What's the FUNNIEST joke you've ever heard? 10 pts for the one that makes me laugh hardest!?

Question

PULEEEZE keep it clean!

Answer 1

womens basketball

Answer 2

A little dirty, but not too bad.

A new kid showed up at school.  The teacher asked,"Son, what is your name?"

He said, "My name is Bart, they call me f**t and that makes me so d**n mad."

Teacher said," Now don't talk like that.  Where do you live?"

Bart said," I live on Third Street, they call it t**d Street and that makes me so d**n mad."

Teacher told him," I told you to stop talking like that, now get to the principal's office."

He goes to the principal's office. He finds that she is very pretty, but is taking her belt off.  She asks," Son, do you know what this means?"

He replies," It means, you wanta diddle and I'm too little and that makes me so d**n mad!"

Answer 3

Two preachers meet at a stop sign every day riding their bikes. One day, one of the preachers strides up with out his bike. The other preacher asks, "where's your bike?" He answers, "Someone stole it." The other preacher says, "Next Sunday preach on the ten commandments. By the end of the sermon someone will confess that they stole your bike." That Monday he rides up on his bike and the other preacher says, "I see that you are riding your bike today." The first preacher replies, "Yeah, I got all the way to Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery when I remembered where I left my bike."

Answer 4

there are 3 construction workers white guy, mexican, and an asian guy. during there break they took out there lunch and saw what they where going to eat the white guy had a sandwhitch, mexican burritos, asian had rice. they all said if i see this lunch one more time im going to jump off this building.

the next day during break time they opened there lunch pales and saw the food they were really hating they all jump off of the building.

at there funerals the wives of the 3 workers gathered to talk about there misfortunes. they all took turns talking the mexicans wife said omg i should have givein him something else, the asians wife said me too i am such a fool. the white guys wife said i dont know why my husband killed him self he packs his own lunch  

say this in order really fast

pink

cheese

green

goes

sorry if offensive

Answer 5

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground. By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off.

So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell -- but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."

"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.

The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.

"It's been a very strange day.You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right.Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and again the whole process was repeated. Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.

"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator

Answer 6

   The  Witness

  A carpenter was giving evidence about an accident he had witnessed. The lawyer for the defendant was trying to discredit him and asked him how far away he was from the accident.

The carpenter replied, "Twenty-seven feet, six and one-half inches."

"What? How come you are so sure of that distance?" asked the lawyer.

"Well, I knew sooner or later some idiot would ask me. So I measured it!" replied the carpenter