What's with all the young, unwed moms?

Question

I'm not traditional in the least, and not far out of my teens myself, but I am struck by the sheer number of teens and young 20-somethings who suddenly are pregnant. I thought my Health class hin Canada had been pretty thorough with birth control education. Is there a lack of education on the subject here in the U.S. or is it an acceptable cultural trait here to give up your plans to go to school and have a career (or at least delay them) to have children when one is unmarried and not financially stable?

I'm not trying to be mean, I really just am concerned/confused. I would especially appreciate answers from young, unwed mothers. Thanks. :)

Answer 1

I am 19 going 20, unwed, and the mother of a beautiful baby boy, Ayden. Me and my fiancee concieved when we were both 18 (2007). At the time we were planning our wedding and about to buy a house. Then, Ayden decided he wanted to come first, and we were and are fine with that. Because he will always come first. Now he is four months old, we live in our own place, and are still saving up for our dream wedding/honeymoon. We want to get married, but we want to do it properly. No shot gun wedding for us. I guess that would be easier and make people see us in a better light. But for the sake of our dreams and taking care of our kid, we decided to wait. Plus, we are really trying not to rely on others monetarily when it comes to things we want and/or need. It's hard, we have people judging us constantly, but we (all three of us) are happy, healthy, and well taken care of. That's all that matters.

p.s. For all of the ignorant people reading this, my mother got pregnant at 15 and had my brother at 16. She now has 4 amazing kids (if I do say so myself) and has done a phenomenal job raising us. Even at 16. She finished school, went to college, and got an accounting degree. She never let us go hungry, she's always kept a job, and she is happily married. So, don't judge without knowing. Yes, I know the odds are against teenage uunwed mothers. But how could you know not having walked a mile in their shoes. Not everyone is a statistic. You are the uneducated ones.

Answer 2

I know!  Its pop culture! 50 years ago, if you slept around in general or atleast before you got married, and had a one-night stand you would LIE LIE  LIE about, it.  Now.....people celebrate it!?  I mean ok, sexual revolution and all that, but things have gone WAY too far.  Seriously, if you are a virgin when you hit...20, you lie about it and say you are a s*x vixen and all that.  When 50 years ago you were held up on a pedastel for keeping it.  I'm not saying you have to be either a virgin Mary or a s*x goddess but kids are really following pop culture.  s*x in the city!  And all that.  I mean for bridal showers these days its fashionable to have a d***o party where a pro will come and show you how to give good blow jobs!  And apparently if you dont have a strip pole and a whip and leather underwear in your bedroom then you are not having real s*x and letting yourself go.

  And then we go and critize the shows about "Who's your baby's daddy"  seriously....for so many girls these days, its pure LUCK that half of them don't need these shows.

Pop culture man, tv and magazines bring up these kids.  And the guys are just as much to blame.

Answer 3

im 22 will be 23 couple months and 13 weeks prego i was on birthcontrol and ofcoarse didnt plan on getting pregnent.This is my first time getting pregnent out of the 9 yrs i have been having s*x and thankfully it was with a man im in a relationship with.I alway said if i did get pregnent i would be married first.well thats not the case now and im not going to kill my unborn baby for my mistakes and the fact that im not married.But i do plan to get married soon that was something my b/f and I talked about before i was pregnent.

Answer 4

i was born and raised in the US and did have a child at the age of 15, and am now 24 and have another on the way. and yes, i am still un married. i think that the educational system failed me a bit and i never had a "talk" w/my parents about the birds and the bees either. i think that, in my case anyway, alot of children in there 20s now are refusing to get married due to see the high divorce rate of our parents. i want to have an intimate relationship but dont ever want to be married. hope this helps.

i never gave up on my carrer though, i finished high school and went to a techinical school (never wanted to got to college) and now have a wonderful high paying job at a doctors office. I decided long ago that if i was never going to get married then i was going to be successful enough to support myself and anyone else who would happen to come along. im smart enough to know you cant be intimate w/o the possiblilty of little ones comming about.

i am w/a wonderful man, the father of my current child. we do not live together and do not plan to, i am supporting myself and my two children and would not have it any other way.

Answer 5

Even if they can't afford it... Where there is a will there is a way.  And I think a lot of it is that it is easier to take time off from work when you are younger, and go back to work without missing a beat.  And I am one of the ones who chooses not to be married, I am engaged, but I want to wait until after my son is born... I'd rather spend every last dime on my son, than on a wedding.

Answer 6

I'm 20, 26 weeks pregnant, married, very well off financially, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Just because you're young doesn't mean you won't be a good parent and love your child.

Answer 7

I live on the outskirts of london, and a lot of people from my school got pregnant young. I think there was one girl who left in year 9 (aged 13) to have a baby, one in year 10 (14/15) and about 4 in year 11 (16) and another 2 got pregnant shortly after we left school. Its unreal! Theres only 100 people in my year and about 10% got pregnant young. But we recieved so much s*x education and talks about birth control that they didnt get pregnant because they didnt know anything.

They were a bunch of thick chavs who wanted cheapo council flats and didnt want to get jobs.

Well, most of them was. 2 of them was accidents.

But w/e. why have babies young?]

i just reread that. that seems harsh :( Im not tarring all teenage mums with the same brush but i knew these girls and what a waste it was.

Answer 8

I will agree that marriage is a christian invention. But, this is still a bad plan. These girls are young and do not know what they will want in the years to come. Now they have screwed it all up. If an opportunity comes along for them, oops, can't take it. I'm too busy changing diapers and cooking dinner.

