Well I just came out of the closet as g*y and feel a lot of guilt and shame any advice would help??

Question

See not to be completely dramatic but i am in the military and sooooo this is dangerous for me to even mention this, well i guess ive always known i was g*y but it really got to me this weekend when people kept asking me things like whos your girlfriend, do you think shes hot etc............. so i got really drunk at my friends house and came out to my roommate(my best friend) he said he accepted me and that it was ok,,,, that night i cried(to myself) because i felt so bad about it like, how can i be g*y, why me, what do i tell my parents, my nephews, i want kids, what do i do with my coworker situation, its a lot of things that got to me and alcohol didnt help. It was great to finally be honest to someone to finally let it go. I joined the military to prove my masculinity but now im in a situation where i cant be happy without risking my job. And livelihood. I felt such shame when i said it and anger but i dunno as time goes by im more accpeting of myself. Sorry this is a big run on but i want anyones thoughts.

Answer 1

coming out isn't the last part of actually accepting yourself. it will take sometime, but you will start to feel a lot better about who you are. coming out is like walking into a new world and it is different but not bad, you just are not sure how to act and most everyone feels the way you feel. time will make it better

Answer 2

it seems unfair doesnt it, but jst cuz ur g*y doesnt mean u have to do anything g*y related, u can still choose that atleast. this is a tough one, i have to admit.

Answer 3

Joining the military to prove that you are masculine doesn't says that you are not g*y anymore. The only way I can advise you now is just to admit the fact that you do like guys (I don't want to use the word g*y as I don't really like labeling), do you like girls too? Based on my knowledge different people have different degree towards their sexual orientation.

Like me people are saying that I'm bi-g*y because I'm about 90% g*y and 10% straight which mean there is only 10% chance I will like a girl.

I'm in the similar situation as you, I'm so afraid of how my families members, relatives and friends going to look at me if I were to tell them that I like guys. So far I only came out to my elder brother and I'm glad he is totally fine with me and he still love me. After I told him that I'm g*y I broke into tears and afraid, thinking about the criticism and despise I'm going to face in future. I really don't want to be g*y but still I have to face it.

Eventually I'm going to tell my families but it will need a lot of courage.

Now I'm still in the closet.

I think the best solution I can think for you now is not to think of this issue and just continue to do what you like. Do not let this thing affect you and cause great distress.

If you want to talk you can add me on [e-mail].

Answer 4

First of all, no one has to know your sexual preference; your sexuality is just that. Second, you can still have kids and be g*y. Third, don't be so hard on yourself, take things slow. OK, you already came out to your friend and he said that he accepted you. At least you know he is a friend to keep. Remember: you come out when you are ready!

Answer 5

I know how you feel, everytime i tell someone i'm g*y for some reason i feel like i just told them something they didn't want to know or they'll think less of me.

we must accept that hat we are is not a choice and there are always people who will support us.

it's a very hard thing and in the end you will not be happy until you are tuly honest with youself.

why live a lie and pretend you're something you're not? that would be horrible.

learn to be proud, it will take time but i wish you all the best and i support you with everything.

I think you are so brave by coming out to you're friend, it takes alot and that was so brave of you, you've taken a big step and things will get better.

if you need anything at all, help, advice, or just someone to talk to feel free to email me at [e-mail]

i'd be more then happy to help.

i wish you the best.

Answer 6

I am so sorry you're in this situation. Listen, it's not your fault, okay? It's how you were born and it's a unique part of who you are. I can't speak from experience, but I understand how it must be difficult to keep such a big part of yourself hidden from everyone you love. But please don't be ashamed, you have done nothing wrong.

If the people who are your friends truly care about you, they'll love you for you and your orientation won't make them think any less of you.  

And it's totally okay for you to want kids, and completely possible! Don't ever think that adoption is not an option, because many g*y couples have adopted needing children. Also, some g*y couples choose to have a surrogate mother.

I'm not sure about your job, but I do know that a lot of the government forces are pretty biased. I don't know if it's even legal for them to fire you over your orientation.  

Answer 7

Its okay to be g*y don't be ashamed of it and if people cant except you for who you are then they really aren't your friends as for being in the military there are a lot of g*y people in the military