What's the problem with my husband?

Question

I'll make this short. Been married for 1 year. I have a 13 year old daughter...he has no children. We are both in our 40's. She was in the family room watching TV and he comes in and turns it without saying a word to her. She comes to me crying telling me what he had done and how he always treats her that way. I think it hurt her feelings more than anything because she still isn't sure if my husband really loves her or not. Typical step family thing. Anyway, I walk in and only say….She’s really upset. And that’s all I said! He gets very angry and say’s things like….do I have to ask permission to watch TV?? Then he turns off the TV and walks outside. He wouldn’t even discuss this with me. Any advice?

Answer 1

Your husband and your daughter are likely fighting for your love and attention.  They don't realize that the three of you should be a family unit now.  I think the three of you need to sit down and have a talk together about your family unit, and how you all need to love and respect one another as a family now.

You personally also need to sit down with just your husband, and then just your daughter, and talk to them individually.  Explain to your daughter that you understand how hurt she's feeling, and that it's hard to welcome a new parent.  Explain to your husband that he needs to be more open and respectful to your daughter.  He's her parent now too, and he needs to treat her like a human being and show her love and respect.

Good luck.

Answer 2

That is disrespectful and a hurtful thing to do to a 13 year old.  It is her home as well.  He is wrong and selfish.  You are creating problems for your daughter for allowing this.  Please seek family counseling so you can all cohabitate as a family unit.

Answer 3

I'd of tore his *** up and he wouldn't be allowed back in my house. I don't even do **** like that to my own kids.  

Answer 4

god.... i can't reply.

cruelety

I but has he always been like that?

Answer 5

It would appear that he has a problem with your daughter, the tv incident was just that, an incident. You need to sit down with him and talk, ask him why he is so uptight, and why he is treating her the way he does, he knew what he was taking on when he married you, and if he is now having regrets, you and your daughter have a right to know about them, and what if anything he want's to do about it.

Answer 6

It's a man thing, my Dad used to walk through the living room and change the chanel on what we were watching and then go right down stairs!  Maybe he thinks she should be doing something besides watching tv or maybe he wanted it on what he wanted, and he should get his choice over her!  His house, tv, bills etc. Try talking to him when he isn't upset!  He hasn't had to deal with kids before and tell her to grow up and stop crying over something so minor!

Answer 7

i don't know what the problem is. maybe to avoid all of that you should just get her a TV for her room. until you can find out what the under lying issue is try to make things easier on her and him.

Edit: i understand that she doesn't want to be cooped up in her room all day so, i can get the watching of the tv in the family room. but for a little while try to get her to watch tv in her room until you can get to the bottom of the issue or get some group counciling. because no one wakes up one day and decides that they want to be evil. there has to be something that he is unhappy about but doesn't know how to get it across to the both of you.

Answer 8

For one thing, it definitely comes from a lack of experience with children.  He didn't even acknowledge her existence, which happens sometimes when people haven't dealt a lot with kids.  They don't see them as real people.

Another thing is that he said, "can't I even decide what I'm going to watch on TV?"  (however it was).  It sounds like he's coming into the marriage and feeling like he has no control over his own life any more, or anything that really belongs to him.  Men who have been bachelor's for a long time with no kids have a real hard time making that change.  They always had everything to themselves and made all the decisions themselves up till getting married.

Answer 9

He probably resents not having the say in his house.  Has he married before or is he used to having what he wants without worrying about what others think.  Best suggestion -- get a television for her room.  Let him have control of the rest of the space.

Answer 10

My answer is going to depend on what she was watching and what he turned it to.

Answer 11

seems to me like he is just not used to dealing with things as a parent, i mean if he has no experience with kids and parenting, chances are he has no idea if he is doing anything wrong, i would talk to him, but if he gets angry, maybe just kind of put little lessons into his day to day activities.

Answer 12

Buy another set for your daughters room problem solved.  The man of the house should not be dictated to by his children or any other.

Answer 13

well thats your daughter if he doesnt respect her then dont respect him

Answer 14

put him in angry mangements classes lol it works nd helpz u i was put in 1 before lol nd helpz im whole differnet person now

Answer 15

Maybe he's stressed out over something.  Ask him.

Answer 16

Sounds like you have two children.

He was being childish.

If he wanted the TV he should have said he was going to watch his program and let that be that. But to just flip it on her without saying a word was very rude on his behalf. And then not wanting to talk about the issue was childish also.

Maybe you should get another TV.

Answer 17

What an assh***!  I would tell him that he better start treating her and you better or he can watch tv be himself in his own apartment.  Don't put up with that!  No one should treat a child like that and if I were you I would get the skinny on what other obnoxious things he does.

Answer 18

unhappy kid unhappy marige u should probably get a divorce if he wont even speak 2 u

Answer 19

Get another tv for either your room or your daughter's room.  And then tell your daughter to get a backbone and what is worthy of crying over.  So he changed the tv channel.  Can she not open her mouth and say, "I was watching that"?  He was rude to just change the channel on her, but come on.  Running and crying to mommy because mean old stepdad changed the tv channel?  He was right to be upset because your daughter overreacted big time.  Sounds like she is going to soon start playing mommy against stepdad.  Kids don't know their own boundaries anymore and parents are pushovers these days.

Answer 20

leave him...this is a sign...god always sends signs..you got to pay attention....leave him if he cant treat your daughter with respect....he is not worth it

if he wants another tv he NEEDZ to buy it...

O h**l no..let him have it do you have an older brother taht can set him straight

Answer 21

Your first priority and responsibility is to your DAUGHTER. This type of behavior could be the beginings of control which can lead to abuse,either verbal, physical, or sexual.

Be very careful. If he won't talk about it he is hiding from something.

Being 13 is a tough age for anyone, but add a blended family,with middle school and hormone changes and she is very fragile. She needs your love attention, and most of all support.

If I were you, I would have a back up exit plan so that if the time comes, yo won't be scrambling.

My personal opinion is he does not love her, or he would engage with her on her level.

Everything I have said is merely my opinion. You might want to consult with a professional.

Answer 22

He's an a$$hole with NO MANNERS!  Simple as THAT!!!!!!

Answer 23

It seems like he has reached a boiling point about how he feels about the way he's treated in the family. Maybe he feels that he always puts himself last when it comes to stuff like using the computer, watching tv, listening to the radio etc...  

Let him know you appreciate the sacrifices he makes and let him know you'll try to consider his feelings more. Tact is the key. For example, you could bake him a cake.  

Answer 24

You need to have a serious sit down talk with your husband about how he treats your daughter. I suggest family counseling, it will help you get all your issues out in the open.  

Answer 25

give him space, he'll come around.. sometimes people don't like to talk about things that are bothering them right after they happen. if you let him get his space and calm down i'm positive he'll be willing to talk about it. my real dad does the same stuff sometimes. everything will be okay, i don't think it even matters that he's a stepfather.. oh yeah and if you try to force him to talk about it when he's obviously upset, nothing good will come out of it only explosive anger! let him calm down and when he isn't angry you'll have the opportunity talk about the situation instead of arguing and not making anything better

Answer 26

would he do this to you?  ...just take control and do whatever he wants even if it affects other people?  if so, he's just an ***.  I would talk to him in private without your daughter and ask him to try to be more considerate to your daughter.  If theres only one tv see if he can let her finish watching the show she's watching and let her know that he'd like to watch something else after it's over... or get him his own tv.  hope this helps!