What's with all the judgment?

Question

I joined this site a few months ago, and after reading yet another slew of self-righteous answers today, I really feel the need to ask . . . why are some mothers SO judgmental? Why so rude?

In my opinion, each of us was raised differently, and each of us will raise our children differently. That doesn't make our way the only right way.

Is this really a question? I don't know. I just wonder what others think . . .

Answer 1

I agree 100%. I generally try to phrase my answers so that they are very kind and respectful, even if the question seems odd to me. Some people breastfeed and some don't, some people use the CIO method and others don't, etc. I can guarantee you that you can look at any person on the street today, whether homeless or wealthy, and you wouldn't be able to tell how or what they were fed, whether they were spanked or not, and so on..

There are a few circumstances under which I do sometimes find myself being a bit sarcastic and rude. It upsets me when people call their children "it". Also, a few weeks ago someone suggest that children be given enemas as a form of punishment...

P.S. I agree 100% Stephanie P. While I think that sometimes ignoring children's tantums is important, the grocery is NOT the place to do it. Take your child to the car until he or she can calm down. And the story about the bathroom is absolutely awful!

Answer 2

Some people who answer on here may be flat out rude. Others may answer in a way that simply states their opinion that may come across rude. I suppose in certain circumstances its all in the way the reader reads the answer. Or the question.  

Answer 3

i agree completely. i think this is why so many mothers are afflicted with post partum depression because we feel insecure sharing our fears, insecurities, and even regrets with each other. we are all too busy showing each other up and judging each other it makes me sick. i think that it is a beautiful thing that we can share in each other completely in our biggest time of need i hope you can find someone to do that with...i had to do it with my friend over the phone who lives several states away but we became closer than we have ever been before. motherhood can be quite lonely, and i dont think we were meant to do it alone.  

Answer 4

I've been struggling with this too. I've been reading a book called "A New Earth"  It really helps.  It teaches that pretty much every thought we have goes back to our ego and when you think about it it does. You just need to become aware of your thoughts when you feel the need to be sancitmommy and correct yourself.  On the other hand, when someone else is being sanctimommy, just know that it's their ego.  When we have an ego we, in essence we Edge God Out.  I agree that women definitely need to be supportive of each other and for the most part I see that happening on this site which is why I visit it.  However, we can't really change how society is viewing mothers these days so we just need to focus on our own behavior and how that affects others.  Let's start a new trend and support one another, Ladies!

Answer 5

Ya people are really judgemental, but what I have learnt is that the ones that know in their heart they are doing what is best for them and their family are happy, and don't spend time trying to make others feel bad or inadequate. If they think someone is doing something harmful to their child then yes they will tell them so and offer advice but if they notice a mom isn't breastfeeding and co sleeping then they aren't going to jump down their throat to make the mom asking the question feel as low as they themselves know they are.

or at least this is what I told myself when I got ignorant responses from some low lives on here! its makes sence to me!

Answer 6

everyone thinks they're right.

that's just how it is.  

Answer 7

it's a problem here, for sure. it's very sad to me: sad for the answers community, which has the ability to be a really positive, powerful force but instead is often reduced to being a foum for moms to try to prove their imagined superiority. it is sad, too, for the babies whose moms are creating so much judgemental, negative energy around them. fortunately, there IS a good amount of support, generosity, camaraderie, solidarity, and help to be found here -- just brace yourself for all the pathetic displays you need to navigate in between.

Answer 8

Personally, Mothers tend to be very judgmental. When they are raised and they liked their child hood they think since they were happy that's how you need to raise your child. How ever this is not close to true every person has a different option most of the time and so really there is not right or wrong way. Lets use an example.

One kid gets levis as a kid and is happy-the kid as an adult thinks that is the right way to raise a kid.

One kid gets designer brand as a kid and is happy as an adult thinks that is the right way to raise a kid.

Both of them can be rong or right. If your looking to make your kid happy, Ask them what THEY want.

Hope i helped,

Julia

Answer 9

I agree 100% with you. There is no one way to raise a child...and I wish that more people would realize that. Everyone has their own methods, and as long as it doesn't involve abuse and neglect I don't see a problem. The same goes for breastfeeding/formula...as long as the child is fed, happy and healthy what does it matter how they are fed?

The only few things I have issues with are parents who allow their child to throw tantrums in stores, (I am NOT talking about the ones who try to stop it, I am talking about the ones who ignore it and let it happen and then relent to whatever the child wanted..be it candy or a toy or whatever, )  and ones who won't let their child use a the bathroom at a store when they obviously have to go (yup, I saw this once and was very tempted to say something.)  

Answer 10

This question is asked frequently.  Some people never learned "if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all"...they think that being a random poster on the internet gives them the right to be an a**hat.  Just ignore the judgemental jerks and pray that their poor children don't turn out like them.

Answer 11

It's not just on here. It's everywhere. Mothers are just the most judged people on Earth. Everyone thinks they can raise a baby better then Mom...whether they have a baby of their own, raised one 30 years ago, or never gave birth.

Try telling your grandmother or the old lady next door that you aren't going to be putting Karo syrup in a bottle, that you co-sleep, or that you don't use a stroller. Let them see you give your 8 month old a green pepper strip to nibble on. Watch their eyebrows go up.

You have to be confident enough in your own parenting style and capabilities to just over look everyone who may criticize you. I only imagine it gets worse the older our children get. I think our skins must just get tougher.

Answer 12

I agree with you, if you notice it's only a select few that do the judging on this site :)

Just block them and ignore and move on...