WhAm I treating him like a baby? I'm new to this step mom thing?at would you like to ask?

Question

Well my fiance's son and I have been getting along, he's 12yrs old. The relationship between me and his son is still in its early stages, but it's going well so far. I do care for his son and I'm treating him as if he were my own son (although I have no children). My question is,,how do I know if I am "babying" him? Like fathers are more stern and strict with their sons,,,and women tend to be more nurturing...

like would it be bad or babying him if I brought him lunch at school, or the day of the test put an encouraging note in his back pack? Or is that stuff you would usually do with girls (that's what my mom did with me when I was small,,,just wondering if it would work on a 12yr old boy)...

thanks

Answer 1

Well..I am going to disagree with the father being stern and woman being nurturing part.  That's not the case all the time.   Myself and a lot of other women I know are the disciplinarians in the home.  You are not in that place yet since you are not even married to his father.  A 12 year old is almost a teenager and your role in his life is just his father's fiance.  It really shouldn't be much more than that at this point.

Answer 2

Packing him a lunch is just fine--dropping it off if he forgets it is fine, too. Just make sure you don't embarrass him--nothing cutesy in his lunch and if you drop it off, just drop it in the office with his name on it. There's nothing wrong with the putting encouraging words in his backpack or wherever, as long as it's discreet so he can choose whether or not he reads it or shares it with his friends. He'll find a way to let you (or his dad) know if he is feeling babied by you.  

Answer 3

my mom does that with me all the time and I'm a 14 year old girl and so do my friends moms.

Answer 4

I have a 10 year old son and I do all these things for him. I even will drop by with a fast food lunch for him as a treat and we will have lunch together. His friends are jealous because he gets a treat and his Mom cares enough to take time out of her day to spend time with him.

Keep doing the things you are doing. They make him feel special.

Answer 5

I think it's nice. As long as you're not "embarrassing" him (you know how kids that age are), I'm sure he'll appreciate it. My step-son is soo young but I'm looking forward to our relationship. As for lunch at school, ask him if he would be okay with it. If you want to surprise him, get his dad's opinion.

Answer 6

You do what feels natural.

If you are babying him too much, he will let you know.  Children have a way of asserting their independence.

I have no experience with boys myself.  But I do have step-daughters who I treat as my own, in addition to a biological daughter.  

I think you should be as nurturing as you like.  If you go too far, he will still love you for it and no harm will be done.

Answer 7

Ahh, you are sweet. I put little notes in my daughters lunch box or planner all the time. She is 14. I do not think it is a "girl" thing. I think it is a very caring, loving gesture that will surely make him smile.