What's the best joke you ever heard?

Question

What's the best joke you ever heard?

Answer 1

Two snare drums and a symbol fall down a well.

BADUN CHAAA

Answer 2

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. When he finished, he found his horse had been stolen.

He comes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling. "Who stole my horse?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.

No one answered.

"I'm gonna have another beer and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I'm finished, I'm gonna do what I dun back in Texas and I don't want to have to do what I dun back in Texas!"

Some of the locals shifted restlessly.

He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and started to ride out of town.

The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, what happened in Texas?"

The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home!"

joke2

A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it where the man verifies his ticket number.

The Redneck says, "I want my $20 million."

To which the man replied, "No sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today, and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years.

The Redneck said, "I want all my money RIGHT now! I won it, and I want it."

Again the man patiently explains that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.

The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I WANT MY MONEY!! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, THEN I WANT MY DOLLAR BACK!''

joke3

A poodle and a collie were walking down the street. The poodle turned to the collie and complained, "My life is a mess. My owner is mean, my girlfriend is having an affair with a German shepherd, and I'm nervous as a cat."

"Why don't you go see a psychiatrist?" asked the collie.

"I can't," replied the poodle. "I'm not allowed on the couch."

Answer 3

two muffins are sitting next to each other in an over so suddenly the first muffin says to the second "dude it's SOOOO HOT in here" so the 2nd muffin replies by saying"HOLY c**p A TALKING MUFFIN"

Answer 4

  

Magic Apples

A young fellow ran into an old man who was carring a bag.

"What's in the bag?" the youngster asked.

"magic apples", the old man replied.

"Prove it", said the young man.

"Well, besides apples, what is your favorite two fruits?" asked the old man.

"Watermelon and peaches", he answered.

The man handed him an apple and told him to try it out. The boy took a bite and said that it tasted like a watermelon. "Ok, turn it over", he said.

The boy did and took another bite and said that it tasted like a peach.

The youngster still wasn't convinced that they were magic.

The old fellow told him to name something else that he liked to eat.

"I like to eat pus**." he snapped.

The man handed him another apple and told him to try it.

He took a big bite, spit it out, wipped his mouth and exclaimed, "That tasted like s**+*".

The old man looked at him, smiled and said, "Turn it over."

Answer 5

Two fish are swimming around in a fish tank and one says to the other, "how do you drive this thing?"

Answer 6

A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the

third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After

dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation.

After a long period of silence, the priest spoke. "Well, sister, this

looks pretty grim."

I know, father." "In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive

more than a day or two." I agree", says the Father, "Sister, since we

are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for

me?"

"Anything, Father." "I have never seen a woman's b*****s and I was

wondering if I might see yours."

"Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm."

The nun opened her habit and the priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely

b*****s, commenting frequently on their beauty. "Sister, would you mind

if I touched them? She consented and he fondled them for several

minutes.

"Father, could I ask something of you?

"Yes, Sister?"

"I have never seen a man's p***s. Could I see yours?"

"I suppose that would be OK," the priest replied lifting his robe.

"Oh Father, may I touch it?"

This time the priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling

he was sporting a huge erection.

Sister, you know that if I insert my p***s in the right place, it can

produce life."

"Is that true father?"

"Yes, it is, Sister."

"Oh Father that's wonderful, stick it in the camel and let's get the

h**l out of here."