What's the best way to test someone?

Question

My guy is in North Carolina and I'm in Germany. We have a 5 year-old daughter together and just got back together this year in January, were broken up for over 4 years.

He is in the midst of joining the Army again and coming back to Germany to marry me.

How do I test his faithfulness before I marry him??? I've made up fake MySpace pages of pretty and not so pretty girls. The pages actually looked real. He didn't fall for anything. He told them all he has a fiance. One girl I wrote him with that he was cute he did reply and say that she is very pretty also. Should I be mad about that? He was just returning a compliment, nothing more. Right?

What is a better way to test him?

Please don't write and say I shouldn't be in a relationship if I don't trust. I am the type of person who needs to SEE that she CAN trust, I don't just pass out trust points for nothing. And this guy and I have been through a lot since we met in 2002.

Answer 1

If you feel that he's untrustworthy from 'past' things that he's done, then don't marry him, but playing games is never good. Don't test him anymore.  

Answer 2

Don't play those games. You're not ready yet. I don't mean you can't eventually marry, but you have to work on your issues first. I'm wishy-washy too, but I am married to a wonderful man. Over the years, my weaknesses have still grown, but I try to work on them all the time. You'll need to confess, but tell him why. Tell you him what you're afraid of and got carried away. The right partner for you won't hold it against you. You might have to work to regain his trust, but the air will be clear. The internet is a strange place where people do things they'd never do in real life. If you don't know about his faithfulness, even though you have a history, admit that you still have more to learn about each other then. Me and my husband are still learning new stuff all the time, and we're at 9+ years.  Maturity: sometimes it doesn't come easy, but we can try.

Answer 3

yeah..I guess you are right..in my opinion..it's just a compliment..nothing more.. ;)

Answer 4

Well guess what, he should run for the hills. You should trust him and you shouldn't have done that. Confess to him so he can see what you really are. You are not a trustworthy person and he should steer clear of you.

Answer 5

I have trust issues as well because my husband had an affair (he is going to be my ex-husband at some point). I set up an email account to test him, put a note on his car at work (from same "girl"), text him anonymously from the computer (search on answers how to send anonymous text)..... he did not bite on any of these. As a matter of fact, I sent him a email "threatening" to tell his wife (as I had put in one email that I new about his other affair) and he emailed back (the only time he had any communication) that he don't know what rock I crawled out from under but leave him alone and seize all communications. I stopped (but still don't trust him if a girl was right in his face but under your circumstances it may be different).

Now, as far as him still going to be my ex-husband, we have other MAJOR issues but I am waiting for the time to be right for me (we are going to be out of bad debt by the end of the year - my doing).

I know a lot of this sounds wrong to some but I have been through SO much in my life (both married and growing up) that I have wizened up and am starting to be a little selfish (at the expense of no one!).

So, do what you feel is right because if you don't you will regret it!  

Answer 6

You need to quit playing mind games.  Bottom line, that is all you are doing.

Its almost like you want him to do something you dont like, with all that baiting.  

And, how the h**l can you expect to trust him, when he clearly cant trust you.

You can do everything you want to make your fake person be more enticing, you know what he likes, wants.  And when you push it too far, you are going to find out you screwed yourself.  You are acting like you are 16.  As a woman, I would never do that to my man, and would leave if  I ever found out he did it to me.  This is going too far.

Answer 7

If you do not trust him now how are you going to trust him when you are married, if he past your stupid tests, you should not marry until you get some counseling for your trust issues

Answer 8

if you are testing him...YOU have the trust issues....There is not way to predict the future, you could have a great relationship now, but later it may fail, as all relationships have the chance to fail. HOWEVER, you also have the chance for sucess. If you want to succeed you must try to learn how to trust him, it is essential in a relatioship. Love is not being insecure, love is not being blind, love is not picking apart a relationship. Love is action, love is patients, love is acceptance; there is no jealousy in love....

trust points???? sounds like ..... trying to be open and honest..... you may need a little therepy to get over your past. A persons' past is not easy to overcome, people have to overcome a life time of negative programing.....

good luck, God bless

Answer 9

testing is never a good thing... if you can't trust him, don't get back together...

Answer 10

well how many times you are going to test him?  If he did not reply  you would probably still be sending him fake messages and you would be trying harder  to make him reply.  So since you did this you are now always going to wonder and now your relationship with him is stressed.

Answer 11

Can he trust you? Maybe hes at that age now that other females don't arouse him as much. Maybe he wants a mother there for his daughter. Quit playing games with him. It might make him all curious like d**n she messaging me.. why would i want to go back to her.

Answer 12

This whole thing is silly. You may find that you can trust him now, but a year down the road he is bored and not trustworthy. If you continue playing this sort of a game in a relationship, it is you that is not being trustworthy. Furthermore, you will CREATE exactly what you hope to disprove.