Were your adoptive parents so old people thought they were your grandparents?

Question

This happened to me in elementary school. At the time I didn't think much of it, because I lacked perspective. I did think EVERYONE else had "better" parents, because they resembled their parents and I really longed for the connection of looking like others and being understood. I felt like a round peg trying to live with squares.

When I met my real parents when I was 21, they were much younger than my aparents. I have no doubt they would have been MUCH easier to relate to growing up. And been similar in age to my peers parents.

It seems to me that if you want to put off adopting children till late in life, you certainly shouldn't take an infant. A great deal of my childhood was spent in the hospital with sickly (old) aparent. Don't young children deserve vital parents?

Answer 1

No, but my husband's dad was 58 and his mother was 38 when he was born, biologically. So?

Answer 2

I think a child deserves parents who love them who are at least somewhat financially stable who will do what it takes to provide for them the best that they can.  Sure, you may have wished that your parents were more active or in better health or closer to your age.  But having parents who are older is better than having parents on crack or who can't feed you.  

I don't see anything wrong with older people who decide to have babies, though I'd never want to do it that way myself. (I'm 23 and my husband and I just had our first daughter two months ago.)  Plus, nobody's guarenteed tomorrow -- no matter how young or old.  A 25 year old can be struck down with a disabling illness just as likely as a 50 year old can be.  Instead of finding fault with their decision, I'd be thanking them and god that they were thoughtful enough to raise a child who wasn't biologically their own.

Answer 3

When I was placed with my parents as a foster child they were 41 and 42. So they were older then most other kid’s parents. However I never had a problem with that, in fact my parents actual looked a bit younger then they actually were.  They never had a problem getting along with a friends parents who were younger then them.  They were always fairly healthy the only times I was ever at the hospital as a child for them was when my dad had to have heart surgery when I was about 8 or 9.  Once in a while someone might confuse them for my grandparents but it was very rare. I just shrug it off, that’s life.

I see no problem with someone having parents who are older even more now that you see people waiting later to even have a biological baby. So if a woman can wait till she is in her late 30’s or even early 40’s to have a baby. I don’t see why people this age shouldn’t adopt. My Aunt was 49 when she and her husband (47 or 48) adopted their son (he’ll be 5 in Feb) I asked her if they felt odd to  be older then most parents with kids that age. They didn’t because actual they see a lot more older parents and have no problem having a friends of all different ages.

Answer 4

Yes, my aparents were old enough to actually be my n-parents' parents.  But nobody ever actually mistook them for my grandparents.

Funny, my n-mom was neither a crack w***e nor did she "not want me".   These tired old stereotypes are almost funny if they weren't so UNORIGINAL.

I suppose next I'll be told I should be grateful I wasn't aborted... *yawn*

Answer 5

Why be so disrespectful to an older couple who only gave you love and everything you needed at a time when others looked away?

Answer 6

It would be the same argument if parents had biological children in their 40s.  Everybody has different circumstances and it is just as likely to have a sickly parent in their 20s.  I'm sorry that you had to go through that, but I know plenty of kids of younger parents who spent their days waiting for dad to get out of jail or Mom to come down from her high or drunken stupor or simply to come home from her 2nd job. My grandmother was the youngest of 8 kids and her Dad died when she was 19 (he was 65).  Her mom died only a few years later.  Being on the tail end of the family has it's own curses and blessings as well.

Answer 7

Yes, everyone thought my adoptive parentes were my grandparents...and guess what? They WERE my grandparents. I didn't know it til I was 9 years old. I had no idea I was adopted. My parents both had kids from 1st marriages and I thought I was the one and only child from their union.

As a kid, I did feel that I missed something by having older parents. My mom didn't like for me to have other kids over and I wasn't allowed to have sleep overs. She said she was too old to deal with a bunch of noisy kids.

I also missed having siblings to grow up with. I was jealous of my friends who had brothers and sisters.

Now as an adult, I do not feel so bad about having had older parents. I got the benefit of all of their years of experience. I also got the benefit of parents who were better of finanacially and able to do more for me.

The one downer to older parents as an adult is that I am 35 and both of my parents have passed away.

However I do have a relationship w/ my birth mother (my birth father passed when I was a baby).  I also now have siblings!! I have two younger sisters I adore.

So I guess I have it pretty good. I do not regret my adoption. I did have a hard time handling it when I was a teenager but alot of that had to do with the way my parents kept it all a secret for so long.

Answer 8

I can see where you are coming from, and I don't think young children should have to go through that, but I think having older parents is fine as long as they aren't realllyy old.    I wish my parents were younger sometimes so I could relate to them more... but I guess I understand the whole financial thing....  I think that everyone has their own experiences so it is hard to generalize. But to your final question I say yes, all children deserve vital parents.

