Were you and siblings separated through adoption?

Question

I had 2 brothers and my b/mom was pregnate with one when we were taken away. The 3 of us were adopted together the 1st time. Taken away because of abuse and readopted to seperate familys. Have met one brother once neither of us had a desire to stay in touch( he stayed with 1st adoptive parents) I have often wondered about my oldest brother but have never saught to find him. The one she was preg. with she was able to keep. Has this affected you and have you tried to find them. Why or why not?

Answer 1

I think I may have answered this in another Q by mistake, but here it is again.

When I was 5 I got a sister. 2 years later, while my dad was visiting me in another state, her mom decided to leave and take her with her. She IMMEDIATELY (within weeks), met a guy and decided to marry him and have him adopt her. She claimed she didn't know who my father was. If the court people even looked at previous cases they would see that she filed for child support. Before the year was up he name had been changes and she was long gone.

MY dad contacted people in the family who knew about the adoption and everyone said to leave it alone, 'cause if my dad faught it, my sister would be the one to suffer. So they claim. One day her aunt let it slip what her last name was and when I was 16 I started searching for her. I got her number and talked to her mom for about 3 hours. She told me all about her and that "L" wasn't interested in knowing me. I was devistated and though I'd wait and try again. So at 21 I tried again and got the same thing. A 3 hour phone call and no contact with my sister.

Then when I was 26 (last year) I Googled her and her parents and found police reports and court info on their divorce. And the police reports had their address and it wal ONLY 5 MIN. AWAY. for 10 years.

I shared this info with my dad and told him we should try again. He encouraged me and said that if they were divorced, then "L" likely sided with her father and would be easier to contact, because her mom has been what has kept up apart.

Last April, we met and hit it off real quick. I went to her school for Cinco De Mayo, and was going to party with her, but I had the flu and stayed in, I was a party pooper :-(**....  She was graudating and moving near me for her job. She said that we would go out and I though we would be sisters again. but I haven't heard from her again. I'm pretty sure her mom found out and forbid us to talk. She told my sister that my dad was a druggie who had AIDs and was homeless. None were true SHe also claimed her abused her, and I only got 1 spanking EVER and it was a tiny pat that made me cry for a day. She was just mad that her lies came out.

The hardest part for me (OH I can't believe I'm still crying about this, kinda hard to type) is when I last saw her she was a 2 year old baby and then when I saw her as an adult, I realised just how much time had passed and we will never get it back.

Answer 2

I was adopted some years ago, i think about four or five. When I was six years old, my brother, sister and I were seperated. My older sister went away a while before, to live with her dad. I miss them all terrribly, and will forever love them. I hate our government for what they did. I needed and still need my sisters and my brother. I just found out, a year after i was adopted that my birth father was dead. My life will never be the same.

Answer 3

My mom had a baby boy who was adopted 7 or 8 years before I was born.  It's funny, because all throughout my younger years, even though I was the youngest but had an older sister, I always asked for a brother- the funny part is that I wanted an OLDER brother.  ;o)  So when my mom told me about my (half) brother when I was 13, I was so surprised.  I have not tried to find him, since I don't know a lot about him or the adoption.  I do know his birthday and always think about him on that day- April 5th, 1972.  (He was also born the same year as my husband who was adopted, so that caused us to wonder a bit, and also makes me think that my husband and brother may be going through similar things in life).  My point in sharing this is to say I do understand somewhat when adoptees talk about not knowing their families.  There are so many times throughout my life I could have used a big brother...

Answer 4

I hope you don't mind me answering this since I wasn't PERSONALLY adopted--my mom, however, was.

  

Her biological mother was forced to give her up for adoption in order to keep the little boy she already had.

A couple in Indiana adopted her and raised her as their own-  all the while keeping the details of the ordeal a very tight lipped secret. Quite by accident, she stumbled across the truth at 13 and confronted her parents about it.

The whole story is packed full of lies and secrets and all around drama so I'll spare you the details and suffice to tell you that in 2000, through some mutual family contacts, my mother was finally able to connect the pieces of her past, meeting her 3 brothers and the man who had married my grandmother.

  Thankfully they welcomed her into their family with open arms and were able to show her pictures and home videos of her mother--who unfortunately passed away from a tubal pregnancy at the age of 28.

It was an incredible experience and if you were to ask her, my mom would tell you that it was the best descision of her life to finally reach out for that thread connecting her past to her future.

Not all stories turn out this way--but I thought Id share that with you as an encouragement that those dreams can and do come true.

Answer 5

Well, sort of...I was adopted but my n-parents went on to have my full brother, and after their divorce (and my nmom's remarriage) she had my half sister.  So I never knew my brother and sister until reunion.

My brother didn't know about me until I located my mother; when he found out, he said he always felt like there was something "missing" in his life.  I always kind of knew that my n-parents were in love and I wasn't a product of a one-nighter or something worse, and I always had a feeling like I was a twin.  Well I wasn't a twin but to find out I had a full sibling was kind of like a confirmation of something I somehow sensed.

We haven't been able to spend a lot of time together because of our geographical distance, but now that we have each other it's like a huge gap has been filled in our lives.  I wish I could have been there for them as they were growing up, but I can't dwell on the "coulda been".

Answer 6

My daughters have an older sister that we didn't find out about until after the adoption was finalized.  She was adopted by a family member when she was two and probably don't know my girls exist.  I have encouraged them to attempt to find her.  One says she wants to find her birth parents because she's mad at them, but she never does.  One says she is afraid if she looks for the sister she'll have to deal with other family and she won't do that.

Answer 7

My niece was adopted by my sister after being in foster care for 7 yrs. The foster parents were old, having health issues, and did not feel like they could keep her any longer.  It left her with heartbreak because even though they were old, they were the only family she ever had. They have never made any attempt to contact her.  They may have died since she is 35 yrs old now.

She has never made any attempt to meet her biological mother.  The bio mother was suffering from schizophrenia.

Answer 8

Oh the siblings in my family. So many...

My a-dad is also an n-dad. His daughter was placed when he was 18. They were reunited 7 years ago.

My half sister, through my n-mom, is 18 months younger than I am. We were reunited 9 years ago when I found my mom. Our relationship is amazing, she is my best friend and we talk at least once a day.

My brother, 6 months older through my n-dad, lives about a 45 min drive away. I found him on facebook just this year. We don't have any relationship but I am trying to talk to him more online and establish one.

Another brother I am in contact with online is through my n-dad and is 6 years younger. We met this past summer and talk online once in a while. We share two other brother's who I have not had any contact with, I have seen pictures.

I never thought I would have 11 siblings. I was raised with only one brother so it came as a shock to realize how many I have now. I may not talk with all of them but they are very much in my heart.

With the exception of my sister I am closer with my siblings through adoption than my natural family but that is mostly due to my natural dad keeping me as a dirty little secret for 30 years. If he was more honest about me my relationship with "the brothers" could be very different.

Answer 9

my siblings lost me due to my adoption, and my fathers next child due to adoption too, but he was kept by his mother and adopted by his step father and grew up near them, knowing them, but still not quite a part of them.

I found them ALL when I found my dad. I didn't know I had them to find, nor did I know they were all living about 15 minutes from me.

At first my brother was shocked and really mad at our dad for never telling him about me, it took him about a year to want to know and speak with me. Now we're really close, and i love him alot.