Weight issue with husband please help?

Question

Im young and married. 5"7 and atm 11st 5, Which i know is my heaviest ever! anyway my husband doesnt literally call me fat but instead it feels like a mental or emotional game, he tells me i looked like a model, last year and what happened and today i asked him how if i could wear the top i was wearing for holiday and in the mirror i cud see he was like sizing me up like looking under my arms where the podgy bits are, then he said yeah yeah its ok, but then he asked me to get on the scales, i said no then he said stand on them, i think uv lost weight, which i know is a lie atm then i said no iv put weight on and he said yes you have, a lot. then when i cry he just get angry becos he doesnt understand why im sensitive to that. Its hurting my confidence and i just want to dress in baggy clothes all the time and stay inside. Becos he hasnt literally called me fat when i cry i cant explain to him why its upsetting and it all feels like a mental or emotional game. What can i do? please help thankyou x

Answer 1

just lose the weight.

The guy married a model sized woman and if you gained so much weight it seemed that you tied the knot and don't need to care anymore.  You would react the same if suddently you had an obease guy in your bed. How do you expect him to get a ***** if you're covering half the bed? love is good and great and supportive yeah, but don't stay like that or you will lose your guy and it won't really be his fault.

He didn't drive you to become fat, objectivly it seems that you're a young woman who tied the knot and stopped pampering herself and eating like a pig.

Lose the weight with exercising and less eating, and don't go for the no-fat stuff nor for rapid diets nor for anything that guarantees you fast fat loss, all those are bullshit.

Answer 2

Rapscallion, you've miscalculated.  A stone is 14 lbs, so at 11st5, she's 159 lbs.  That's perfectly within the healthy range, not anorexic.

As for this wonderful lady's husband, he needs to take a flying leap at a supermodel... what a jerk!

Answer 3

He`s trying to tell you that he wants the old you back. Why have you let yourself go? Is he heavy as well? If not, get that killer body back, and have all men check you out while he`s with you. Esteem booster for you, and a treat for your hubby. Now get off the computer and on to a treadmill! You can do it!!

Answer 4

So what if he didn't say, "Boy, are you fat?" Sorry. He's an abusive a**hole. And you snivel so nicely when he works on you, which makes the sick b***ard feel all powerful and manly. It IS a game, and you're the puck. You et to say if you play or not. I'm betting you'll keep playing. He's got you wearing baggy clothes and crying, so it's unlikely you're going to suddenly become a real person and tell him, "You son-of-a-b***h, I don't know what you think you're doing or what's wrong with you that you're trying this, but I'm just fine as I am, and I'm sure not bad enough to make any real man puke to look at me. So you can shut the h**l up until you figure out what your mama did to you or what else is making you feel bad enough to take it out on me. You're real close to making me want to look at you and spit, never mind being fat, you dope. There are a lot more ways of being ugly than being fat, and you got there a while back."  

Answer 5

This is tough for guys. Weight is something that is hard to address and we don't always handle things the best.  Try to be patient with him on this.   However, the bottom line here is he wants what he married.  Unless you have had 10 kids and or a physical problem that keeps you from exercise, you really shouldn't be gaining a lot of weight.  Do yourself a favor  eat less and move more.  You are in control of you.

I would suggest you have a frank conversation with him.  Tell him you realize you are gaining weight and that you would like help in getting it off.  Ask him to go on walks with you or go to the gym together.  Make it a couple effort.  You need to talk about what is going on in your life that would cause you to eat more.  Then ask for his help in dealing with it.  When he realizes you are concerned about it, he will help.

Answer 6

A person loves you no matter how your body changes.

I've gained a little weight since I've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years. He still thinks I'm s**y and tells me so. If he gained weight I'd feel the same because I love him.

Your husband sounds like a jackass.

Answer 7

ok, lets say it together,, 'i'm fat' now what do we do after that, Stop setting your Husband up to HURT YOUR FEELINGS. you know how you look in that shirt. it's like you want him to say you look fine so you can say, no i dont, so he can say, honey your beautiful. But thats not how that game is being played and your losing at it. You are looking in the same mirror he's looking in adn he's either trying to make light of it so YOU dont take it so seriuos cause he already knows where it's going. OR he's making fun of you. But when you start to cry and he gets mad sounds like he's pissy cause you KEEP SETTING HIM UP. please back away from teh table, put the spoon down and take a walk. If you are at your heaviest and you can say, i'm at the heaviest i've ever been, instead of torturing your poor husband, get up, and do something about it other then eat. Leave your husband alone before you end up fat and alone. The game that your playing is going to leave you in a bad place for no reason because you want someone to baby you and force self esteem down your throat that you should already possess. Were not all meant to be the same size. Embrace who you are and love it and i bet he will to or lose the weight and stop complaining and crying and looking for sympathy. h**l, i'm tal, thin and pretty with no husband. Your fat with one. Your already winning. stop complaining. Only YOU can prevent Forrest fires.. dig??

Answer 8

Tell him it hurts your feelings.  If you want to lose weight then start excersizing more and cut out all bad food.  

Answer 9

Do you want to be healthier?  Being heavy sends you into a downward spiral and your self esteem plummets, too.  You grow larger and more miserable every day because you don't look good in your clothes regardless of what you put on.  You tend to "slob out," and you owe it to yourself and to the man you married to try to look decent--not like a runway model, but reasonably height/weight proportionate.

