Were you at your parent's deathbed, did they teach you how to die?

Question

"It won't be long now," the nurse informed.

Hospitalized old man, my dad.

Nurses ran from his room awash in tears,

Misdirected anger at death so severe.

"Move my chair by the window" his demand,

I need a change of scenery."

His eyes now long clouded over,

A fog was all he saw, still we moved him

over near window, if just to keep the peace.

He turned his head to light shining through,

Suddenly, dimmed eyes now opened wide.

He sat and stared like that for a minute,

For him a personal eternity.

He broke his glance and lowered head,

Then turned and said to me, "I'm dying,

I know it now, I want to go in my bed."

In silence we made the last transfer,

With much interest I had to ask,

"What did you see, Dad? Will you tell me?"

"There are no words to describe," his reply.

Decades of sternness swept off his face,

He had a certain glow. With hand held up,

Finger extended, a circular motion he made.

"The whole world revolves around God's love,"

said he with soft smile, eyes now closed.

"It's there just for the asking,

It was always there. I see that now.

Somehow you always knew."

He drifted off into deep sleep, but spoke as in a trance.

A heavenly reception line stood for him, as he

Greeted loved ones long gone by name.

He woke one last time for me to ask

did he know of what he dreamed.

"No, but I was surrounded by love," he shared.

So I told him of dreamy mutterings heard

and asked would he be there for me?

As tear fell down one eye he vowed,

"With an armfull of goldenrods."

Answer 1

Gawd Ma, that was so incredibly beautifull and sad at the same time.... took me right back to my dear old dad's face with tears streaming down it as he gasped his last breathes........  made me cry.......;0)

peace & light be with u sweet thang...;0)

Answer 2

This is a very graphic, descriptive poem.

My husband, as he lay dying, said, "I have seen my guardian angel." About an hour later, I asked, "why won't you talk to me?" And he answered, "I have nothing left to say." Those were his last words. A fitting epitaph for a man who was a poet and a lover of words.

Answer 3

I came to this question through a contact.  I think what you said is absolutely beautiful.  My grandmother committed suicide and it's messed with my family for years.  There's never been closure.

Whether a poem, or your experience, I admire you, and feel for your loss.

Answer 4

HI Ma.. That was so deeply touching. I have only seen my grandma die (that's my mother's mother). She laid there so peacefully and i saw her breaths gettin shorter and shorter. But no i never saw my parents die. Would of loved to seen them at that hour of death. The tears came later after the fact. Ma nobody can teach you to die that is something you learn on your own. For me i think dying is easier than living. If we live a good life you will get your rewards in the end. I'd like to die seeing my arms full of yellow roses and daisies.

Answer 5

no, unfortunately my mother passed before i got there, yet i had the opportunity to spend her last day with her!

my father had been hospitalized for quite some time and the call came as i was getting ready for work!

i know both of them are together, embracing each other, one holding my brother, one holding my son.........waiting and watching over all of us left behind!♥

Answer 6

You might not approve of this Ma, but...

I was there to see my mother die, and i am afraid to say she got what she deserved in the end..

And its not something I will ever change my mind about..Thank goodness I have not turned out like her..

Answer 7

Lots of emotion in that one. It's very good to write what you feel. Both my parents died Christmas morning, 5 years a part. I was with my dad and he was comatose. But for just a minute he actually woke up and he was confused who I was for a second, then he suddenly looked me in the face and said "Patsy,( he always called me Patsy) tell Mama I love her and I love you too. He then fell back into a coma.  I went to the restroom and he died  as I was walking back. . My  dad was in pain most of his life from the hurricane of my childhood where his back was severely damaged when trees fell on our home.  He was quiet and never complained about pain. My mom I stayed with for 4 weeks in the hospital and I left for just a few hours to see my kids on Christmas because she had rallied a little the night before.  She died peacefully  while I was gone and her favorite sweet nurse was with her. . She was well enough the night before to tell me clearly that I should remember that she always would love me. ( she told me that as a child always) My first husband had Lou Gehrig's disease and died fairly young. He was my sons father. He could be kind of a hard person in his life,but in his death he was very courageous and brave and faced a terrible death in the best way one could expect of  someone with such an awful disease.

Answer 8

Not for my dad I was 17, but I was for my mum (3 years ago).

Thanks for that, I'm all choked up now.!!

Answer 9

What I have taken from those experiences

is that how you lives defines your death.

That's why I aspire to be a better man.

^^^^ That was deep and I haven't been able to  

"go" that close yet.

Peace.

Answer 10

I should scold you harshly for making me cry especially when I was having such a lovely day.  Those last few lines are very powerful.   However, despite the sorrow I feel for your loss and the memory of the losses I've had, there is hope, light, and peace in this beautiful poem.  Thank you for sharing this incredibly personal experience with us.

Answer 11

my great grandmother did

i hope i can die as well as she did

Answer 12

with a grateful tear I tell you I have been at this scene. I don't know what is on the other side, but this reality is not all there is.  Thank you, Ma.

Answer 13

I was there with my Dad but it wasn't such an easy parting [if ever there is one] but I found this very moving and hope that many much loved people and pets will be there to greet me.

Answer 14

Yes, I was there.

No, I just was there, at her bed side, for weeks - and I saw, what I saw.

And, I did not let go well.    

Answer 15

my father died of cancer..he showed me how to die with dignity...a wonderful kind and caring man...he taught me to never fear death...and to die like a man....i don't...and i will.......love you dad ....seamanab x

Answer 16

Gave me chills! Thank you!

I was able to take care of each of my parents in their own home until each passed. My mom...her sisters, my dad and I were at her bedside singing her favorite hymns as she quietly and peacefully slipped away.

