What's a random quote that you find amusing/funny?

Question

humer me. :D PLZ?

Answer 1

Im so busy I don't know whether to scratch my watch or wind my butt.

Answer 2

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

All my life, I always wanted to be somebody.  Now I see that I should have been more specific.

After all, what is your host's purpose in having a party?  Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.

If The Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me

May those who love us love us,

and those who do not love us,

may God turn their hearts,

and if He cannot turn their hearts

may He turn their ankles

that we may know them by their limping.

Answer 3

If practice makes perfect and nobody's perfect, why bother?

Answer 4

I watched Charlie Wilsons War last night and someone wanted to know what all of his staff was young beautiful women.  He responds

"You can teach them to type, you can't teach them to grow tatas"

Answer 5

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

:DD

l0l

Answer 6

Don't get your panties in a twist!

My Dad.

Answer 7

for people that run cross country-

cross country: the only real sport, the rest just play with their balls. haha

Answer 8

p**s on you. I'm workin' for Mel Brooks.

(Slim Pickens, "Blazing Saddles".)