Answer 9

well to be honest... im 20 and unwed, and this seemed like a much better plan, i know not all women wanna be holly housewife, but i do, im happy to bake brownies and do the laundry all day, and we can afford it....p.s. the whole marriage before kids thing is a religious thing...not everyone is christian

Answer 10

hi x

okay before i start i am sorry if anything i say offends anyone.

I am 20 years old and have 4 - soon to be 5 beautiful daughters:

Faith Marie (5)

Hope Skye (4)

Destiny Louise (3)

Trinity Jayde. (2)

I am also 27 weeks pregnant with another girl.

I got pregnant at 15 with Faith and her dad - my boyfriend of 1 year at the time (Tyler) said that he would stay by me. So we told all our parents together and they were happy for us. I had faith and me and Tyler were still together. We had gone through a rough time at school were we had lernt who our true friends were but that experience has made us the people we are today. About 3 months after i had had faith i beacme pregnant again - with Hope. Me and tyler were happy and he proposed to me. I was 16 and the time he was 17. I know it was young but we wanted the best life for our kids.

But when Hope was 2 mnths he admitted to me that he had been cheating on me for 10 months. SO we split he still sees his daughers regulary.

I was distruaght after my break up with Tyler that i asked my mum to babysit the kids one night and i went out and got hammered. I know it wasnt the right thing to do but it felt right at the time.

That night this guy came up to me and told me i was beautiful - me being half hammered gave the poor guy my life story. But he stood there and listened. We exchanged numbers and before long we met up agian. After about 3 months we started sleeping together. And i know i should have lernt but i got pregnant again. But it was ok we wanted to make an addition to our lil family. At this time Faith and HOpe didnt see there dad anymore he had moved away.

Aprox. 9 months later i had Destiny at the age of 18. Jase proposed to me and i said yes. We soon brought a house together (he had savings from some rich old auntie who died with no kids). We were both working all through this and i have NEVER claimed of welfare.

I had always wanted 4 daughers so we tried for another baby and i became pregnant agian with Trinity.

Now i am 27 wks pregnant with my 5th daughter.

Me and Jase live in a 4 bed house together.

We are getting married in October and think we are doing really well. We are both working (although i am going on mat. leave soon).

So before you judge peoples situations at least take a look at the facts. Some people have been through alot.

If you ever wanna chat just email me on [e-mail]

All the best

Esmee x

EDIT: i did use contraception BUT come on there must be times when you have either forgot or been drunk?

x

Answer 11

My s*x ed class showed a book of STD, a lady giving birth- which looked like a walk in the park and only lasted 20 minutes, and then we got free condoms! My hometown is fairly ghetto though so that's probably why.

My graduating class of about 250 had at least 25 pregnant/mothers. It's just really sad.

I was on the pill at 16 but I never used it as a birth control method until I was almost 19! I had no interest in throwing my life away for 3 minutes of "fun".

I'm 21 and still child free and on the pill. However out of all my friends there's only 2 of us who are not mothers which is really sad.

Parents don't sit down with their children anymore and discuss s*x, media and shows throw it in our faces, and if a child has no role model or not a decent role model they're not going to be smart enough to not have s*x so young.

What happened to being smart? I swear it doesn't exist with these teenagers. Having a child changes everything and teenagers are selfish, they do not want to stop being social, they do not want to stop drinking, smoking, doing stupid c**p because it's their childhood. To them a child is just a doll that they can play house with and then they throw it to their parents to raise. That's not okay and that's all I've seen. I have NEVER seen a good teenage parent. Sorry but it just hasn't happened yet! A teenager cannot support a child, flipping burgers isn't going to pay for what a child needs. It's not possible. It's just not a good environment for a child to be brought into it. I'm not saying wait until you're 35 and married, but wait until you're at least old enough to drive, go to college, get a good job. It's just common sense.

Teen pregnancy is probably my biggest pet peeve! There's absolutely NO reason for it! These kids need to be studying, getting a proper education so they can go far in life and then when they're mature adults have children that they can actually afford and give an amazing life to.

added***

I just wanted to say that I'm 21 and have never once forgotten to take my pill. Every year with my pap test I get screened for STDs even though I've only had 1 partner and he's only been with me, I still would rather be safe because men do lie and some even cheat. I don't think you're being mean at all but that may be because I feel the same way you do. There's a girl I went to high school with who had several abortions before high school even started, we're the same age and she has 5 children and pregnant again. All different fathers and she has an excuse for why she got pregnant every time. It's pathetic.

Don't get me wrong I absolutely love children, my career is all about teaching and protecting children but in the day cares and schools I've seen the way these teen parents treat their children and yes some are good parents- in public but then the child comes to day care/school with bruises and hand marks so it's all an act in public.

I think people should be married before having children and I'm not religious I just think that's the proper way to do it because I see the way my nephew is thrown around since his parents aren't together anymore. It's sad when a 4 year old says he doesn't know where he lives because he's at so many different homes.

Answer 12

I think it's a lot too.  But I hardly think it's a U.S. phenomenon.

Answer 13

US s*x education is defiantly lacking. I used to do a speech about it for college forensics- In part of it I go over the things people (actual people) believe: things like wearing two condoms is better protection, or if you have s*x in water you can't get pregnant, or if its your first time you can't get pregnant... etc. But what really shocked me was all the people who would come up to me later and say "wow I really didn't know that."  It's not just pregnancy either, a lot of them are incredibly misinformed about STDs too. I blame the move toward abstinence only education. It isn't realistic and doesn't provide enough actual information. I used to know all the statistics on it, but I don't anymore- you can look it up if your interested- basically it is a complete failure as s*x education.

To be fair I did get pregnant when I was 17. We used a condom (I guess it slipped?) and I was on birth control. The second time I got pregnant (I lost that pregnancy) I was on birth control. Nothing is 100% (abstinence doesn't count)