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Was there any way of artificial fertilization in 1989?
I was born in the end of 1989 and throughout my life I had a feeling that I am something excess in this world. Although I was doing good at school and not too bad at other areas, I feel like my perception of different things is different from common, and I am very unhappy with this. Once my mother, who is dead now, told me that it was a wrong thing to give me birth (that's why I appeared to be so badly unusual) and that later she would tell me how I actually appeared to start living. She died without telling me this. I really believe I need to die. But there is a also a thing that when I think about killing myself, I see pictures of total abandonment and I'm afraid this is what is called h**l. I do believe there is an omniscient power. There are assumptions that if you kill yourself, it means you're going against the God's will and thus will have to suffer in the afterlife. So... pls don't think i'm seeking persuasions for me not to seek death. I'm wondering what alternative ways for babies to appear were back in that time (i was born in russia) and what they were. I've found that 1st artificial fert-ion was in 1989 in england but im wondering if it could be kept as a secret and yet done, or what my mother was meaning.
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