Were we wrong to not invite them?

Question

My fiance and I have been engaged for 3 1/2 years and are finally getting married next month. A few months after he proposed we had an engagement party, just an outdoor casual picnic. We hardly talk to some of the friends that attended the engagement party anymore since so much time has gone by and we moved an hour away. We tried to keep the wedding small so we didn't invite those people to the wedding (4 people). Was it wrong not to invite them? I know you're supposed to invite the same people to the wedding but we haven't even seen a few of them since the engagement party.

Answer 1

No dont feel bad. You were right not to invite them. They probably dont care if you got married anyway. If they didnt invite you it shows you that they dont consider you a friend either first.

Answer 2

It wouldn't have hurt to invite them as a gesture. I  doubt they would come anyway. Why would you invite them to an engagement party if you hardly talk to some of the friends that attended the engagement party anymore?

Answer 3

It wouldn't have hurt you to invite them to the wedding. You invited them to your engagement party,to tell them about it!

Answer 4

it's your decision and they can't contradict that, but you have to be prepared on the fact that they might still be asking when the wedding will be or if they knew already that you didn't invite them then you have to face the consequences of your actions. i'm not saying that you did the wrong thing but more of, you guys facing the reality of the action that you believed was right.

Answer 5

Popular misinformation to the contrary, the wedding, and the engagement party, are separate social engagements. Receiving an invitation to *any* party should be thought of as an honour by the guest, not as a ticket to a free ride. Entertaining is not an all-or-nothing activity, and etiquette does NOT place on a host the expectation that having invited someone to anything, once, that they must invite the same person for every future time that they offer hospitality.

Engagement parties are not supposed to be gift-getting occasions or fundraisers, so the guest who attends one is not "paying a fee" that gives them the "right" to future considerations! They are getting -- hospitality -- and I can think of no reason to argue that receiving hospitality once automatically entitles one to receive hospitality again! Relax: your gracious casual picnic forty-odd months ago does not affect your wedding guest-list today.

Answer 6

There is no rule as to who you HAVE to invite - If you don't see them anymore, why would you invite them ?  Let it go.

Answer 7

Well it depends if your on a tight budget or not I guess. I personally feel that people should invite those that are a part of their life now rather then inviting people you used to know years ago. It would be more special to share this with people you love and care about.

What if there was a friend that was really excited about your wedding, and that you may have known only for a few months that you care about and have fun with. Then you couldn't invite them because you had to make room for friends you have nothing to do with anymore.

You should prioritise for those that are a important to you and your fiance

Answer 8

No. It's YOUR wedding. I are allowed to invite or not invite anybody you want.

Answer 9

If you aren't close anymore its fine!  Its about having those who you love there, not just obligations.  

Answer 10

Yes.  This was an opportune moment for a reunion.  Many of us have busy lives, and these once upon a lifetime occassions are just the outlets we need to follow up with old friends.  Plus you invited them to the engagement party, so they were probaly saying, 'oh, we'll meet up with them at the wedding.'  

At my wedding I had friends to come from other states that hadn't seen or spoken with me in 12 years.

Answer 11

Socially and etiquette-wise, it wasn't the best decision. They were at the engagement party and should have received a wedding invite.

Answer 12

There are Know rules, when it comes to you heart,, your wedding, your friends, this is your day make it how ever you want,, the only rule is to smile

Answer 13

I don't think you were wrong.  I believe your wedding should include those people important in your life.  And if I may after 22 years of marriage include people that will stay in your life.

Answer 14

Ask yourself this question... Will I be friends with these people in 5 years? If the answer is "no" then I don't think it was wrong of you not to invite them.

It's your day and if you aren't as close to them as you once were there isn't a problem. A lot can happen to relationships between friends in 3.5 years....