What's worse; dole or daycare. As a single parent should we send the kids to day care and work or sign on?

Question

Just before I turned 40 I got pregnant, thought I was passed all that and wasn't very careful. The father wanted nothing to do with the baby and I was left to raise her alone. My only option was to put her into full time daycare, 9 hours a day 5 days a week or lose my home. My daughter has been so happy in her nursery yet I am continually criticised for not staying home. I never go out in the evening and make sure I always cook her dinner, give her a bath and put her to bed every night to make things up to her, also I do all my housework and laundry when she's asleep so my weekends are free to devote entirely to fun stuff with my daughter. Is this really so bad?

Answer 1

No, it's not bad.  You are doing what is best for your family.  What did people expect you to do if you're a single parent?  You have to work as there is no one else that's going to work for you.

Answer 2

I don't think you are bad for wanting to earn money to pay for your family...but I don't like the idea of leaving kids in daycares....I think that they are tiny for such a short time, that it's a shame to miss those years. Personally, I would do ANYTHING to stay at home with my children...in fact I do...I havent had my hair proffesionally done for 4 years...I buy clothes second hand for myself..I could go on...I am better off knowing they are safe with me.  

Answer 3

No, that's not bad at all, you are a single woman with a child and you have to work - I was a married woman with a child and I had to work too, so it should not be different for you.

It sounds like you are doing a great job - you work and then spend as much time as you can with your daughter - keep up the good work!

Answer 4

You are doing an amazing job.  Just ignore the people that criticize you.  It is obvious that you love your daughter and are providing for her the best that you can; you're actually doing better than most single moms.  And you have an entire weekend to spend with her - I don't know any moms that devote an entire weekend to their child.

Answer 5

ur doing amazing  

Answer 6

if you'd chosen to stay home and claim benefits some would still critisise you cos many just like to critisise single parents without even knowing the situation.

Mind even when you have a couple who are married if the woman works she'll be critsised, same way if she stayed home some would still find fault.. ignore what others say you are doing what is best for your daughter. you spend each evening and weekends with her and i'm sure she gets a lot when in daycare..

I was a stay at home mother cos that works better for us.. both my brothers wives returned to work  when their babies were young, that worked for them ALL our kids are very happy and i don't feel any miss out.

Answer 7

Who criticizes you?  They are wrong.  You are doing the right thing.

The only thing - for both of your sanity - be sure to maintain a bit of a life of your own.  It is OK to hire a sitter and go out now and then.  :)

Answer 8

Not at all! In fact u are a fantastic Role-Model for ur child. You are working hard to provide for ur child and she will appreciate this when she is older. You are teaching her what is right in life - providing for ur family and when she has a family of her own she will realise just how much u did for her and she will feel very proud.

It's ok for people to criticise you but there not all in ur situation.

You sound like a fantastic mother and you do make sure u spend quality time with her. U hold ur head up high because you are doing the best you can.

Also it is good for your daughter to socialise with other children.

Answer 9

I think that you are doing a great thing because you are just trying to provide for your family.  Some mothers have to do that.  I am one of those mothers.  People who say that are full of ****.  They are one of the lucky mothers who have income going into there house with out them working.  Don't worry you are doing a good thing and honestly before I got pregnant I looked up to mothers like you.  

Answer 10

You are providing your daughter with a safe, loving, secure home.  You are a responsible person who would obviously love to spend more time with your daughter but unfortunately that is a luxury you cant have.  You have made sure she is well cared for at daycare and this can be seen in her happiness.  You are setting good working morals for her later in life.  Sometimes kids whose parents are on the dole (longterm) often follow in their footsteps.  I know kids who are 3rd generation on the dole - never having worked.  If you were on the dole you wouldnt be able to give her the experiences which you can afford now.

Just ignore the critics.  You provide for your daughter.  She is happy and well cared for, you are happy and providing a better quality of life for the both of you.

END OF STORY x x

Answer 11

You sound like a role model, i admire you because its not easy giving up all your time! I think day care is better because it gets u out of the house and meeting people and than you come home and spend time with your daughter, best of both worlds. your daughter is lucky to have you as a mother,

Good luck with everything hope it all works out,

Answer 12

I was exactly in your shoes at one time, and did exactly what you did.  In fact, I put my kid in day care for 11  hours 4 days a week so that she and I could have three days of time together.  

She's now 15, beautiful, smart, kind, and loving.  While a lot of moms with kids my age deal with anger and bs, she and I are closer than ever.

Ignore the jerks and the naysayers, or better yet, tell them, "fine.  Give me a million bucks so I can stay home with my kid."  that should shut 'em up.  

Hang in there!

Answer 13

This is not bad at all. You are doing the right thing by providing for your daughter. If anything, you should get a night or two a month to go out for yourself!

Ignore the people who criticize you. Unless they are willing to pay your mortgage, grocery bill, and other bills, they have no right to intrude on your life as they do.  

Answer 14

she sounds disgusting by her judging you. she doesn't walk in your shoes and wouldn't make it one week so ignore her. families are the worst at making you feel better!

but good luck

Answer 15

no its not bad at all. the government would have had to contribute towards day care anyway via the tax credits system so why go to work when you can be at home with your child, being a mother, the financial situation is no different. you would be no better off working, anythig extra they just take striaght off you in council tax, full rent and taxes.

don't feel bad, feel proud you are a good mum. and its been proven through studies that a child develops better when they have a parent at home full time.