Wedding timing etiquette?

Question

Here's the sitch:

About two weeks after my fiance and I got engaged, set a date and put down vendor deposits, my fiance's groomsmen, cousin, and longtime best friend, decided to tell my fiance that he was going to propose the weekend of our engagement party, announce it at the party, and then plan a wedding to his horrible girlfriend (that everyone hates) a month before us. This is all out of nowhere, of course, and we were completely blind-sighted. The whole family is pretty ticked at him (except for the dear 'ol grandparents who say "get married whenever you want!"). Even his own mother is mad. When we politely explained to this guy that it's kind of looked down upon to upstage another couple that already set their date and announced everything, he agreed, and we found out that the girlfriend was pushing to get married so they could live together and "move on with their lives" and apparently the ONLY time she will get married is the month before us. We told him to talk to her and reason, explain that there's no way they could afford their own wedding, and attend ours, to which she responded, "MY side of the family isn't affected by their wedding, so it doesn't matter." She's just a horrible person who wants to get married and move out of her parent's house, and since she wears the pants, the groomsmen is, ofc ourse, suddenly agreeing with her again, saying, "I've never heard of this etiquette where we should wait until after you guys get married."

I know how we all feel, and that won't change. But I was just wondering what others think of this, and if they feel we shouldn't be upset by it, why? Besides "This groomsmen needs to grow a pair and stand up to her" what are your comments?

Answer 1

It was rude of him to upstage you, however a month apart is plenty of time. We're having two within a month or less next summer. Make sure that people know far enough in advance that they can budget for both of them.  

Answer 2

It wasn't good of him to announce it at your party but you can't expect them to put off their wedding for 3 months because of yours.  It is people's decision to not go to both.  I think it is likely my brother and sister will both get married the same summer as me and although I can see how it would be difficult for people to attend all, I wouldn't ask them to put off starting their lives together.

Answer 3

Since it's not a sibling, it's okay and really you shouldn't be upset....  for siblings it's good to have weddings two or three months apart.

How about you just plan your wedding, and enjoy hearing about hers!

Answer 4

If the people getting married aren't related to you it shouldn't really be too big of a deal. If they are just "friends" maybe they aren't such good friends, and you shouldn't invite them.

Answer 5

You don't own part of the calendar when you schedule your wedding.  

I agree with the grandparents.  The cousin and his girlfriend can get married whenever they want.  Maybe some people won't be able to attend their wedding because the guests have already arranged to travel to yours, but that's the cousin's problem.  

Answer 6

To know more about    

weddingetiquette          

please feel free to visit http://learnmoreon.com/weddingetiquette/

Answer 7

I understand your frustration - between the time my now husband and I set our date and that date came 5 of our friends got engaged and married - one two weeks before us and I was asked to stand up in it.

All in all, if that is when she wants to get married, let her,  however, under NO circumstance should any of thier announcements come duringanything that is related to your wedding.  That is absolutly tacky and just outright rude.

Hopefully your family is nearby and the traveling won't be taxing.  I could see where that would be a problem.  In 2005 we had 3 out of state weddings within a 5 month period - that was a costly year, but we went to each of them.  

Best wishes and luck.  My advice though coming from someone who had several other weddings trying to show me up - just do things the way you want them and the day will turn out perfectly and no one will be able to show you up one up you.

I just saw that you are having a destination wedding and I'm glad your family is going to still come to your wedding!!  It is rude and terrible, but all you can do is accept it with grace sometimes and things usually have a way of working themselves out.