What's with the entitlement in adoption??

Question

Are richer people more entitled to raise children than those that don't have as much money??

The definition of entitlement (in adoption) refers to someone feeling that they are more deserving of parenting a child than another - too often seen as a prospective adoptive parent feeling that they are more 'deserving' of the child - than the biological parent.

In Australia, every women has the right to keep and parent their own child. No pre-birth matching is made. Mother's - whatever the age or situation (apart from abuse and addiction cases) - are encouraged to parent - emotionally, financially and physically. In most cases - they do very well at parenting - and no separation of mother and child is needed.

Have things gone so far in the USA that others feel that simply because they have more money & they are more mature - that they are more deserving of a child - than the child's bio parent??

Answer 1

I would say that is true for some wealthy people but I think those same people think they are more deserving in all aspects of life, due to their deep pockets.

It's great the Australia supports their single or young mothers there.  It's definitely not that way here in the US and until America stops teaching hate towards young mothers or single parents the cycle will continue...plus more support & education to teach not just the pregnant women but their families in circumstances like these would be beneficial.

I am not so sure if I can use the the term 'deserving' as I don't feel that word really describes what any parents is 'priviledged' to have when raising children.  Unless a bioparent will raise a child in an abusive or unsafe environment then they of course are the best parents for their own child.  However, I can state the opposite that if a child would be raised in an abusive/dangerous environment with their biological parents then yes, they would be better suited elsewhere, possibly in an adoptive home.

Answer 2

If were going to assume what people are thinking and feeling I'll assume what most paps are thinking.

Entitled to parent NO, Hopeful yes

More deserving to parent NO, more interested in parenting most likely considering they are making plans to parent

Richer, Ha Ha. Sure $40,000 worth of loans to pay off. Much richer.

Answer 3

Maybe some think that way, but the majority don't. Don't judge people in a country you don't live in.

Answer 4

I think there is a generalization about adoptive parents by society that they somehow have more money and would make a better parent than the bio mom who chose not to parent. It's quite sickening if you ask me. But it mostly comes from people who are not affected by adoption in any way. If one more person tells me how "lucky" my daughter is I think I'll scream.

I've never felt entitled or considered whether or not I'm a better parent. My concerns as a parent are much the same as most parents except that adoption is part of my daughter's life and it's my job to nurture that. Which is why we chose open adoption.



Lastly (a little off topic and on the flip-side) - I hate the old school stigma of shame and secrecy for bio mom's and adoptee's that still lingers with much of society. Adopted children and adults should be able to live in a world as equal human beings  and with dignity.

Answer 5

I think it is a very natural response to want to have children. And anyone who has not felt a baby craving, whether they could have their own biologically or not, has no idea the pain it causes. Adoption for most people is a last resort after struggling for years for another solution. And based on some real life examples from my own life, some people really shouldn't have children.

I'm sure there are some people who feel that they are more deserving of a child but I don't believe that is the case with most people. Most people just want a child and can't have one on their own. Others respond to a perceived need, there are children out there who don't have a home and they can provide one. The problem here is that there is little support for a young, single mother financially or otherwise. We encourage our girls to be whatever they want and children are often sacrificed on the altar of "having it all." We actually tell young women that they have ruined their life if they have a baby.

Answer 6

I think you have a point.  I've learned quite a bit here on Y!A, espcially this section.  From the things I've seen and heard here, it seems to be that almost everyone struggles with entitlement issues to some extent.  If we say we don't then we are not telling the truth.  In society in general I think people feel very entitled, like Lori was saying about the big house and shiny cars, etc.  I don't think it will change, sadly.

Answer 7

I've never felt "entitled" to parent any child. I'm blessed with 2 kids. I'm not owed children. Yeah I wanted to me a mom and I acomplished that when I gave birth to my daughter. I wasn't actively looking into adoption when my son came to us.  He needed a home with people who could care for his needs and we provided that and then some. It's an honor!!!

That being said I have seen what you are talking about. It may not always  be intentional. Society (at least in the US) teaches us that we can have anything we want if we're willing to pay for it. They shove down the throuts of PAPs how great they would be for adopting a child noone wants (not my words).

I have heard on too many occasions that My son is blessed to have us and that they don't know how we did it.

I can get rude and tell then what I think, but I pretty much say that WE'RE the ones who are blessed.

Answer 8

I am SURE that very few women actually feel that way.

