she planned to have our "wedding shower", the same location she told me about a year ago shortly after our engagment. I never ask nor expected any kind of shower, it was something she wanted to do for us (We have otherwise paid for our entire wedding ourselves). I have been there before and its a lovely fruit farm with lots of activities and play room for kids. Only today ( a week before I send out invitations) she shared that she was going to have to ask each person to pay six dollars (50 people are invited) to cover the "head charge". I kept my composure but ask that she not say that to anyone and told her we (fiance and I) would figure something out. I don't want to hurt her feelings but the reality of it is I don't care WHERE we have the shower, I am not asking anyone to PAY to get into it, and I think its a little unfair that I should have to pay that much money for my OWN wedding shower. I know she can not afford this (this charge was in addition to a rental fee for the location). I am going to have my fiance speak with her and try to arrange a different location, asap. I'm just frusterated that shes had this idea for over a year and has never looked into the prices. I'm not looking for an "answer" just fuming as this just happend, and want someone elses input.

Answer 1

It’s total BS that you’re paying for your own shower. You’re technically not even supposed to be involved in the planning and she’s basically making you host it. That’s lame.

I don’t suppose any aunts or bridesmaids have offered to host one?  If that was the case, they could possibly chip in on this and cover it.

Answer 2

wow i am so sorry! that is a really sucky situation for you to be in!  i totally agree with everything you said - of course you don't want to ask the guests to pay, and of course YOU shouldn't have to pay YOURSELF! this whole thing is just ridiculous!!

but you i think you made a wise decision to have your fiance talk to his mom about having it somewhere else.

good luck with everything!!  

Answer 3

I'm sorry to hear this.  It sounds like a beautiful place.  I feel your frustration and I hope that you get this worked out.  

Good luck and try to relax.  Congratulations!

Answer 4

I'm sorry for your situation.  Your mother in law doesn't seem to understand basic etiquette and hosting skills and I can understand your frustration.  You don't want your family or your friends believing you share the same ideas/beliefs about the situation.  She's also not "showering the bride" by making her worry about how her own shower is going to be paid for.  

I've always been raised to believe if you host someone, you host someone to the fullest and don't expect them to pay for anything.    I'm sorry for your dilemma and I understand your position.  I would be terribly embarrassed about this too.   I'd also be disappointed that I wasn't going to have a nice shower.  I think every bride deserves a nice shower.  Your mother in law has chosen to burden you with something that's suppose to bring you joy.

I know you didn't want any advice, but this is Yahoo Answers.  So, I would talk to your Fi about this and see if you can pay the "head count"  Also, have you thought about asking your mother or a member of your bridal party.  I know it's rude to request a shower, but I feel this is a different situation.  I know my mother would be terribly embarrassed if my FMIL tried charging our relatives for my shower.   So, I know she would probably step in and help to cover costs.  Perhaps a trusted bridal party member, family member or your mother will be more than understand and more than willing to help alleviate the situation.

Good Luck!!!  I'd feel anxious about a situation like this too.

Answer 5

If your MIL wants to host a wedding shower for you, then she the host will need to pay for it herself.  If she's not willing to do that, then your fiance and you as a united front should tell her to cancel it.  As you know, it would be a huge etiquette faux pas to ask anyone to pay to get in.  I'm sure that as someone who, unlike your MIL knows what good etiquette is, it would be hugely embarrassing for you to have a shower where there was a cover charge.  Save yourself the embarrassment by insisting she cancel it.

Answer 6

Hi.  I am so sorry.  Yes, you have a right to feel EXTREMELY frustrated.  Why has she not looked into different options of venues?  Granted, it may be beautiful, but it sounds like it comes with a cost.  I live in a small town, and even where I live we have many options.  Most people have a shower at someone's home (but not with 50 people!)

Anyway, yes, have your fiance speak with her.  There is no reason you should have to pay $300 for your own shower if there are other alternate venues.  

I would be extremely frustrated myself.  The only "silver lining," if you will, is that you caught this little etiquette faux pas before it happened.  Usually the bride is not involved in the shower planning at all.  So....had it been that way (her doing everything including the invites), you may have not known about this $6 charge until the day of the shower or afterwards.

Sorry, I don't know if this helps at all....but I DO feel for you.  Anyway, I hope you have a nice shower....WHEREVER it is!