What's wrong with adopting to complete your family?

Question

I see lots of negative ideas on here about adoption and adoptors. My wife and i have one child and medically we don't want to risk another pregancy. She has been advised not to get pregnant again. We are going through the adoption process now for one more child to complete our family. She was an only child and never wanted to just have one. People on here make it seem like i am horrible for wanting to adopt. Like i am stealling or buyin g a child. I just don't understand.

Answer 1

I think adoption is a wonderful idea.  I also think it is nice if you are able to adopt from within your own country though.

Answer 2

NOTHING!!! You are giving some child a chance at a better life. Some people are too narrow minded to understand what you're going through and what you've been through.. and they don't have to either. Its your life, not theirs.  No one has to live your life but you. It makes me want to cry to know that people are giving you a hard time because of your loving decision.  I think you're doing a beautiful thing. Don't give up! GOOD LUCK!!

P.S. Your daughter is so cute

Answer 3

its just how some people see it. we are expecting our first child but we have expressed to my parents that no matter how many kids we have on our own we want to adopt and my dad doesnt understand y if we can have our own. to some its like if you can have one that looks as acts like you and has your own blood y not. not i just keep telling him that other kids who are not as fortunate deserve a chance too.

Answer 4

I think it is very nice to adopt a child because I think that they get a better chance at life.I want to adopt kids when I get older!!!So don't worry about those people who thinks its bad to adopt a child.Good luck with the child and god bless!!!!

Answer 5

thank god for adoption,every child needs a good home

Answer 6

no adopting is good ... that child needs a home

Answer 7

there is nothing wrong with adopting a child, actually it's very good, because your going to give that kid a family instead of he/she growing up in an orphanage, and i think thats great.

Answer 8

Adoption is one of the most precious and wonderful gifts that can be given to a child.  My three younger brothers, my youngest sister and I were all adopted by the same couple when I was 15 years old.  These two people, who I have come to call "Mom & Dad" were unable to have children, but were able to offer us five siblings a caring and loving home.  Mom & Dad are proof positive of the benefits of adoption.  Also, two of my wife's and my five children are adopted and I can not imagine life without our two oldest girls.  Children are a blessing and a gift - no matter how they become your children.

Answer 9

I am a 39 year old adoptee who has met, and had a "relationship" with my birth family.  The best thing they ever did for me was give me away.  I have a wonderful family.  Ok, so some people have less than wonderful adoptions, thats their problem not yours.  If youre prepared to help a child in need then good on you!!

Answer 10

there is no problem wit hadopting actually its better 1) Because theres tons of kids that need homes so why have a baby and 2) Because then you can still be hot and no saggy.

Answer 11

I think that if your family is stable and you can provide love for this child go for it! Too many kids live in the foster system and are tossed back and forth. I think it is wonderful that there are people like you that would want to help an innocent child. But alot of people only want the babies. There are older kids that need love and support to. Please remember that when it comes time to adopt.

GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS!

Answer 12

I too cannot believe some of the negativity here about adoption. I am adopted and have 2 adopted kids. You go ahead and adopt that baby- and do not let the negativity sway you.  There are some bad adoption stories I am sure, but my adoption experience was and is wonderful. You are not stealing a baby- the birth mom has chosen life for her child, and she knows that she cannot raise him/her , and loves her child enough to place for adoption with a family like yours.  If you don't have health insurance, it costs plenty to have your own child, too, so don't allow these people to get you upset, that is exactly what they are trying to do. God bless you

Answer 13

Nothing is wrong wtih adopting, if anything you are giving a child in need of a family a place to be loved and appreciated. Not all people like to be adopted, but that's so stupid. I think it will not only be good for you, but for you child too. Your child will have someone to hang out with and/or look forward to seeing everyday. It  is very sweet that you and your family would like to adopt. You will really be helping someone who really needs the love and you will have the family you want. Good Luck and have fun!! Disregard anything people say bad about adopting. Just because they don't, they think they can tell you how to live your life.

Answer 14

There is totally no problem with adopting, your not buying a baby! Your most likly going to give he or she a much better life than what they would have in care. Also if you want to complete your family I'm sure that you will give the adopted child the best life they could imagine. Anything is better than being in a care home.

Answer 15

I have seen that same negative outlook towards adoption on here and have always been so confused by it.

Answer 16

Some people are just angry. There is nothing wrong with choosing to adopt. Take what you see on YA with a grain of salt.

Answer 17

There's nothing wrong with it, if you have it in your heart to do so then that's great!

Answer 18

after sifting through the responses as to not be overly redundant, i found a couple of things that i'd like to point out:

1- most people who posted obviously have little experience with adoption.

2- the answers are mostly stock and cliche'.

3- the answers from those who have experienced adoption (both good and bad) seem to address the concerns you have.