Your husband isn't going to suddenly find you s**y if you do nothing differently. It doesn't mean that he doesn't love you as a person; it just that it's always better to find the person you love to be s**y, too.  He misses that and has been trying to drop you hints that things are getting out of hand.   He's not going to change because he just  doesn't find heavy women s**y, so for both of your sakes, you should take action.

My husband and I joined a gym together and we've cut back our fat intake considerably.  Because we're in this together, we encourage each other and admire the positive changes we see--and in a few short months, we've seen a lot!  That makes for exciting bedroom scenes and our marriage is more solid than it ever was!

If your husband isn't on board with such a plan, you go and work out.  You will feel 1,000% better about yourself and there are many fringe benefits to being healthier.  Make the time.  Do it for him, for your marriage, but mostly, do it for YOU.

Answer 10

it's emotional abuse.  Block him out, you are still drop dead gorgeous

Answer 11

He seems very insensitive....

I would have a hard time sharing my life with someone so shallow.

Love yourself and believe in YOU.

But most of all - never settle for less than you deserve,

Good luck.

Answer 12

you are not fat.  There are a LOT of women that would kill to be even close to your weight/height.  He obviously is very superficial and has a preconceived idea of what you should look like. Why not try to eat sensible (not starve or binge eat) and work out a couple times a week. If that's not good enough for him, then you are going to have serious problems with this guy in the years to come.  Sounds like he a little controlling over your life. Lay down the law with him or move on to someone who will treat you like you should be treated.  

Answer 13

you poor thing........hi sounds very inconsiderate....... whats the best way to advise u?......well if i tell you to loose weight then i would advise u to do it just for u...not for him. but only if u think u need to loose weight. its the one thing that most gals are very sensitive about, and ur guy knows this well. u sound so depressed, and he is treating u unfairly....adding to your depression.

just sit him down and tell him straigh....tell him how u feel. and if he loves u then he will listen.  chin up hunni :)

Answer 14

He doesn't want to straight out insult you but he DOES want to let you know it's getting out of control.  I don't think he's being mean.  He just doesn't want to sit there quietly while you blow up.  He's letting you know that he notices.  A lot of men are scared that if they don't say anything the woman will let herself go.  

Answer 15

Ok first off, 5"7 and 115 is not heavy.  It's more borderline anorexic, i'd say you need to go to mc donalds and scarf down a bunch of double cheese burgers.  Seriously you should be at about 135lbs to be your ideal weight.  What these models look like is not healthy or normal by any means, and what they did to get there is destroying their bodies.

Unfortunately in todays society, we have stressed far too much on skinney which has made women try to obtain an unrealistic goal that is very unhealthy for them.

Don't try to defend him for his actions, he is calling you fat, he is being very emotionally abusive to you.  

He doesn't seem to understand that your not a guy, and he's expecting a guy response, if he was to tell another guy hey your looking a little heavier  the guy would probably grab his stomach and say yup sure am that little woman is over feeding me again, laugh and go on his way.

You need to talk to him and tell him that you already have enough issues with your body and that what he is doing is making it even worse.  If he really does care about you he needs to stop.  The only response he ever needs to give you and the response he should be giving you to a question like does this top look good is "Yea babe, looks great."  He should never ask you to step on a scale or ask you how much you weigh.  All he ever needs to do is just be happy that he has a very beautiful wife and to be sure he tells her that every day.

If he can't do that, then you really should consider leaving him for your own mental and emotional health.  You already have enough self esteem issues, he doesn't need to be adding to them.  

Once you do leave him, go find one of those little geeks that you used to turn your nose up at and be with him.  He will definitely appreciate who you are and what you look like and make you very aware of it.

*edit*

Seriously i find it unbelievable some of the responses you are getting, have all these women seriously bought in to the idea that the anorexic state that they are existing in is at all healthy and normal and a good thing?  Do they not understand that they are only adding fuel to the fire that is destroying their bodies?  Wow..

Answer 16

You are not fat or overweight at all.  You have a nice height/weight combination.

Be nice to yourself and love yourself, and he will hopefully act likewise.  If he doesn't, I would leave him.  It's a feminine need to feel attractive to your husband.

Answer 17

11st 5??  What does that mean?

Anyway, I can absolutely understand why his behavior is hurting you.  However, look at the situation.  I don't clearly understand how much you weigh -- are you unhealthily obese so that it is a potential danger to your health?  Granted, he is being extremely insensitive and needs to be supportive of you no matter what your weight -- but if you're getting into an unhealthy range maybe it would be best to look into losing some weight?  Not only would it help you live a longer, better life, but it would also restore some of that lost self confidence!

A healthy BMI is between 18.5 and 24.9.  The healthiest known BMI is said to be 22, because people with a BMI of 22 tend to get the least sick.  At 5'7", in order for you to have a BMI of 22, you would need to weigh 140lbs.  I've attached a link to a BMI calculator so you can figure your own BMI and work on getting healthy and happy! :)

Good luck!

http://www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi/bmicalc....

BMI of:

Less than 18.5 = underweight.

18.5.24.9 = Healthy!

25-29.9 = Overweight

30+ = Obese