Well asked my first question and got kicked in the jimmy. Just want to help some kid have a better life?

Question

We really miss our daughter and are not looking for a slave so if you think that please back off!!! The boys just really miss their sistefr and she will be gone for at least 4 years. So back to my question and please don't answer if you don't have kids. Is it hard to bring a new child into your family? Thanks

Answer 1

Don't sweat the trolls on Yahoo.

I think it would be a great idea.

If you have the room in your home and your heart then I say, go for it.

Answer 2

I Believe in the adoption process.  BUT I also believe that it needs to be done for the right reasons.  In your first question I think you summed it up by saying that you might be sounding selfish.  Well you really do sound selfish when you say you want to adopt a child to help you with the kids.  I am a mom too and I would love help, but I would hire someone who made the choice to be there to "help me".  I just dont think that you should adopt a child (young or old) to help you with your responsibilites of being a parent nor do I think you should adopt a child to "fill in the gaps" of a child that has left the nest.  

If your boys really miss their sis and I am sure they do, then set up times for visits.  They will still miss her if you adopt a child for the RIGHT reasons let alone wrong ones.

it is hard to bring a new child into your family, think how hard it is when its done for the absolute wrong reasons!

Sunny:  WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!  I believe that is the ABSOLUTE first time we actually agree on something!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I am shocked that you even admitted it.  You are right ADOPT WITH LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  FINALLY!!!!

Answer 3

I agree with YO MAMMA, if you do adopt, ADOPT WITH LOVE.

Answer 4

Please provide more information.  Is the sister just going away, or did something happen to her?

I think it all depends on how close the family is.  If there will be sibling rivalry issues, then maybe you need to talk to the other kids before making any moves.

Answer 5

Maybe you are having difficulty in getting your thoughts out, or, I am not reading you right.  But, now it sounds as if you want to replace a child, which is still a poor reason to either have another naturally, or adopt.  Give it some thought as to why you really another child before you consider how to have another.

Answer 6

I don't know how some of these yahoos get away with being rude and disrespectful!!  So sorry.

You  follow your heart!!!   There are so many children who deserve the type of home your daughter grew up in....

God bless you!!!!!!

Answer 7

Do you think that a p*****n girl who has been in foster care is just going to merrily come into your life and "replace" you daughter (?), your sons sister? Do you think of your own daughter as being replaceable? Will your sons be able to "bond" with a young woman who will NEED to be dealing with her own loss and grief? Yeah, maybe 10 or 20 years down the road! Do you think that this young woman would not be able to read between the lines any better than those of us reading here? She will be much better able to see exactly what you are EXPECTING from her because of the loss that she has likely already suffered. Your words speak too loudly and clearly about what you are all about; don't do it!

Answer 8

no i don't think it will be hard as long as you go at a gentale pace small steps with her/him children are very adaptable you would be surprised just how much ,just take things at the child's pace u didn't say how old the child is? and let the boy be apart so they will not feel left out but i am sure she will settle in just fine with all the love she /he will receive from u & the boys best of luck :-)

Answer 9

to address some issues here.

Yes, it would be difficult to bring a p*****n into the family.  They already have a history and you can't change that.  

And also, why try to replace your daughter?  This I really don't understand at all.  What would this teach your younger kids?

Answer 10

Many adoption experts suggest not adopting outside of the birth order. (adopting a child older then the other children already in the home) An older child, who has probably had a very rough life so far will need a lot of attention and help in emotional healing. This child will need to be the center of attention for a while, and if caring for your young twins is already causing your family stress, then you are not really in a position to take on this responsibility.

  Also, an older child who is adopted from foster care or an orphanage (if international adoption) will often have emotional 'special needs' and may take quite a while and a lot of effort to feel like a member of your family. You will find that such a child may not slip easily into the role of "instant big sister", and helpful daughter.

I'm not trying to sound harsh, however as an adoptive parent myself, it just doesn't seem like this would be a good situation for your family and especially not the child. Many families go into adopting an older child blindly, only to realize they were not up for the challenge and responsibility, and the child ends up in fostercare again, rejected once more. I'm sure this is the last thing you want.

  If you are looking to have a "big sister figure" for your children, and would like to open your home to a teenager, perhaps you could consider hosting a foreign exchange student. That might be a better option for your family.

Answer 11

Have you thought about doing some mentoring for girls around that age (or boys even) so that you could help out a child and really make a difference without adopting that child into your family? Or you could take your boys to do volunteer work on weekends at places like the Salvation Army or do respite care for foster children. Another idea would be to have your boys help you pick a sponsor child overseas (on in the US!) and they can draw pictures and write him/her letters and know they are helping someone have a better life. There are many ways to help other children have a better life without adopting them. Adopting out of birth order, while sometimes it does work, many times it does not. There is a good chance you would be adding to the stress and work load of running your family instead of relieving it. Not to mention that I agree with everyone else who suggested a baby sitter or au pair to help you with the boys, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt that you didn't mean it how it sounded.