What's a friend to you?

Question

Theirs a woman I know that's been having trouble with love. (Well, her perception of love) and she's been dating two guys at the same time, But one in particular is a musician and he's a real player. He likes to run game on her. He manipulates her to do his bidding and he's so cunning I have to admit. She knows about the other girls and he doesn't care about her other guy. She wants to be with the player guy exclusively because he's well... a player and something about not being obtainable is very attractive. he's exciting, charismatic & free spirited like her. The other guy is a good guy, not perfect by any means and not as cool as the other guy but he is a good man of good character. Blue collar type guy. She keeps him around for security and stability and for balance. He's not stupid at all, he knows he's not the only one. So he steps out of the picture and he tells her this other guy will hurt you so love yourself and be smart. He's her friend and he loves her but won't be 2nd. fiddle. She ignores him, calls him too critical and judgmental and moves on to the player guy. Her best friend gives her advice to keep seeing this guy because he's successful and cool but yet she also knows his character as a womanizer. She pushes her on to do wrong things a lot. What I don't get is they're both very spirital women. They're into yoga and into living good healthy lives. They believe in karma which so ironic. anyways A few months go by and he tell the girl he's getting married to his longtime girlfriend. She is heartbroken but still continues to be with him. She even catered his bachelor party. Everyone is telling her this is bad for her and she's not looking at the big picture. Her best friend tells her the opposite. she's telling her to be happy and do what make her happy. She alienates everyone who tells her this is wrong, even her ex guy. being with this guy fulfills a void in her life and makes her happy but she truly doesn't have him exclusively. only for a moment when he's available.

Is the Best friend right? should she continue to secretly sneak around sleeping with a married man regardless of the consequences just so she is satisfied? Is this the social norm these days to do immoral acts just to be happy?

So, my question is, would you want a friend to tell you the honest truth to help you in a situation, or a friend to agree with you regardless of the moral implications? Do you want your friends to be "yes" men or women?.. or give you constructive criticism and good strong advice?

Sorry it's so long.

Answer 1

a friend in need....is a friend indeed

Answer 2

Wow this is interesting. similar to what I am going through. I will watch this post for the best advice. Since I am going through a somewhat similar situation, i can't give you any advice. I just wanted to let you know that YOU are a really good friend to care so much about your friend that you would ask other people advice for her. What ever decision she makes, whether you agree with it or not, continue to be there for her. FRIENDS! Not to many of us have them.

Answer 3

Some people give really good advice that's never taken or listened to. I usually tell my friends directly and sometimes indirectly what I think, but everyone has their own slant on things. Most people who ask for advice, really only want to be listened to, they seem to have already made up their minds, just need you to listen and confirm it.

This friend of yours is perhaps scared of commitment as a married guy is mostly unattainable, she's safe choosing someone she cannot have fully. For the moment that may be all she wants, that sort of relationship, depends on her age and background. Or she may search her entire life and never find what she is really looking for.

I know lots of friends like that who made bad decisions in relationships and have been alone most of their lives. At those times there was nothing I could tell them to change their perception of what was good for them, they wanted to do what they wanted, emotionally they seemed unable to cope and never really grew past the emotions of their  adolescence.

Answer 4

A friend is someone who eats all your cookies and laughs.