What's wrong with not wanting to have children? Why the stigma?

Question

Both my sister-in-law and I have elected not to have children. It's not because we aren't able to conceive, but simply because we dont' feel that bringing a child into this world is the best thing for a multitude of reasons, personal and otherwise.

We both receive criticism from co-workers, friends, and relatives for this. Why? It seems unfair.

Answer 1

It is called being child free, and there is nothing wrong with it.  I am child-free and 42.  So is my girlfriend, and may of our friends.

I have been putting up with the the same criticism my whole life.

Why do people criticize?  Well, it is simple, they think we are freaks.  They think we are freaks because they think having children is compulsory.  They don't know that there is another option.  It is up to us to set the example, so they can learn to "think outside the box".

I had a vasectomy when I was 21, because I didn't want children.  When I joined the military at 23, they actually thought I had broken some law.  I was even sent to see a psychiatrist, because someone thought not wanting children was a form of mental illness.  That was the late 80's.  Thank God, people are a little more enlighten today.  I have read that one in five women will choose not to have children.

Answer 2

They may not want you to have regrets. Once you pass a certain age, you won't be able to change your mind.  Also, while children require a large amount of sacrifice, they can care for you when you're elderly. That might be concerning your family and friends.

  

I think it's always best to not bring a child into the world when it's not what you truly want. If you find your life fulfilling without children, then you've made a wise decision. It's be better to regret not having children, than to resent the ones you have.

Remember, your co-workers, friends, and family might want to see your children, but they won't be the ones waking up for 3am feedings, changing diapers, and sending your kids to college. It's your life.

Answer 3

There are many "stigma's" in life. This is just another one- I think some people might wish they could break away from that itself and do what you are doing,which is what you want to do. By the way, nothing is wrong with that. Most people probably don't understand because children have brought a very unique aspect to their lives that , after having them, could not imagine being without.

Answer 4

There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with choosing to remain childless ... for whatever reason(s).

And don't feel that you need to explain your reasons to anyone ... co-workers, friends, ANYONE.  Your reasons are your own, and you're not obligated to defend them.

When you're questioned/criticized, don't even respond unless you wish to.  For someone to pry into your most personal decision is beyond rude.

I wish more people were as level-headed as you are.  Good Luck.

Answer 5

Nothing is wrong with not wanting to have children. It is your personal choice. As for the people criticizing you just simply tell them you do not want to have children at this point in your life and if they won't leave the subject alone then just try and blow it off eventually they will stop.

Answer 6

There is nothing wrong with you or your sister n law not wanting children...as long as its ok with your brother too otherwise they are going to have problems later on....i think its good that not everyone has kids....if we didnt we would have a worse population problem then we do now...besides not everyone should be parents for all different reasons...jobs, personality, priorties..etc...its good that you are standing up for yourself and not let yourself be bullied...you dont want to have kids to please everyone else

Answer 7

Wow - you have some uber rude co-workers, friends, and relatives.  Shocking how they feel entitled to comment on THE most personal decision a person can make.  I am trying to conceive (unsuccessfully so far) and our decision, like yours, is nobody else's beeswax.  

I think people feel compelled to comment because they tend to feel strongly one way or another, and they can't get their heads around the idea that someone else doesn't agree.

Answer 8

There are people who will criticize you about things that are none of their business, no matter WHAT you do. We all make different choices in life, and the right choice (assuming that no-one is being hurt), is the choice that is right for US.

But people will criticize for having no children ('how can you be so selfish?' for having one child 'how can you deprive her of a sibling?'  for having two of the same s*x 'aren't you going to try for boy/girl?' or for having more than 2 'don't you know the world is overpopulated?')  

If you are comfortable with your decision, it's no-one else's business.  Don't bring it up.  If THEY bring it up, change he subject.  If they persist, ask why it matters to THEM? (And if they say "You may regret it later," agree that this may be  true -- but it's probably better to regret NOT having children than to regret having them. )

Answer 9

OMG, I know exactly how you feel. My mom has never pressured me to have kids but all of my friends and co-workers who have children think there is something wrong with me because I don't want to have kids. Honestly, I just wasn't born with that maternal instinct that makes you want to be a mommy. I love kids but I just choose not to have one that I have to care for 24/7. I enjoy the freedeom that I have and right now I am enjoying my life with my husband to the fullest. Theres nothing wrong with us because we don't want children. It's like some people just start having kids because thats what they think they have to do when they get married is you know live the "American Dream" marriage, house, kids, pets, etc. I think people who judge us are a little stressed with their lives and envious of our lives.

Answer 10

Some people just don't understand why others don't want to do/have something that is so "popular". Older woman= mother still too many even though that is not the case. Having children is rather popular since someone had to do it to get one of us into this world.

I get comments ALL the time about the fact that I have 4 children and don't have a minivan. Mom of many kids= minivan. I HATE minivans and don't want one...yet I get a comment daily about how I am a mother with a big family and having one would be so beneficial etc. Drives me crazy. Who cares what a drive?

If you don't want children, that's your choice and there's NOTHING wrong with it. People who give critiscism about it really need to find another hobby.

Best Wishes =]

Answer 11

well i think part of it is simply people love to coo over babies and if you don't have any they lose that chance. just tactfully tell them if they think the world needs more babies they should have them... try to make it sound like a joke so they don't get offended but i bet they will also get your point

and no it's not fair... sorry people are giving you a hard time

Answer 12

They're nothing wrong with not wanting children. I completely understand the childfree completly. Being childfree, I had to deal with the same kinf of harassment from these people. I hate them for it.

People who harass the childfree are ignorant, and its always the parents that do it. I wish people would just mind their own f--king business. I can tell you this. People who are childfree, they have more opportunities compared to the opposite.