What's fair? Equal guest lists?

Question

I am the bride and my parents are traditonal in paying for our wedding, is it okay if the guest list is uneven slightly? He claims he should be allowed 10 more guest spots than me because he has 10 more people in his extended family. I say my parents are paying for the wedding and he'll be lucky to have as many people invited as I do. I figure if he wants things to be dead even then his parents should have to pay half. Is this fair of me to think? His family has been a little spoiled...his sister got married first and had an invite list of 425 and they had most of the guest list, his brother is getting married next year and about 90/120 on the guest list are from his family because the bride doesn't have any family really and few friends. We are having 300 on the invite list and trying to keep it even for the most part. I feel like they don't understand that traditionally when the brides parents are paying it's even, if not maybe a little more on the brides side. Any opinions??

Answer 1

I would go ahead and let him invite them. After all it is his family that he's wanting to invite. You've invited 300 whats another 10 added to the list. Anyway, it would make him feel good if you let him invite them. I wouldn't make his parents pay for it either.

Answer 2

OK Think of it like this the grooms parents are paying for the liquer and not your parents. Does that make it all right for the groom to say to you my parents are paying for the booze so your parents and who ever they invite have to drink water or pop.? His parents are paying for the liquer??!! Or you can have his parents pay for only their guest! That way his parents can invite whom ever they like. It is only ten people. Or split the wedding cost in half!!

Answer 3

I personally feel that if your entire extended family is invited, he should be able to invite his entire extended family.  That's very selfish to say that since your family is paying, that you get to make the decision.  My husband's parents paid for our reception and our guest list was fairly even although I had more for my family since my family is larger.  And at the wedding, since my family lives much closer than his extended family, there were only 6 members of his family in attendance (his parents, brother and sister, grandma and step-grandpa).

Answer 4

If his parents want to invite more people than your parents, then they should shell out some cash.  It's only right.

Answer 5

My wife and I got married in her home town.  I had about 20 of the 400 people invited.  Didn't bother me.

I can tell you this.  After it was all said and done, my wife told me that she should have taken me up on the offer to just go to Vegas and get married there.  Just have each Parents fly in for the wedding.

Save the trouble.  Save your parents the cash.  Go get married in Vegas, then come back and throw a party.

Answer 6

For 10 people, I wouldn't argue about it. If we're talking more than 25, then it might be worth an argument. I see your point, but disagree.

In my situation, my husband invited quite a bit more people than I did, because his parents are divorced, and both remarried to other people, and mine aren't even divorced. So, he had step-parents families' to invite as well. Are you in that kind of situation? If so, then he definitly should invite more guests than you.  

Answer 7

Not all families are the same size.  So you are saying he can't invite people from his own family because your parents are paying?  I think you are being a little selfish.  It's not like he wants 100 extra people.  How many times have you used the statement "but, my parents are paying"?

Answer 8

yes it is selfish!! since my soonto be hubby doesn't have a lot of family members we still divided everything by half. we are having 200 guest and he gets to invite 100 and i get to invite 100..no matter what.  

Answer 9

ELOPE

Answer 10

this may sound selfish and alot of people on this site will chew you out for being so selfish but its your parents paying so you should have to right to more guests. If he wants the extra talk to his parents about maybe covering some of the extra bills.

Answer 11

In that case its not fair!  Everyone should be entitled to have the guests they want.  If your parents cant afford more people then his parents could help, but you should not have more than him.

Some work out uneven if one side has a alrge fmaily and the other doesn't.  but for a reason like this, whats another 10?  Its not worth a fight!

Answer 12

I agree with PugMom.

He should be able to invite them. It's his FAMILY, not some random people he just met and wants to invite.

Answer 13

you are ridiculous, if he has more people in his family, then he should be inviting more people than you. it doesn't have to be exactly equal. i feel bad for him

Answer 14

Your answer seems reasonable. His seems unrealistic. Costs of wedding being paid by your parents make this a fair request by the bride's parents. Take away the personal observations by you on the spoiled aspect, and his sister's already unbalanced guest list. Keeping it even is commendable and his list will have to be understanding and less bickering on the list. His extended family will have to take the place of friends or other guests if he wants them to be included. The list should reflect whom you must have at the wedding, (family) and a breakdown to closest friends following. Keep it simple and enjoy the wedding as it's your nice memories and not the bickering.........