My dad...he woke one night and asked me did I remember mom coming to visit us last night. I asked him to describe what he saw. He said my mom stood right over me (I slept on the floor next to him in case he needed me during the night). Dad said mom took he and I on a plane trip around the world, but that I had to be left off after only a brief time because it wasn't my time to take the entire trip. He said she took him just a bit further and returned him back to his bed. He was pretty upset that I didn't remember my mom coming to us. I assured him that I totally believed him and that I knew mom would return for him soon. I called my brothers and sister home that day, and dad passed 2 days later with us holding his hand and sending him to mom with our love.

I loved my parents and miss them dearly everyday.

Answer 17

No I wasn't in the room or even the house when it happened. That was just lovely ma, purely lovely. LOL

Answer 18

My Dad died ten days before I was born, he never had the chance to teach me anything ; (

My Mom is still alive - thankfully!!!!

Answer 19

Thank you for sharing your experience with me.

The poem isn't very good.

I wished my father's dying experience hadn't been so awful.

He really wasn't ready to die and God yanked him away.

Keep working at it, the sentiments are great, just the structure is too stiff and too loose by turns.

Answer 20

I have never been at a deathbed but I felt like I was a fly on the wall at this one. Amazing descriptive skill Ma. Breathtaking.

Answer 21

My parents are both still alive at 80 years old.

My brother died in his sleep without warning.

I saw my father-in-laws twin sister pass after a brief comma.

So I must say that your words have shown me a side of dieing I had not seen yet.

Thank you.

Answer 22

No, but this is incredibly moving. I nearly cried

Answer 23

I was not at the hospice on the day that my father passed away.

If you must know, he had been moved from the hospital to a residental place only one week before he passed away. We (myself, my brother and my mother) saw him on the day he was admitted. He asked for a few things to make him more comfortable.

My mom, of whom was his ex-wife (his 3rd ex-wife) and of whom was re-marriaed, went to the store to get him the things he needed. And she spent her own money on these things, even though she didn't have a lot. I know this because my younger brother and i were there.

We said goodbye to him, and hugged and kissed him. We prayed with him.  Then we promised to come and see him that weekend.

During that weekend, my younger sister went into cardiac arrest (i can elborate if need be) and had to be admitted into the hospital. Again. She was still a baby (a toddler). We only had one car, it it was a really bad thunderstorm, and my mom's car didn't do well in the rain.

We went to see my younger sister at the hospital and my mom called the residental place to let them know that we could not come that day as planned, and to let my dad know. But she told him not to worry that my sister was fine. (My sister is not his child, but he cared for her none the less.)  That night, into the early hours of the morning, we got a phone call saying that my dad had passed away.

They arranged for the body to be brought to the funeral home from the nursing home so that we could view the body one last time because my Dad's wish was to be creamated.

Only myself, my bother, my mother, my Gran and a friend of my mothers who knew my dad, came to the funeral home. (to view the body)

So no, i was not there during the time my father's spirit left this earth for eternity.

In some ways i wish i had been, or at least that i could've seen him one last time during that week. I know that my younger brother feels the same. We BOTH miss my father a lot some days.

And if it's any consolation, People i went to church with, a few friends and a few people who knew my dad from when they first got married came to his funeral. None of his other family ever showed up (or his "friends")... not while he was in the hospital, and sick and dying, not while he was at the residental place, and certainly not at his funeral.  Only his one brother and the wife sent a sympathy card. (but they called my mom to say they couldn't make the funeral. She had called them to let them know he passed away. I know they told the other family). None of the rest of them gave a freaking c**p and i am so glad now that i never met them.

I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them.

I HATE THEM.

Did i mention that i HATE them?

IF they loved him oh so much (as apparently is being said i've heard) could they please explain to my fathers ashes (of which remain with me to this day) WHY they couldn't be bothered with him while he was sick and dying? OR even pay their respects at his funeral? Or gosh i don't know, maybe splurge 2 bucks for a card and a stamp?

I'm slightly bitter, can you tell? LOL. Probably because i don't like fake people. And i cannot stand con-artists, frauds or liars!!! Only my Dad's Lawyer, Two friends of his, and an Aunt and Uncle that my brother and i never met loved (or respected) my dad enough to care that we had lost our dad. I still have the cards in my possession. Only three people in my dad's family (inlcuding the aunt & uncle that sent a card, have an excuse for not being there)..They i don't hate, the rest of them i could care less about. Ever.

I had, at one point wanted to at least meet them. Now i am glad that i never did because i have nothing but animosity for them and all their superficial fake fake fake attitudes.

That was 13 years ago this year. Still no card, no letter no nothing from them. So,  i could care less about them. Ever.

PS: i watched my dad slowly deteriorate in agony as the cancer ate away at his body. Literally. He lost his sight, his hearing and couldnt talk. Does that count as "watching him die"?  Because i can tell you, it wasn't pretty.

I wonder why i am so angry?

xD

♥

Yes, I'm the real me. And I don't care what people think/thought of my Dad. He was MY Dad. and i loved him. And i have not been the same since he died.  Those losers who never cared for him can just stay the h**l out of my life thank you.

Answer 24

That was beautifully written

It evoked so many responses and No, I was not with my mom when she died, I was sitting with my dad waiting .... She was not supposed to die without me, but she did.

I have sat with many others who were not my mother, father Gran or Gramps,  as they had NO family to sit with them. So I have been very well versed and educated on the matter of death, dying and letting go.

Life is a journey and at the end we are but a memory that will last only as long as those around us cherish it and hold onto it. A very daunting thought.