What's a cheaper way to talk to my plants?

Question

I'm an advocate of this but over the years my garden has grown really big and i can no longer afford to keep hiring people to spend the day talking to my garden. I'm up to 8 people full time now (4 in the day, 4 in the night) to speak with all the plants and the neighbors are starting to complain about the constant murmer of noise comming from our yard. Plus last week, someone thought we were holding a religious ceremony in the backyard and trying to brainwash people into a cult or some nonsense. What should i do?

Answer 1

just water your plants be realisic

people think your werid

Answer 2

Stop playin'!!

Answer 3

Interesting. Does it work?  This may just be the weirdest question I have ever read.  How much do you spend on this did you say? Your neighbors have a point.  They shouldn't have their sleep disturbed by talking all night.  Don't the plants need a break from you once in a while?  

Answer 4

Do you think the plants can tell if it is a real person talking or a recording?  Why not play talk radio among the plants?  Plants love dirt so why not talk dirty to them?  Howard Stern might just be the ticket.