--------------------------

my response:

completion is subjective.  for some, it is buying a house.  for others, it's landing a great job. but there's one thing for sure: completion always opens the door for another "goal" to be completed. it's a never-ending cycle of "goal-completion-goal."

the problem i have with "completion" as a reason to want to adopt or have children is that it implies a void. and i am a strong believer that kids should NEVER be conceived or adopted to fill a void.

i don't think you are horrible for wanting a child, but i think that your rationale (as it's stated here) is a bit too self-centered for some of us.  children should never be desired to be playmates or to complete anything. children IMO should come into the family to "compliment" not "complete."

and i am truly sorry for your wife's medical conditions.

Answer 19

There is no accounting for people stupidity and judgment.

Adoption is a wonderful thing. I congratulate you in your choice. You will be giving someone a better chance in life and giving yourself and your spouse a complete family.

People have lots of opinions and if they are negative they are usually even more motivated to give it.

Do what you believe is best for you and your family. Ignore any rude & negative comments.

Come up with a response for those rude comments, one that slaps them on the face without them even realizing...

I particularly like: "Oh, is that so..... wow, I have to think about that, thank you soooo much for opening my eyes.... I will be sure to call you if I have any more doubts or questions." Then say good bye and leave at that. if they insist on it, just  say, " No really, i got, you don't have to say anything else, thank you again."

Good luck, what you are doing is wonderful.

Answer 20

Nothing is wrong when you open your home and life up to anopther human being. You will change the life of a little one for the better and may end up changing your entire world.

Follow your heart, people are so self centered these days and care nothing about outhers outside their little box of a mind.

Answer 21

Wow,how cool. There are so many children who needs good homes ! Glory to God you are making a very wise choice !

Answer 22

there is nothing wrong with that- I applaud you for doing so!

Answer 23

There is nothing wrong with wanting to adopt a child. As someone who has worked for Children's Services in the past I think that it wonderful. There are millions of children out there that need lovong homes and parents. I wish you and your wife the best of luck!!

Answer 24

In many cases, the adopted child is treated different (and worse) than the biological child.  This is very different from adopting all your children or adopting after your biological children are much older.  While clearly, not all adoptive parents are that way, I've seen a fair number when the child was even biologically related to say that this is about you and your wife and not about the child you want to add to your family.  Sorry, you don't have my vote.

Answer 25

nothings wrong for instins people that cant have babys such as g*y,lez, and motheres that cant have baby or if they just want to add on to the family.and its good for the kids you adopt your makeing a home for them

Answer 26

There is nothing wrong with adopting a child. There is something wrong with a stranger telling you not to adopt for purely selfish reasons. I work in the child & family services arena and can tell you that there are plenty of adoption related programs that can help you and your wife make an informed decision about adoption. These agencies exist to ensure that the child & the new family are both protected & both prepared for this new step. If you are serious about adopting, visit the website below & draw your own conclusion from a reliable professional counselor who specializes in adoption. Don't allow the users of Yahoo Answers to influence your decision.

Answer 27

Ignore those people.  Adopting is a great thing, and is as personal of a choice as conceiving and having a biological child.  

My husband and I don't want an only child either.  We just feel that we want them to have a sibling to grow up with.  If we were put in your situation after we have our first we would adopt as well.

Good luck!!!

Answer 28

This is a great question!  I do not understand it either.  I'm raising a child that is adopted and I worry about him all of the time after reading some of the responses on here.  I've done my own face to face research with people I know who were adopted and they said that were all very happy and was very thankful for the life that they have.  

You are doing a wonderful to adopt a child and give him/her a home and the love they long for.  Good for you!  Congratulations!

Answer 29

I guess those negative comments are from the ones who actually had negative experience, usually the adoptees.

Answer 30

You are not horrible.  Adopting is wonderful!  Expensive?  Yes!  Emotional Roller coaster?  Yes!  Sometimes does it feel like an invasion of your privacy to have all these people come and go through you whole life?  You bet!  Worth it?  And then some!  Think of it this way, it's easier to dispose of unwanted pregnancies in our society than to make the choice that is all about love.  We live in an upside down world sadly.  

I empathize with your wife's predicament and don't take everything you read here as gospel . . . even what I write!  LOL

All i can say is we have 2 chldren in our family, one we were blessed with through adoption, the other through a life threatening pregnancy.  My girls call us an adoptioncy family.  Would I change either?  Nope!  Did I buy or steal my children?  Nope!  They both cost a lot of money, they both came with great sacrifice, and they both are the most precious treasures anyone could ask for!

Go for it and complete YOUR family any way YOU see fit!

Answer 31

Don't listen to anyone who says that adoption is bad. I mean these kids parents didn't want them they need a loving family. The only way to do that is adoption. If you think it's right and you are really going to dedicate your live to bring that child to happines then go for the big bucks. If your worring about money adopt from Russia or some place like that. You have to be sixteen or older and have a job to adopt. Like I said before if you think it's time talk with your wife and look on the Internet at pics of kids up for adoption. Pick the kid for you and go for it.