What's up with my dad?

Question

My dad has been calling repeatedly without leaving messages and I don't always return my missed calls.

He got pissed at me because he "hasn't heard from me in a while". He seems to think that I should be available whenever he wants to speak to me and doesn't realize that I have my own schedule to keep.

Last time we spoke it was really awkward and hostile. He gets uptight very easily and for no reason. The conversation went something like this:

dad: how are you?

me: fine, how are you doing?

dad: (obviously leading up to something) im ok. so are you in town this weekend?

me: (was pretty sure id be out of town with my bf) well, i havent really made my plans yet.

dad: (in a demanding tone) if youre in town, how about we go have some dinner?

me: (not wanting to commit to anything) lets see if im in town before i make plans.

dad: (almost threatening) ok how about this. when YOU want to get together, YOU call ME.

me: (confused) uh ok.

dad: (sounding frustrated) ok bye.

what's up with that? why does he always get mad when he doesn't have his way?

Answer 1

Well, you can ask this advice at Jamrie.com

People on the website, should be able to help you out.

I go on it all the time!

Answer 2

Why don't you go to dinner with your dad and sit and explain it to him.  Tell him its great to spend time with him and how much you've missed him (even if you haven't really missed him that much) but you've been really busy lately and you've got lots more things coming up.  Why don't you also make him come to you?  Make him come out of town and maybe spend sometime with you and your b/f.

Sounds like your dad is a bit lonely and his kid girl is turning into a woman under is own eyes and its probably a bit frightening.  He probably thinks he's losing you but really your relationship is evolving.

Don't fight with him, stay cool and coax him round.

Answer 3

my gut tells me he misses you, and you getting older and not needing him as much hurts him. Instead of telling you that, he gets angry.

Answer 4

Maybe he's just missing you. Maybe he's not mad. Maybe he is frustrated you don't want to see him, but it isn't a threat to ask you to call, or a demand to say "how about we get some dinner." Can you read the conversation like this?

dad (missing you and starting a normal conversation): how are you?

you (bugged that your dad calls so much, getting ready to blow him off): fine, how are you doing?

dad (hoping you're in town so he can see you): im ok. so are you in town this weekend?

you (pretty sure you won't be): well, I haven't really made my plans yet

dad (in a hopeful tone): if you're in town, how about we go have some dinner?

you (feeling pressured by a simple request: let's see if I'm in town before I make plans.

dad (frustrated that you're avoiding him): ok, how about this, when YOU want to get together, YOU call ME.

you (finally getting your wish that your dad doesn't call you a lot): ok

dad (frustrated): okbye

Or why couldn't the conversation go something like:

dad: how are you?

you: fine, you?

dad: fine - so are you in town this weekend?

you: probably not. <insert boyfriend's name> and I are probably going to <insert town>, but it's not definite yet.

dad: if you're in town, how about dinner?

you: that would be great, what if I call you when I know one way or the other? I've really been wanting to eat at <insert restaurant name>

dad: great, I'll look forward to hearing from you. talk to you soon

you:OK, and what about next weekend if I'm not here this weekend?

dad:That would be great. I love you.

you: I love you, too- talk to you soon.

Maybe instead of always getting mad when he doesn't have his way being the issue, the only issue is that he wants to take his daughter that he loves to dinner, and he's frustrated that she doesn't ever want to take his phone calls, much less see his face. Maybe he misses you, has hurt feelings you don't want to see him, and is not pissed, but sad, not thinking you should always be available, but wishing you'd make yourself available to see him once a week or month, or talk to him once a week or month.

Just a thought. Maybe he's deeply angry in general, maybe he hates your guts and is really trying to make your life miserable with guilt and harassment - I don't know him.  But maybe he just misses you and wants dinner.

Answer 5

he wants to spend time with you, but he probably feels you don't want to and are to busy for to spend time with him.