What's the best way to find parents for your baby?

Question

I've seen a lot of them on myspace and got some e-mails here, but what's the right thing to do. Do I need an agency? I don't really want to let someone make money on my baby. Can I find a couple on my own? Do I have to pay anything?

Answer 1

If you cannot pay, then contact the local legal-aid office.  They will be listed in the yellow pages.

They will speak to you free of charge and let you know your options.

I know you don't want someone to profit from your baby, but doing this through an attorney or agency will be best for the baby in the long run.  The adopting parents typically pay all the costs.

Answer 2

i have an aunt that would dearly love to have a baby,or older child  she and her husband wanted to have one but they both have diabetes that run in their families. and he had it he died giving up because they wouldn't allow adoption treating his being through the foster care sytem as a child  as some kind of fault of his own and her being sexually and physically abused as a fault of hers too.she would never hurt a child.she is very good with children horses and dogs and goats she is like Ellie May, they all love her. i won't go on it's usually no use any way.

Answer 3

Oh I know my husband and I want to adopt so bad.  But we were told that it would be pretty much impossible for us to get a baby and if so it would take years.  There are so many couples out there I found this website that had tons of couples out there that were advertising wanting a baby.  

Be picky and ask lots of questions!!!!!!!!!

Answer 4

Your baby has already found parents, you and the male you had s*x with. You two are and forever will be the parents of the baby inside of you.

If you opt for adoption someone will profit off you and your baby no matter what you think you are able to choose. That's the way it is in the USA.

Please concentrate on having a healthy pregnancy and delivery and plan to care for your baby "on the outside" for a little while. Mothering hormones kick in after birth and you will better understand how separation will DEVASTATE you baby. You are the perfect mom as far as s/he is concerned and you are the only person that baby wants.

Answer 5

You really should go through a respectible agency.

A good agency will provide you with counciling and support.  A great agency, like the Nebraska Children's Home Society http://www.nchs.org/ will continue to provide you support long after the birth.

Ads are typically placed by lawyers and they only want your baby.  Couples go this route when they want the baby and want nothing to do with you afterwards.  Think about what kind of people you are giving your baby to if they care nothing about the baby's heritage, healthcare (genetic diseases), etc.  Rember, the lawyer is working for the adoptive couple and is there to protect their rights, not yours.  In a lawyer based adoption, no one is looking out for you, or your baby.  Adoption agencies have been through this several times and are quite familiar with the laws, and if they want to keep their doors open, the have to follow the laws.  An out of state lawyer may not follow the laws of your state, etc.

Most agency placed adoptions you can have an "open" adoption with.  You can see your baby from time to time.  Your relationship is more like that of an aunt.  But the child can do things like ask you why you placed for adoption.  Kids will fill in blanks with worst case scenarios (i.e. Mom placed me because something was wrong with me; my parents don't want to tell me where I came from because my parents were bad people, therefore I must be a bad person too, etc.).  Contact with the birth family is very healthy for the child.  Agencies also do background checks on the parents (s*x offender registry, etc.), they make sure the parents are finanically able to handle a child (often they have gone into debt trying infertility treatments), etc.  They will weed out the "bad parents" that a lawyer will not.

All agency fees are paid for by the adoptive couple.  You tell them what you are looking for in bith parents (education level, urban or rural, religion, etc.) and they then find profiles of adoptive couples who match your desires.  You read over their profiles (about a 3 page letter, 1 page of photos), and pick from there.  If you don't see any that click for you, they send you more.  Once you find a couple you think might be a match, you can meet them.  Talk to them.  See if they are going to be the kind of people you want to raise your child, etc.

When considering an agency, talk to others who have placed through that agency and get their feedback.  How were they treated?  Do they have contact with their child?  Did the agency do any kind of follow up with them?

My wife and I are on a list to adopt (with NCHS).  We've done a lot of research on Agencies vs. Lawyers, domestic vs. foreign, etc.  We've heard horror stories and success stories.  Do your homework and pick a good agency.  Adoption is borne out of loss - you loose your child, your child looses you, the adoptive parents probably aren't able to have a child and feel a loss over that - it is not the best possible outcome, but it is the best possible outcome that can come from the circumstances everyone has fallen into.

Answer 6

Looking into your heart and being the parent your child really really wants you to be.

Because you already are this child's mother.

Answer 7

go through an agency they will help you. They may make money on it but they will research the families for you. That way you will not have to pay for a lawyer. There are alot of christian based or what ever religion you may be ones out there do some research,I am sure you will find one that fits you.

Answer 8

wow you should talk to a attorney make sure that all bases are covered and in most cases the person that is adopting pick up all fee's  good luck

Answer 9

Check online sites like www.parentprofiles.com.  That should give you a pretty good idea of families trying to adopt.  You shouldn't have to pay anything...expenses are paid through the agency or attorney by the adoptive family.

Answer 10

One way or another an attorney is probably going to get involved.

You should not have to pay anything for putting your baby up for adoption.  

Personally I think you should go through some kind of certified licensed adoption agency.  The agency will investigate any person applying to adopt a baby.  They will make sure that the applicant is financially stable that the baby will be taken care of etc.  

An agency will make sure that all the proper papers are filed with the local government and that everything is done legally.  

You should be able to specify if you wish to have an open adoption or a closed adoption.

Answer 11

you can find a child on your own...but you have to go by whatever your state rules are.  a lawyer will definitely be involved. Some, most states require homestudies, sometimes classes.  Homestudies are expensive.

Answer 12

Make sure this is what you want or a year or so down the road you will be asking how to get over this. If this is what you really want then there should not be a problem there are so many wonderful people that can't have children that would love your baby.

  Next thing I really mean IS THE BABY'S FATHER AWARE OF WHAT YOU WANT TO DO? IF NOT INFORM HIM PLEASE. I know there are alot of dead beat father's out there or what people call sperm donor's but there is a lot of father's like my son that want to be in their children's life's. My son just got on a airplane to travel 3 states away to see his son that was stole by a adoption agency. For now he gets visitation. If nothing changes he gets him most of the summer here the state my son lives in. THERE IS TO MUCH HEARTACH IF YOU GO AROUND THE BIRTH FATHER.

   My heart goes out for you and I will pray for you, you sound like a wonderful girl.

Answer 13

How do you find the best parents?

Look in the mirror.  You'll see the answer looking back.

Answer 14

What you need to do is go and talk to someone at an agency or get in touch with a lawyer that deals with adoptions. When we adopted our daughter, we had ads in the papers. We did the search on our own. There are people out there that we willing to adopt you baby and keep it open. We did this with our birth mom. She sees our daughter two to three times a week. The one thing you need to do is make sure you ask the questions you want to get answers from and IF you dont feel right about a couple then dont chose them. USE your feelings to choice who adopts. You dont have to pay anything,. When we were adopting, the birth mom had her insurance and when the baby was born, we had her put on ours. So look into and you make the choice. Good luck. IF you need to talk you can email me.

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Answer 15

If you feel more comfortable choosing a couple on your own, then the only financial part is the lawyer fee & any healthcare costs associated with your pregnancy.  The adoptive parents would/should agree to pay all of those costs.  Best of luck to you.

Answer 16

i know this couple (i work with the wife)  they have done fund raisers and everything trying to save up to adopt a baby,  find a person for private adoption.  no adoption agencies just lawyers.