What's a technique to stop someone from complaining all the time?

Question

An elderly relative lives with me and is full of negative comments 24/7!

Her complaints make her depressing to be around, and as a result many family members avoid her. (which is another source of complaint!)

How can I make her stop?

Answer 1

Challenger her, "Can you go all morning without complaining once?" Then go for the afternoon.

Answer 2

First - you can't MAKE anyone do anything.

Second - make it so something negative happens when it occurs and something positive happens when she stops.

Sometimes subtle - sometimes obvious.

The subtle thing - when she's complaining - Put up your finger  and say something like: "With all your complaining - that reminds me, I've got to call my friend SUE, she's a pain in the *** too"... and leave the room.

Show her no attention at all when she complains... If she talks about something positive, - give her total attention.

Old people sometimes do have a miserable life.  Complaining is a way to OFFLOAD some of their frustration. What they don't realize is - that it's at YOUR expense.   Gently educating them to that.. helps too.

Answer 3

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my grandmother is the same way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i just give her a taste of her own medicine so to speak.

when she is negative to you be negative back, for example.

my grandmother: well dont you look happy (being sarcastic and pulling a face)

me: well dont you look young (being sarcastic as well)

or just avoid them, that works too.

Answer 4

Perhaps she is not aware that she is coming across as being so negative.

First, I would suggest having a private conversation with her to let her know (if you haven't already done so)

Perhaps you could have a signal between the two of you to let her know when she is being negative - like you cough or scratch your head. I went to a seminar once where we spoke in front of a group and they whole group would raise their hands if we did one of our annoying quirks - like saying uh repeatedly, etc.

Tell her if this shows no improvement you will add another person.

This may seem a bit harsh so perhaps you could ask her to help you with one of your quirks - now you must identify one so record your conversations or video them so you will have one to ask for her help with. This would make you all a team instead of you the disciplinarian.

Good luck!

Answer 5

who's house is it

if its yours  tell her to  hush  

tell her  that her negative attitude is really giving you a negative attitude

tell her you checked into the  home for seniors    and  your moving into it with out her loll  

Answer 6

REMIND HER OF WHAT GOOD THINGS SHE HAS IN HER LIFE ANDT HAT THERE ARE PEOPLE MUCH WORSE OFF THAN HER THAT HAVE SOMETHNIG TO COMPLAIN ABOUT.  

Answer 7

" Ah Shaddap !"

Answer 8

Diarrhoea of the mouth; constipation of the ideas.

Answer 9

Believe me it's not only elderly people.  I know a 25 year old who is exactly the same.  Yet she is a lovely girl.

What I do is keep saying something positive about her or something else or even change the subject into a more positive one.  Since I've been doing that this young lady hasn't complained much at all.  You can only try.

Good luck!:)

Answer 10

Being a relative makes this harder to deal with.

I have to believe that complaining in a formal way is different then what you are talking about.  There are, "legal complaints" and "written complaints" etc...

Now this is what I do and it has seemed to work for me.

I have said to many people many times;

"Did complaining about it change anything?"

When they say: "No"

You reply: "Then either do something about it or be quiet."

Answer 11

I love old people; so much history in one mind.  She loves to complain, yeah but I'll bet she loves talking about the past more.

  Sit down with her, ask her about what is was like for her as a child, ask her about anything.

  In situations such as these, elderly people often find themselves feeling left out or left behind in a changing world.  It's simply a side effect of growing old, you've been cared for as a child, you've cared for your children but what are you now?

  Without positive interest from those around you what else would you do but complain?

  I never used to get along with my gran until I sat down and talked to her, actually got to know her as someone other than 'my gran' - we tend to contextualise our elderly as just that, without considering what path they took to get there.

Hope that helps,

Pax,

Ape

Answer 12

I have this problem about my friend just the same.You can't shout to your elderly,talk to her kindly to stop complaining 24/7.Talk in a way that don't hurt her feelings.

Answer 13

hehe i know its terrible and depressing being around complainers. maybe the person your talking about just wnts self pity..

ill tell ya what.. if that person comes out with a negative remark.. take the opportunity to let them look at a positive side.

for e.g oh my life sux... help them look at times when life was good and help them see wht they hve been blessed with... :) etc....

Answer 14

agree with anything they say.

also be very nice and polite, you'll frustrate them so much they wont bother even complaining anymore

Answer 15

Bring your iPod everywhere you go, ESPECIALLY with the old person around. The best is really to show you don't give a d**n about their complaints.

Answer 16

i hate old people, they complain so much!

i find it best to just avoid them, bt if you can't then just avoid eye contact and say as little as possible