It is a stereotypical ASSUMPTION that many on this forum make about PAPs..This assumption is extremely hurtful to us PAPs who are almost CONSTANTLY on here accused of being entitled, greedy baby stealers.. (who said I wanted to adopt a baby? not I!!)

So can we exnay on the assumptions.. PLEASE!! Really, I promise there are VERY Few (and probably none on this forum) PAPs that actually feel "entitled"

ETA:  I have just looked at some of the answers you are talking about and I absolutely understand how you would think they "reek of entitlement"  But I ask you to not be so hasty to judge..they are probably newbies, like I was once, and don't always say things the right way, don't understand all the issues.. I know I didn't.. I mean there IS a big problem i n US today with people (bmoms AND PAPs being brainwashed into thinking that adoption is best if someone else can provide 'better' for the child than it's bmom..) You can't really blame people for repeating things they've been told over and over and over.. it's not THEIR fault.. they just need to be educated.. which, PLEASE I beg.. do it without bashing.. I was SERIOUSLY hurt when I first came here ignorant and uninformed and made some of the mistakes these people have made and made some of my statements sound "entitled" when that really isn't what I meant at all!!! So.. go easy on 'em.. try to gently guide them into a better understanding  

You'll go MUCH farther into destroying the myths that society has created!!!

BTW.. as far as the telling you to be grateful, etc.. that's not right.. They may be lashing out at what they see as whining.. or not thinking about what they're saying.. But I'm more talking about the "entitled" answers..

Answer 9

wow good points and i agree with most...and the us is like that if you have money you get what you want..s***w everybody else

Answer 10

I think there is a difference between saying "I deserve to be a parent" and saying "I deserve to be a parent more than you do."

I will not argue that there are *some* PAPs and members of the general public who think PAPs are more deserving than young, single mothers. When we were pursuing adoption, it seemed people were ALWAYS telling us about pregnant teens they knew (or pregnant women going through divorces, pregnant college students, etc) even though we were not pursuing domestic infant adoption and I doubt these people had any idea whether the expectant mothers planned to parent or place. That's wrong.

However, I've also seen people come one here and say "I know I'd be a good mom, so I want to adopt" and people respond with things like "Entitled much?". I do not think that's the same thing. Saying "I would be a good parent" doesn't mean that someone else wouldn't, nor does it mean that they think someone should just hand them a child.

Answer 11

I haven't read any answer where an AP or PAP has said they are more deserving of a child than a biological parent.  Please supply links to these, thanks.

I have seen many APs and PAPs encourage women contemplating giving their child up for adoption, to parent on many occassions.

Answer 12

I find your "question" to be so ignorant that I can't believe you're posting it.  I actually laughed when I read it.  :-)  

First of all, I wish I was rich, sure and if I had more money, you know for daycare, medical issues, food, and education, heck yes, I'd adopt a second child today.  

Second of all, I don't feel entitled to someone else's baby.  If that birthparent has made the decision to make an adoption plan for their child, that's their choice.  I respect any choice a parent makes for the best of the child.

Thirdly, I don't feel as though I am "more deserving of parenting a child than another" person.  I am one person who adopted and am loving it.

Answer 13

Judge if you want, because you are right. There is a class of living here and if you are in the upper class you deserve what ever you want because you have money and clout. You are an upstanding member of society and have proved it with your shinny car and LAAARGE house. If you are middle class you are basically yawn material (not really interesting) But if you are LOWER class. Then you have everyones attention. You are less than human, because you didn't go out and make a name for yourself. You didn't work hard enough and invest wisely. You were too busy providing neccessaties for the children who are going to live with the more deserving who have been saving their money to buy your kid.

This may be harsh and not all is true of all people, but more times than not this is the norm. You start having kids in your teens and find it hard to spread yourself so thin and climb corporate ladders by stepping on others, while those who do the ladder climbing and stepping and investing, get themselves in a good positions to be more deserving of your children than you.

Sad to say welcome to america.

Answer 14

my parents were not rich when they adopted me. I was just fortunate enough to get in a good home and raised by two very wonderful people.

Answer 15

THANKYOU  I had my three children forcfully adopted, and they couldnt produce any paperwork for the first six months and by law the reasons can be after they take them also. My regrets that i was a little hot headed as they couldnt tell me why and i lost my temper on few occasion, telling my 4yr old son he was getting a new mummy before the judge made his decision. yes i belive social services take from the poor to give to the rich because they expect no less