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What's a funny quote?

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What's a funny quote?

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  1. Woman: you sir, are drunk

    Winston Churchill: and you miss, are ugly, but in the morning I'll be sober


  2. "There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics."

           .       .       - Benjamin Disraeli

  3. "Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly go's clear to the bone."

  4. friends are like bras, close to the heart and there to support you!

  5. a quote someone finds funny

  6. "eat my shorts"- bart simpson

  7. "I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada."

    --Britney Spears, on Blender Magazine (April 2004)

    "I'm so smart now. Everyone's always like 'take your top off'. Sorry, NO! They always want to get that money shot. I'm not stupid."

    --Paris Hilton (December 2003)

    "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."

    --Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice.

    "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff."

    --Mariah Carey, pop singer

  8. This isn't from anyone famous but I was reading a message board a while back and some guy was ranting about politics and the decline of our society -- about halfway through it he says, "stupidy breads ignorence."

    Hilarious.

  9. "A recent study has shown that 9 out of 10 Americans believe that 1 out of every 10 Americans will always disagree with the other 9"

  10. Another Winston Churchill

    Woman (to Churchill): If you were my husband, I'd poison your drink!

    WC: If I were YOUR husband, I'd drink it!

  11. "that's what she said"-luke juarez.

    (:

  12. "I order the club sandwich all the time, and I'm not even a member man. I don't know how I get away with it."

    -Mitch Hedberg

  13. Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.

  14. My Fav! "Procrastination is the Art of keeping up with Yesterday"

  15. "Friendship is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel it's true warmth." by: I don't know!

  16. dont squat with your spurs on,, this is one is so true and yet i keep doin it lol,, oh and the other one is sh-it or get off the pot lol

  17. I got a bunch from the movies and TV.  Here are some of my favs:

    "Captain, you are an excellent starship command but as a taxi driver you leave much to be desired."  - Star Trek

    "I just assume to kiss a wookie." - Star Wars  (bonus points if you can say the next line)

    "The way I  see it.   If you are going to build a time machine into a car, might as well do it with some style." - Back to the Future

    "What about the Twinkie?" - Ghostbusters

    "One thing about living in Santa Carla, I never could stomach . . . all the d**n vampires."  -  Lost Boys

  18. life is short and books are long so dont read books

    if life is a garden i wanna be your hoe

    beauty is only a light switch away

  19. drylander2, the line is "I'd just AS SOON kiss a wookie"

    and the next line is "I can arrange that. You could use a good kiss. "
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