Answer 9

Yeah, but thats mostly because my adoptive parents actually WERE my grandparents.

Answer 10

no my parent had me young and a teacher asked my mum if she were my sister thats much worse.

Answer 11

What about people who have kids later my they face the same thing.  my father was married before my mother his grandson and my bro are the same age.  

I am in my 20's now and my parents are retired when most of my friends parents are still working I have no grand parents left because they passed away. I do fell sad because i have friends in their 30's and 40's who still have grandparents. I also feel sad knowing that if my parents die of old age I will be without parents long before my peers.   I had  a good life over all and yes i wish they were younger but at least i am here and loved

you were loved and cared for by them  who cares what age they were

Answer 12

Nope, but everybody thought my paternal dad was my grandpa.

I think that a lot of times, people wait to have/adopt children and I think in a lot of cases it's a good thing.  My boyfriend wants to have children while he's young but the way i see it, he won't be very financially stable or ready in that point of life to have children.

The good thing about having older parents is that they're more mature, more financially stable, and have already lived their life the way they wanted to (at least we hope).  I don't think it's a bad thing.  I want to wait to have kids too.

Answer 13

i wasn't adopted. my real parents got confused for grandparents because they didn't want to have kids in Stalin's russia, and only had kids when my mom was 50 and my dad 60 or so.

wanna try square peg in a round hole -- try being a poor immigrant in an inner city public school where if you don't buy 100$ sneakers, you get beaten up every day.

your real parents iether couldn't care for you or they didn't really want you. why do you think you'd be better off with them? geez. you should have had MY life with real parents who looked like granparents -- and no money -- and be the only person with your skin color in a NYC public school -- and wear home-made clothes and 2$ sneakers. then you'd have something to complain about.

Answer 14

Yes, my parent's were sometimes mistaken as my grandparents. They were in their 40's when they adopted me, well my dad was 40 and my mom 36 or 37. Did it bother me at times? Yes, a little bit but that was only because they couldn't run and play with me.  I was never embrassed by them for their age. I mean most kids are embrassed by their parents either they be adoptive or biological. I always got a great kick out of my parents looking like grandparents. It was fun to see the confused looks on peoples faces. Would I of liked younger parents when I was younger to play ball with and things? Yes, but then again I wouldn't trade them in for the world. I was well provided for and they did what they could to have fun with me. I always liked the bike rides, carousel rides at the park. They would take me for ice cream and movie. So, they still did lots of things with me. I really can't complain.

Answer 15

I have to agree with splurge_munki...  I mean, older parents are certainly better than parents who are aliens from outer space using you to gestate in your chest before popping out.  I mean, that is what you are asking, right?  Whether you'd be better off with your poverty-stricken, crack-w***e natural mother or your older, richer, upstanding adoptive mother?  Although, looking at your question, I'm having trouble finding the crack reference or the poverty reference.

To answer your question, my adoptive parents weren't that old, so they weren't mistaken for my grandparents.  But I imagine that would have added to my feeling like I didn't fit in.

Answer 16

There are benefits to having older parents just as there are benefits to having younger parents. I can tell you that I am a better mom now at 30 and slightly more financially stable than I was at 17 and broke. I am older, wiser, more patient, more understanding. All I can suggest is that if you look at things with the intent to find fault you will. Parents whether they gave birth to you or adopted you are human, they are going to mess up. They are going to make mistakes that not only you but them will look back and wish it had been done differently. Children deserve to be loved....age, physical health and money are very insignificant when it comes to a child. If these things do not make a birth mom less desirable than why should it make an adopted mom.

Answer 17

My father (birth parents raised me) was ALWAYS mistaken for my grandfather and he isn't even that old, he is only 44 NOW, it never bothered me at all growing up. What does bother me now is that my son is always mistaken as my brother or that I am just a sitter, I personally find that more offensive than someone asking if my father is my grandfather.

Be happy with who you have or be upset but either way they are the parents who raised you.

As a personal opinion I don't think it is completly fair for children to have older parents biological or not.

Answer 18

I agree, that is why I am going to make sure that I start having children by the time I am 30.

Answer 19

Sometimes... I was adopted when my parents were 40 years old.

Answer 20

yes. my mother is 67, my mothers oldest daughter is 49, then her youngest daughter is 48. my oldest nephew is 27 and i'm 29.

Answer 21

My parents are grandparents, but they have friends who are just having their first kids in their 40's. I knew people whose parents looked like their grandparents.

People have kids at all different ages.

What about people who are in a wheelchair and can't run with their kids? OR parents who end up with debiltating diseases when they are young?

Your parents were older than most? SO WHAT? You didn't fit in with your family? LOTS OF PEOPLE FEEL THAT WAY.