What's the best way to deal with a narcissist? ?

Question

Is it better to ignore insults or confront them. In this case it's my mother who thinks she's hilarious but is not. I have a sense of humor but continually criticizing my appearance gets to me, especially when she is very overweight...which I don't have a problem with BTW and NEVER mention because I don't want to hurt other people. Also I'm not inclined to be that way. Am I too sensitive?

Answer 1

No you are not too sensitive it is her who has the problem although I'm sure she works very hard to make you feel rejected if she is as you say a narcissist.  There really is no way to win with these people because they live in their own world.  They justify and make up whatever their juvenile mind wants believe to protect the deep feelings of insecurity and inadequacy.  Really the only way to possibly solve this is to worship the ground she walks on but even then it may not work because these people feed off of the negative energy they get from you as well as the positive.  This negative energy is often not words or things you do but mannerism or body language.  She has probably watched very intently to see what signs indicate you are bothered or getting down.  These mannerisms are what they feed off of because it proves to them that you are down and their (weak, pathetic, classless) tactics are working.  Pretty sick if you really think about it people getting off on the plight they cause to others.  Can you dis-own her after all she really is the one who is fat and disgusting right.

Answer 2

Are you being too sensitive?  No.  Actually, you have the patience of a saint for putting up with your mom's bullying.  My guess is that she has told you that you need to "lighten up", which is the trademark passive-aggressive behavior of a narcissist.  They don't like it when you call them out on their hostility.

You need to calmly but firmly tell your mom that her behavior is immature and hurtful.  It is tough to talk to your own parent that way, but she needs to respect you.  My guess is that she might be depressed and feels so badly about herself that she lashes out at others.  Nonetheless, that does not give her an excuse to be mean to you.

Answer 3

No you are not being to sensitive. It's your mom so you still have to respect her. So what you do the next time she insults you, ask her, "Mom do you need to insult me to make yourself feel good, I'm not trying to be disrespectful I'm just curious." You really have to confront narcissistic personalities. When they say something negative about you are someone else, say something positive about you and/or that other person. They would get tire of hearing so many positive things about someone else. They will never say anything negative about themselves and don't you either say anything neg. about them cause they don't believe the negativity about themself. Even when she say something positive about herself say something positive about someone else. She may get upset but let her know, you are not saying anything wrong and don't think it's something against her. You are just acknowledging other positive stuff/people so you can stay positive. Come up with constructive way to approach her but let her know she's not the only perfect person. As me and you know, no one is perfect. Being positive shouldn't hurt anyone but it does.

Answer 4

No, you're not too sensitive. What parents say to us carrys a lot of weight. Clearly she needs to feel superior at your expense. (This is not necessarily narcissism by the way, it could be simple sadism).

It may come to a long period of no communication between you two. My mother was so impossible that I went for 10 years without speaking to her.

If you're not an emancipated minor, make plans for this. Get a job and save money so that you can move out as soon as you are ready. In the meantime, try to stay away from home as much as possible.

Answer 5

Why can't you confront her in a way that makes her realize that you won't see her or call her as much if she doesn't stop. Let her know in a nice way that what she says isn't funny. then don't call her or see her for a few days. Narcissists tend to need a captive audience, so if she thinks you won't pay attention to her, she may modify her behavior.

Remember, we teach others how we wish to be treated. If she persists, you may have to cut off contact for a longer time. This worked very well with my mother, who was very sarcastic and judgmental. she softened as she got older. When she passed away, there was no more animosity between us.

good luck