What's the best way to help our new dog develop an attachment to my 11 year old son?

Question

We got a 2 year old shelter dog a couple of days ago, and she's attaching to me. I got her for my son, and he's a little disappointed that she has started out coming to me for everything. I asked him to spend a lot of time with her, provide her treats. training, meals and playtime, while at the same time I ignore her overtures. Is this all right, or is there a better way of doing it?

I figured that maybe her previous owner was a female, and that she's reacting to a familiar type of situation, but I'm hoping we can train her to be my son's dog.

Answer 1

Probably her previous owner was a grown-up.  As already said, you need to make her your son's dog, he has to feed her, groom her, walk her, cuddle her, play with her and everything.  At the moment she hasn't even begun to settle down, so if you see to those suggestions now it'll work very well.

Answer 2

She has to spend more time with your son than you. Have your son to be the one to do all the chores required for the dog. That includes feeding, walking, grooming, and training. Good luck! :D

Answer 3

From now on, make your son do everything with the dog. He feeds her, walks her, trains her, and does everything for her. Also, have him put the dog on a leash and have him leash the dog to him. This means the dog will have to go everywhere with him. It teaches the dog to stick with him. You can try this, but it's possible the dog may still go for you more.  

Answer 4

I have found that when there is a parent with children the dog becomes attached to the caregiver of the children the best because they feel a loyalty to them ... when sitting on the couch I would have your son sit with the two of you and do the patting, make sure that he provides treats, food, walks, etc...  

Answer 5

If he continues to do all of that, especially feeding, she should come around.  He should also make it fun for her and take her for walks.  Also, if he starts training her it will give her the mental stimulation she need.

Answer 6

Just continue what you are doing, allowing him to spend as much time with her especially in giving her meals, treats and also Walking her. That is very important in establishing a bond. But also keep in mind that dogs will naturally defer to the dominant figure in the household, they are pack animals and the pack leaders are usually always adults. But let your son know that the dog sees you in much the same way as he does- as his mother but that he thinks of your son as her sibling so she loves him just as much.

Answer 7

Yes, you have exactly the right idea.  It's not necessarily that you have to ignore her but you have to get her to learn that your son is also a pack leader and a caregiver.

It's normal for a dog to be more attached to one family member than another (a lot of dogs are "men's dogs" for example, and they seem to prefer men but will still be loyal and obedient to every other household member).  So don't worry if your dog always sees you as the primary pack leader, that's not a problem as long as she also recognises the authority of all other humans in the household.

Get your son to be the first person to greet her in the morning or when you come home, and to make a big fuss of her, and basically (for a while at least) he should really be providing all her care.  As well as helping them to bond, this will also reinforce the fact that your son is also a "boss".  

You're on the right lines, the key is consistency and praise.  Good luck!

Answer 8

Lots of great answers so far but that never keeps me from adding my two cents.  Your problem is not getting the the dog to do something like bond with the boy.  It's getting the boy to be perceptibly in charge of the dog.  Animals emotional reflexes are just about impossible to train.  You can train their behaviors, like going into a burning building rather than run away but they behave naturally based on their environmental cues.  Ever watch supper nanny?  She does not fix the kids, she fixes the parents.

As a previous answer stated dogs are pack animals.  They tend to bond to the leader of the pack.  To do otherwise is certain death in the wild.  It's an instinct that keeps them safe, fed and a member in good standing in that particular pack.  Can you imagine a pack of dogs working as a collegial  committee?  It would be like our US senate and just as effective.  They might manage to bring down a sick crippled animal if it had pneumonia, arthritis, a broken leg and a confused mental condition.  In the end all the dogs would claim ownership of the carcass and pandemonium would ensue, but I digress.  It's more likely in your situation you will need to establish a pecking order.  You get to keep your parental position so the kid will be treated as number two and the dog as number three or as merely an associate of the boy.  It's a mindset for you of "not my dog".  The dog will pick up on this as you not taking direct care of his needs rather  the boy does that so that's were he goes.

You will need to watch dressing the boy down for infractions in front of the dog and you can have the kid make the behavioral corrections to the dog.  Let's say the dog is doing the barking thing.  It's the adult that normally would correct this.  The child needs to make the effort to check what the barking is about then let the dog know he has checked it and it's all OK so just relax and that all is well.  Parents do this as second nature,  we know strange noises could mean trouble.  Kids tend to ignore this unless it's coming from the DVD they are watching on the tube or the smell of burnt popcorn.  You know how kids tend to be a bit oblivious to what it means to be in charge.  It's  because being in charge means a lot of extra work.  It's easier to just keep watching TV or yell over your shoulder for the dog to shut-up rather than get up and check what it's about.  Also, like someone else said, entering and exiting the house first is a leader's roll.  The kid can't be in too big a hurry not to demand this respect every single time.  It's the mind set to think at the dog and the body language to say, don't you even think about getting in front of me or I'll rip your throat out for the infraction.  Kids are rarely up to the effort while dogs are constantly checking to see who is in charge and moving up in the order.

You can talk to the boy about the dog but avoid making eye contact with his pet and keep your tones neutral.  If you are scolding the kid the dog will observe a possible chance to move up in the pecking order.  It's natural to see this as an opportunity when the child has garnered disfavor with you.  My sister was great at being an angle when I had gotten in trouble with the parental units.  The boy needs to demand control in all areas of the pack.  Not in a whiny, "he won't show me any respect" kind of way but rather a "I'm the boss of you" kind of way, without question.  The kid needs to learn to look for ways to be in charge.  Not just telling the dog what not to do but what to do in all things.  Where and when to be, to sit, to lay and when to eat and and p**p and everything else.  The dog is always checking to see if it's being "owned" or if it's on free reign (leash).  If you have ever watched the "Dog Whisperer" you have seen a guy gets twenty dogs to do exactly what he wants.  This is because he never forgets he's in charge and does not let the dogs forget it either.

Let's say you are eating a sandwich on the couch and the dog is watching this intently.  If the boy gets up and goes in the other room the dog should follow.  Dogs on their own leash will continue to observe your sandwich eating show rather than follow their leader.  The boy needs to understand that he needs to take the time to ensure absolute control to establish leadership.  It's not viscousness, it's just matter-o-fact attitude of "I'll rip your throat out if you don't.  You know how we always know where the two-year-old is at all times?  It's got to be like that, at least at first.

Is your kid up to that?  Good luck BJ.

A new dog . . . who'd a thunk it?